Love, Dating, Commitment, Conflict, Affairs

This is Why Women Chase Bad Boys - Here is the Blunt Truth Finally Revealed in Front of Your Eyes

2008-09-01T23:11:00.000-07:00

Well it's often said that nice guys finish last but a lot of females out there would simply disagree with this statement. They always say that they want nice men but why do they always end up chasing the bad ones? You see it might not apply to every girl out there but majority of women do. There are some shocking reasons most guys are not aware of. Read on to discover what these reasons are and get ready to be shocked...

Bad guys are mostly emotionally stable- Most bad boys out there are some what cold towards emotions and don't give the type of reactions a girl would expect from them. You see this very fact makes a lot of girls think and such men automatically become a rare breed women run after. Unlike nice guys who always show a strong reaction towards a girl's comments and often end up at the receiving end of rejection from girls.

They are hard to get that's why girls have to have them- Put it this way! If there is a great looking girl who always ends up getting a lot of attention from almost every guy out there suddenly ends up being ignored. You see this would raise her curiosity levels as to why this guy didn't pay attention towards me. Therefore the guy becomes an automatic challenge for her and she would pursue him to see what he's really all about.

They work on their own terms- Bad boys don't work on someone else's terms. They make their own route instead of following someone else's. You see when it comes to the matter of nice guys they always end up agreeing with the girl on almost everything and they try to please her in every way possible due to which they come across as any other guy.

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but you absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover 9 most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know

Fear of Commitment - Love is the Antidote

2008-08-07T10:26:00.000-07:00

There was
Something special
About the two of us
The time between us
It was beautiful
And what was
Between us
It was unmistakeable
What happened
Between us
It was purposeful

I drew close
You drew close
Then one day you said
"I am not emotionally available"
I was confused
Said I must walk away
For I was not sure
If it would break my heart
Or it would mend your heart
For I knew
Only the Divine Maker
Had the answer
That moment
You asked
"Must you throw
The baby with the bath water?"
I answered softly
"It did not matter what the outcome
Then lets go with the flow
And see what God does"
Over the weeks
And over the months
It was blissful
It was painful
For you would draw
Closer to me
Then you would withdraw
Further from me
Yet I drew closer
And closer to you
In spite of the pain
I perceived new things
Discerned matters
Beyond my comprehension
We figured out
You were fearful
Of commitment
And I was unafraid
Of abandonment
At least we seemed
A perfect team
We both agreed
Once again
To go with the flow
No matter what
The outcome
We communicated so well
Not once did we argue
Nor brought out the worst
In one another
All the while we cared for
Each other deeply
Of course at times
We agreed
To disagree
With utmost respect
Towards one another
Through the ups
And through the downs
In every challenge
We saw-into-the other
We understood
One another
So well
It was blissful
Intimacy
For the first time
We experienced
What it was meant by
Into-me-see
One weekend
We went far away
Spent more time together
And enjoyed our intimacy
To this day I would claim
That It was undoubtedly
The most wonderful time
I had in my life
It was heavenly
But it only took a week
Since our return
For you to say
Over the phone
That things were not right
And you must step out
I sensed your fear
It was tangible
I did not doubt
I understood
I had no more words
To say to you
Except "I understand"
Before I hung up
I felt the dagger
Go through me
The lump in my throat
Almost choking me
I resolved to withdraw
And give you space
The tears that gushed
You could not see
I sobbed through the night
At my Makers feet
I asked for HIS grace
To overcome
To forgive you
As if you owed me nothing
Once again you did call me
Asked me out
To discuss things
Wisdom spoke
Through my mouth
I challenged you
To sort things out
Until then
Not a hope for us
There is no
Fear in Love
The Maker says
God's perfect love
Drives away
All fear from us
I know it is true
For before you came
Into my life
I asked God
To help me love
As only He could love
You were my challenge
To prove that we could
Love passionately
And live fearlessly
Love is abandonment to self
Love is liberation of self
Love is being other centred
Love is not keeping a record
Of the wrong done
Love does not insist on its own way
Love bears all things
It always hopes
Always endures
Always forgives
Love never ends
It never fails
Real love is only possible
When you are
Christ centred
Love is
Not being afraid to love
Christ gave Himself
On The Cross of Calvary
Even when
There was no guarantee
That any one of us
Would return HIS love
I now know
That it is possible
That it is in our hands
If we so will in our hearts
To love like Christ
For His Spirit enables us
To love passionately
To live fearlessly
This is the adventure
Of love and life
The mystery of
The Christ and His Bride
Revealed in
The man and his wife
When two shall become one
Passionately committed
No matter what
Greater love has no other
Than the one who lays down
His life for the other
God's love is the antidote
To the fear of commitment

Couples Relationship Assessment - Section 7 - Now and Forever - Loving Your Life Together

2008-08-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

As you progress through the final section, you might find yourself wondering how you can internalize all of the information presented, transfer the knowledge, and practice it in your daily life.

Many enter marital therapy, coaching, couple's workshops or other programs and seminars with high hopes and good intentions. Too often, they feel frustrated, disillusioned and betrayed when promises fall by the wayside. They move on without any real awareness, skills or techniques they intended to learn.

Following through involves exceedingly more than changing your previous words, actions and behaviors. Real conviction takes constant practice and repetition until the principles and techniques become internalized at such a deep level that they are essential to who you are.

If you are in the midst of relationship distress and turmoil, you will be hard pressed to uncover the true core of your struggle. Becoming glued to everyday surface issues and problems, you will identify with superficial content while ignoring the deeper rhythm of your relationship dance. It is not until you gain the insight and self-awareness to look intensely into your own mirror that you begin "knowing."

No two individuals share the same perspective. Recognition and understanding of your partner's perspectives are precursors to healthy communication. Such insight is also a prerequisite for the feelings of mutual safety, trust, respect, and admiration. Once you begin to understand one another's views of the current state of the relationship, you are in the right position to change and Co-Create the relationship of your dreams.

In Section 7 of the Couples Relationship Assessment, you will score statements that correspond to the following chapters from The Journey from "I-TO-WE".

Chapter 21 - Parent Your Children for Success

New parents typically possess pure and genuine intentions to care for their children in every way possible. They wish to help their kids become happy, successful, loving and confident adults. Parents worry about doing everything correctly and instilling in their children deeply cherished family traditions, values and beliefs. Parents worry about their children from the time they are born. Care and concern never ends.

The majority of parents aim to satisfy the unique needs of their children at each stage of their development. Most invest enormous amounts of time, love and resources into their kids' upbringing. Therefore, they feel annoyed and irritated when their children display defiance, selfishness or disrespect. Parents become confused and even alarmed when they cannot connect with or understand their children. Moreover, parents often feel guilty, ashamed and regretful when they grow frustrated and angry with their children. How can you be different?

Chapter 21 - Parent Your Children for Success

Meanings entail rituals, symbols and structures for you, your relationship and your family. They comprise words, actions, behaviors and objects that hold personal and spiritual significance.

They act as a lighthouse that reminds you where you have been and where you are headed. The beacon is the light of hope and promise for the future. It illuminates the beauty of all you have created together on your journey thus far and presents your chosen path for the future.

Are you ready to begin your journey to gain the awareness, learn the skills and practice the techniques to achieve relationship success at home, at work and within yourself?

Section 7 - Complete steps 1 through 9.

Step 1 - Your perspective of yourself - Rate your degree of agreement with each statement on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being a definite "yes" and 1 being a definite "no." Using a black pen, write your score on the first line to the left of each statement.

Step 2 - Your perspective of your partner - Rate your partner according to how you feel the statement applies to him or her from your perspective. Using a black pen, write your score on the second line to the left of each statement.

Example: 10_ 8_- 1 - I am committed to our relationship.
If you feel you are 100% committed, place a 10 as shown above. If you feel your partner is only 80% committed, place an 8 on the second space.

Step 3 - When you have completed each of the topics, total all of the scores within each topic, and write the number in the space marked Topic Score. When you and your partner have finished scoring your Assessments, let each other know.

Step 4 - No matter what number your partner writes down, refrain from reacting negatively to your partner's scores. Be supportive; do not get defensive, resentful, or angry. Begin to create safety in the relationship by thanking your partner for having the courage to trust you by sharing his or her true thoughts and feelings.

Step 5 - At the top of the "Our Relationship Assessment" page is a space to record the date and your names. Record your perspective of yourself score beneath your name. Next, when your partner shares the total topic score from his or her workbook, record it beneath his or her name.

Step 6 - Total both of your scores for each topic and divide by 200 to get the percentage score. Place this under the Topic Percentage Score heading to the right of your individual scores.

Step 7 - Total your individual scores for each topic; divide by 21. Place both of the average sums in the appropriate Total Relationship Score line at the end of the "Our Relationship Assessment." Add your two percentages, divide by two, and place the number to the right of your individual Total Relationship Scores. This is the percentage score for your assessment.

Step 8 - In the "Our Relationship Assessment" section, using a black pen, place a checkmark to the left of each topic heading that has a Total Percentage Score of 80 or above. Celebrate these and focus on the positives they bring to your relationship.

Step 9 - Place a red X to the left of each topic heading that has a percentage score below 80. Be mindful of the topics that score between 60 and 79. Here, you have room to improve, but such areas are less dire than any topics with scores below 60. They are the areas that need the most immediate attention.

Chapter 21 - Parent Your Children for Success

_______ _______ - 1 - I know how to coach my children to be Emotionally Intelligent.
_______ _______ - 2 - I take the time to be mentally present and emotionally available when my children need me.
_______ _______ - 3 - I listen to my children when they are afraid, sad, angry, confused, or disappointed.
_______ _______ - 4 - I put myself in my children's shoes, and understand and empathize with their experience.
_______ _______ - 5 - I do not rush my children when they are trying to communicate a thought or feeling to me.
_______ _______ - 6 - I help them understand their emotions and let them know emotions are okay.
_______ _______ - 7 - I help them self-soothe and calm themselves during these discussions.
_______ _______ - 8 - I help them see new perspectives of the situation.
_______ _______ - 9 - I assist them in finding solutions to their issues and problems.
_______ _______ - 10 - I am an Emotionally Intelligent parent.

_______ _______ - Topic Score

Chapter 22 - Create Lasting Meaning for Your Relationship

_______ _______ - 1 - We know the importance of rituals, symbols, and structures in creating meaning in our relationship.
_______ _______ - 2 - We have created rituals, symbols, and structures to have safe, honest, peaceful, respectful, and loving discussions.
_______ _______ - 3 - We have created rituals, symbols, and structures to make each other feel safe, loved, and cared for.
_______ _______ - 4 - We have created rituals, symbols, and structures to build trust, respect and admiration.
_______ _______ - 5 - We have created rituals, symbols, and structures to satisfy each other's required, important and desired needs.
_______ _______ - 6 - We have created rituals, symbols, and structures for romance, intimacy, and sexuality in our relationship.
_______ _______ - 7 - We have created rituals, symbols, and structures to manage and live with our problems peacefully.
_______ _______ - 8 - We have created rituals, symbols, and structures of friendship and connection.
_______ _______ - 9 - We have created rituals, symbols, and structures to honor our values, vision, and spirituality.
_______ _______ - 10 - We have created rituals, symbols, and structures to remind us to continue learning, stretching, growing, maturing and changing.

_______ _______ - Topic Score

Our Relationship Assessment

_______ - 1 - Commitment _________ _________ _________
_______ - 2 - Discussion _________ _________ _________
_______ - 3 - Awareness _________ _________ _________
_______ - 4 - Wounds _________ _________ _________
_______ - 5 - Conflict _________ _________ _________
_______ - 6 - Communication _________ _________ _________
_______ - 7 - Change _________ _________ _________
_______ - 8 - Avoidance _________ _________ _________
_______ - 9 - Behaviors _________ _________ _________
_______ - 10 - Needs _________ _________ _________
_______ - 11 - Problems _________ _________ _________
_______ - 12 - Compromise _________ _________ _________
_______ - 13 - Friendship _________ _________ _________
_______ - 14 - Connection _________ _________ _________
_______ - 15 - Values _________ _________ _________
_______ - 16 - Vision _________ _________ _________
_______ - 17 - Romance _________ _________ _________
_______ - 18 - Intimacy _________ _________ _________
_______ - 19 - Sexuality _________ _________ _________
_______ - 20 - Parenting _________ _________ _________
_______ - 21 - Meaning _________ _________ _________

Total Relationship Score _________ _________ _________

Congratulations for completing the "I-TO-WE" Couples Relationship Assessment. I hope you gained awareness about the positive and negative areas of your relationship - the first step toward a peaceful, joyous, passionate, and loving relationship.

My hope is that this assessment series is the beginning of a guide for you on a wonderful journey together as you begin to cross the bridge into your field of sunflowers. Remember to live each day honoring the 12 Principles of Emotionally Intelligent Relationships.

From now until eternity,
may you always remain each other's...
Best Friend during the Day,
Lover at Night, and
Partner for Life

©2008 - All rights reserved - Glenn Cohen - "I-TO-WE" Relationship Coaching

Finding Old Friends For Free

2008-07-12T07:31:00.000-07:00

Are you searching for an old friend? Perhaps a buddy from school that you lost touch with? Or maybe a long-lost love that you've never really gotten over?

In the past you would have had to spend hundreds of dollars on a private investigator and wait weeks or even months for the results. But the internet has made finding old friends for free easier than ever. Today you can track down information on just about anyone right from the comfort of your own home.

But where do you start?

Let's take a look at a couple of different ways find old friends online. The first method is free, but it will take a good deal of time and effort. The second method takes only a few minutes but you have to pay a small fee. Which one you use its entirely up to you.

If you want to try the free method first, just go to your favorite search engine. I prefer Google myself, but use whatever you're comfortable with. To run a free search on someone just enter their name in quotes and click the search button. It's important to put their name in quotes to narrow down the results.

The next step is to sift through the results to try and find information on the person you're looking for. Click on each result and check out the web page to see if there's anything that could lead you to them. I'm warning you now if they have a common name you will have to go through a lot of pages to find anything of value. More unique names are a little easier to search.

As I said this method can take a lot of time and there's no guarantee that you'll find what you need. Even if you do find them mentioned on a blog or website, there may not be any contact information to track them down with. But it doesn't cost anything so its worth trying.

If you can't find anything with a search engine, its time to try an online background search. These are services that report details on individuals for a small fee. Background reports are often used by employers, private investigators, and law enforcement officials. But the internet will let your run a background check on someone too.

To get started, simply visit an online background check site and enter the name of the person you are searching for. You'll be able to run a free search to check if their name is listed in the background report database. In just a second of two you'll receive some basic results including the name and location of the person you're searching for. Once you've confirmed that they're listed in the database, you simply pay the one-time fee and you'll have immediate access to their full background report including their current address and contact information.

Building Relationships, Commitment, and Love - Starting With E

2008-07-12T07:11:00.000-07:00

We continue our series on how to build interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone. Commitment and love are important to all of us; they are worth fighting for; they are worth working for. You also should know that in spite of many promises there is no secret for success, no checklist of things to do, and just as importantly no checklist of things not to do. But we do have suggestions, now continuing with the letter E. The focus is on earnest, emotional, and encouraging.

E is for earnest. This quality is so important one of the English language's greatest writers, Oscar Wilde, wrote a play entitled, "The Importance of Being Earnest." Or maybe it was "The Importance of Being Ernest." Anyway, being earnest means being serious, really serious. If you are earnest people know that you mean business. In fact more than that, they know you mean what you say. They know you'll get it done instead of saying let George do it. You don't pass the buck. The downside is that in some workplaces guess who will be given the thankless tasks, the ones that nobody wants. Did I hear Ernie? I know I didn't hear George.

E is for emotional. You are not a bloodless automaton. You've got a heart. Perhaps you even cry in the corner when nobody sees you. That's a good thing. Because you have an inner self and you are in touch with your inner self you can reach out to people. The more you reach out, the more people will reach out to you. They realize that they don't have to hide their feelings in your presence. They, too, can be themselves. The way I see it, we need more people who are emotional in all parts of their life, including the workplace. Just remember, don't let the boss see you crying when you are turned down for a promotion. That won't help your chances the next time.

E is for encouraging. This quality is also sorely lacking not only in the business world but also on the personal plane. People need encouragement. They need to know that they can do it and that someone is rooting for them. Isn't that a lot better than being negative, telling people that they just are not good enough? You can be encouraging; I know you can. Don't let any stop you.

How to Get an Ex Boyfriend Back - Unknown Secrets Revealed

2008-07-12T07:06:00.000-07:00

Do you miss him already? If so, there no reason to waste time getting him back. This is THE BIGGEST mistake I see people make. We like to think that "time will heal" or over time things will "work themselves out". Please, don't be another victim to this myth. Time is actually your biggest enemy when learning how to get an ex boyfriend back. Think about it...over time REALLY just gives him more time to get over you and find a new girlfriend. Is that what you want? Of course not.

However, you do want to wait just a few days after the breakup before contacting him again. This is because right after a breakup tension between the two of you is at it's highest. Meaning anything you say or do, regardless of your intentions, will make him even more angry and upset at you. Not sure what I'm talking about? Well, let me explain...

How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back - Thing NOT To Say and Do...

- Tell him your sorry for EVERYTHING

- Convince him he is the love of your life

- Tell him you will change for good this time

- Constantly call or text him

- And the worst thing you can do...BEG for him to take you back

Hopefully, you can see why saying these things RIGHT after a breakup is a BAD IDEA. Even if you have already done some of these things already DON'T PANIC... You can STILL get him back but you need to have a PLAN or else your going to continue making mistakes and eventually he will be gone.

Understanding This Multiracial Generation - Can it Change Our Future?

2008-07-12T06:54:00.000-07:00

Phil and Sonya Thomas continue to fight their local school system. As they wait for the proceedings to begin, they feel the matter could have been avoided if their son's teacher would have listened. Now, the matter has escalated to this. With their lawyer at their side, the parents watch as the principal defends the teacher: she was justified in labeling their son. The school system experts also support the teacher. Sonya Thomas struggles to reframe herself. "We don't care what the experts say. It isn't the school's right to categorize our son. You are only looking at the outside." She breaks down. "Why can't you accept that our son isn't white? He's a black American." The room gets quiet.

The US Dilemma

As many voters turn their attention to the presidential election, the media continues to remind us of race. With a white mother from Kansas and a black father from Kenya, Barak Obama makes us uneasy with his racial background. Some people view him as "too black" while others declare that he is just "not black enough." Individuals with a mixed heritage betray our hidden beliefs and sometimes our prejudices. For example, rapper Kanye West in 2006 told Essence Magazine, "If it wasn't for race mixing, there'd be no video girls." Growing up in Louisiana, we lived with a one-drop rule. The one-drop rule holds that individuals with any degree of African ancestry cannot be white. In fact, it makes that person 100% black. In this narrow viewpoint, regardless of the race of the mother the child is determined black. Therefore, regardless of a person's racial preference, society seeks to make its own judgment of an individual based on a person's skin color. In most cases, society forces children to make a decision early in life. Shouldn't we be free from societal racial classification? Let's further explore this unique situation.

The Historical Perspective

During slavery and the Jim Crow Era, racial laws were developed to prevent intermarriage and co-mingling with other races. In the South, determining one's race was a fact of life. The term "mulatto" was originally used to describe the union of whites and blacks. From 1870 to 1880, multatto included quadroons, octoroons, and all persons having any perceptible trace of African blood. Demographics are now changing in America. According to the US 2000 Census, there are 3.1 million interracial couples. In fact, one in every 20 children is born from a mixed-race heritage. Many people focus solely on black and white integration. However, this multigenerational movement is far more extensive. According to University of Michigan researchers, Asian Americans have the highest outmarriage rates among racial and ethnic groups (about one and a half million children under age 17 had one Asian parent and another non-Asian parent in 1990). Many of today's most talented celebrities come from a mixed heritage. They include Dwayne "The Rock," Johnson, Halle Berry, Vin Diesel, Derek Jeter, Rachel Smith, and Tiger Woods. For many Generation Xers and Millenniums, the formation of a multiracial society is normal. Many older Americans are not as comfortable with interracial mixing. However, they aren't the only individuals dealing with racial problems. Many times multiracial children have a difficult time coping with a racially charged society. Charlotte Nitardy, in her article "Identity problems in biracial youth," noted that biracial children have issues with racial identity problems. In many cases, biracial children are faced with choosing one racial group and rejecting the other in order to survive in society.

The Real Challenge

Are the old racial labels outdated for this multiracial generation? Anne Tsui and Barbara Gutek, authors of Demographic Differences in Organizations, maintain that there is still unrest about diversity. They explain, "Below the surface of increased activities and some apparent progress in diversity efforts by companies lie feelings of discomfort, frustration, confusion, and even anger, among women and men, ethnic minorities and the white majority." Today's children have little concept of segregated living. Dating outside of one's race is pretty common in most communities. The US Census has been in charge of tracking the racial classification in this country. Clearly, checking one box or multiple boxes for one racial identification may not be practical now. In fact, because of interracial dating, social demographic changes, and individuals' right to self-determine their racial preference, the census data may make little sense for the America of the future. Consequently, it may become a distant memory as the multiracial generation continues to expand across America. Unfortunately, society still wrestles with how to deal with this multiracial generation. Will America be ready for a multiracial president or a growing self-identifying multiracial generation? I am optimistic that we are ready. The clock is ticking on America.

Three Key Break Up Warning Signs

2008-07-12T06:43:00.000-07:00

Relationships constantly evolve. If you are not feeling good about some of the changes that are happening in your relationship you are probably wondering if they are signs of an inevitable break up. Not every change means you are headed for break up but there are three key break up warning signs.

Break Up Warning Sign #3

The blame game is the number three break up warning sign. If its always the other person's fault then no one is taking responsibility. Sometimes in relationships people revert to childhood tendencies. These aren't that actual words but in effect they are saying, "it's not my fault, you made me do it." There is no culpability for one's own actions. So if neither party is willing to take responsibility for the relationship there is going to be a problem. This blame the other person is the number three warning sign of a break up.

Break Up Warning Sign #2

Constant fights are the number two break up warning sign. If the frequency and content of the fights tend to escalate then you have a serious break up problem. When two people fight like this things get said and insults are hurled that are very difficult to take back later. Its very, very difficult to keep the relationship going this way. What the fights are about is not nearly as important as the nature of the fight. Verbal sparring often leads to very serious relationship injuries and is clearly the number two warning sign of a break up.

Break up Warning Sign #1

Relationships often move very quickly to a comfortable place. However, it is very easy to move from being comfortable with each other to neglecting each other. Neglect is the number one warning sign of a break up. Neglect can take many forms but we all know it when we are feeling it. You may feel neglected because your feelings and opinions are not seriously considered. Even worse you may feel neglect because you are being ignored. When your significant other begins to tune you out the relationship is headed for a break up. This type of neglect is really the most insulting. It implies that you have no value or anything to say worth listening to. So it is important to address neglect, the number one warning sign of a break up immediately. Don't let it persist.

Ideally, couples will see these warning signs and address them before they get out of control. However, the reality is that many people let these things go on and eventually find themselves in a broken relationship and they don't really know why. Go over these three key break up warning signs and you will begin to find the real source of your problem.

3 Major Reasons Why You Will Never Get a Girl - You Must Be Aware of These Before It's Too Late

2008-07-12T06:38:00.000-07:00

A lot of guys out there want to meet women but why is it that most guys out there are not able to find the right girl or often no girl at all? Why is it that most men out there struggle when it comes to the matter of getting a girl to like them? You see there are several devastating mistakes most guys make out there due to which they are not able to get the kind of girl they desire. Read on to discover what these mistakes are before you end up making the same........

Not making the first move- Most guys feel that they will go out and magically women will approach them and they would get a date. You see no matter how good looking you might be you will always have to approach women no matter what. Some of the most effective girl magnets out there approach a lot of women on a consistent basis.

Not making a good first impression- Now this s the most important aspect of getting a girl. You see it's often said that the first impression is the last impression and this is completely true when it comes to the matter of women. You must make a good first impression otherwise she will never consider you as a potential date ever.

Thinking you are average and you will not get good looking females- Now this is an attitude most guys have out in our society. This kind of thinking means you already know that you are not good enough and it will some what reflect on your personality. Women notice this and they would reject you even before you make your attempt. This is the major reason why you must never put yourself down and limit your resources.

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but you absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover 9 most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know

Free People Searching - Count Me in For This One!

2008-07-12T06:31:00.000-07:00

Everyone and their sister is pitching this FREE PEOPLE SEARCHING site or that one. Problem is, there are a lot of skeletons in those closets...meaning they're NOT free at the end of the day.

You may get involved in one free people search and then get to the happy last button only to discover that ONLY through the digits on your Visa card can you find out if that old girlfriend or old boss or old guy from the older neighborhood is still there...and that's pathetic.

It's also epidemic of the internet where shady people hide behind IP addresses that "WHOIS" somewhere to a pet shop in the old Soviet Union, or to the basement of a 19 year old off of exit 198 of the Garden State Parkway in NJ!

Free, to me, means pay nothing. Sorry, maybe it's my upbringing, but a free people search shouldn't bend the rules in any way. It should deliver the goods.

And I have not only found the one that I am going to stick with, thank you very much, but it is also a people finding search engine that is DEDICATED TO ONLY FINDING PEOPLE. It only searches for people on a daily basis.

It is the brainchild of a VERY smart guy from the Washington area who discovered that a full one third of all searches at the biggest search engines were free people search driven. Think about that for a second. Can you even fathom how many names that must be flying around all day long???

Old boyfriends, jail cell mates, college roommates, people you always wanted to date, people you always wanted to see elected...whatever and whoever...it's wild how many different aspects there are to the finding people game.

Allied People Search is SOOOOO stripped down, and so free of all the typical internet look and feel and noise, that you may not appreciate it's power when you get there (later today!)

But this baby will over deliver on its results...you wait and see...

Love it.

This free people searching thing is enormous...I suppose I just never knew how much.

Do Nice Guys Finish Last? Here is the Shocking Answer You Have Desperately Been Searching For

2008-07-12T06:28:00.000-07:00

So do nice guys really finish last? This subject has been the big topic of discussing since ages and almost every guy out there wants to know whether nice guys do finish last. You see there are a lot of misconceptions on this topic but the facts are only known to a select few. Now you are being introduced to the real facts. Read on to discover what the real answer is and put an end to the mystery forever..........

Yes it's true- Well in one simple line yes nice guys do finish last and there are several reasons for that. You see nice guys make several mistakes due to which women are repelled.

They adapt to anything- They are willing to change themselves according to the woman which means they will do anything to be around the kind of woman they want to be around which is a very strong sign of weakness and women don't like weak men. They want to be around someone who is a strong decision maker.

They are highly insecure- This is one of the biggest reasons why nice guys always finish last. You see the problem with most nice guys is that they are some what insecure about themselves and they are not sure about their own opinion about themselves that's why they go around asking for someone else's opinion. At the same time they feel they are just not good enough and they will never find the kind of woman they desire therefore they try to be overly nice when they do find one. They have a loser like attitude which women dislike and that's why they finish last.

An absolute must know for you- This secret is an absolute must know for you no matter what. This is the grand daddy of all which would give you the ultimate power to become a magnet towards which every woman would be attracted.

3 Stupid Mistakes Men Make Around Girls All the Time - You Simply Can Not Afford to Miss This

2008-07-12T06:15:00.000-07:00

Well may it be intentional or unintentional there are some thing a lot of men out there do subconsciously which often gets them dumped by women within seconds. You see these are some mistakes a lot of men make on a regular basis and more or less they don't seem to have any control over these things. Read on to discover what these mistakes are and what you should do about them............

Getting nervous around women all the time- When you are nervous she will feel strange in your company. You see because being around women is all about how confident and secure you are about yourself but when you get nervous in such ways it's quite obvious that you are not even comfortable in your skin.

Feeling that you might lose her as she is too good for you- This is something most average men go through when they actually do get to be around a highly attractive woman. You see this kind of thinking does mean that you are insecure about yourself and the very fear of losing her would make you push her away and you will lose her anyway. Therefore learn to control yourself and forget about the outcome.

Being jealous of other guys- Again this only means that you don't think you are good enough for her and you fear that someone else might steal her away from you due to which you feel jealous of other guys. You see the moment you lose this feeling of jealousy her chances of leaving you will completely diminish.

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but you absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover 9 most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know

The Power of Asking Versus the Force of Telling

2008-06-08T11:45:00.000-07:00

A while back I got a different sort of meeting request at work. I was being summonsed to assist with an audit objective and it seemed important. If I didn't already know it was important, I soon surmised it as critical when I read the coloured label "Must Attend"! Needless to say, I was otherwise free, so I accepted the invitation.

Yet, I felt not-quite-right about it. Later that day I reflected on this experience and then recognised what I felt earlier was a form of instant aggrievement at being 'told' I must attend. Several times during the ensuing period prior to the meeting I reflected, and the more I did, the more the very minor resentment burgeoned within me.

Then, on the day of the meeting, a colleague, who was also told he 'must attend,' approached me in planning for the meeting, and he also voiced his displeasure in receiving the invitation in this manner. It reminded me of the negotiation principle of the 'power of asking versus the force of telling.' We both joked how we felt like boycotting the meeting. Now, how childish would that have been?

The meeting transpired and it was a normal meeting and the person requesting the meeting was anything but the ogre they'd come across as. I certainly didn't feel told what to do -- it didn't end up that way at all.

In reflecting on this discussion I felt I had let myself down, and the person who had sent the meeting invite, for having the feelings of resentment and for sharing this with another person, regardless how minor.

But, I also thought, "Do I cause resentments in others by virtue of my demands on them?"

Being told what to do reminds us of being a child; of having little or no control over things. Being asked however generates a totally different effect, and the power of influence is suddenly open to use. People might feel privileged to be asked or genuinely invited. Being asked is also a question that intuits a response -- it is voluntary. Being told is a command, and commands don't often work these days. Even in authority circles, commands don't work very well. (And how many people still don't get this?!)

There is real power in asking and employing age-old principles of influence. You will get more, and achieve more with people, when you ask and don't tell. You'll also retain something far more important -- your relationship with the people affected. It only takes a little more effort and creativity to ask rather than tell.

Make a commitment to yourself to ask more questions, particularly when it comes to seeking commitment from others to do things you want them to do. Work also on finding creative ways of persuading people so they will actually want to do your thing.

Do You Need Wedding Linens For Your Reception?

2008-06-08T11:31:00.000-07:00

Every year, over two million couples take the biggest in their adult lives and get married. While there are many decisions to be made when planning a wedding, the reception is usually considered the event where people can loosen up after the ceremony, which can be quite stressful for some. Wedding linens are a popular and elegant way to add a beautiful look and feel to a reception. By using high quality wedding linens, a couple can change the different aspects of the design of their reception to make it more representative of who they are.

While everyone these days seem to use wedding linens and use the services of wedding linen rental companies, some people who have never planned a wedding wonder whether or not they are actually needed. By looking at your own situation, you can understand if you need to use high quality linens for your wedding.

What is the Style or Theme of your Wedding?

The style or theme of your wedding can directly affect your decision of the quality, fabric and style of your wedding linens. Because of the way that wedding linens can be used, they can have a dramatic effect on how your wedding reception looks and feels. The linens can be used as the tablecloths and be rotated and draped in different ways to make the tables more classy and interesting.

Stylish chair covers can be used as a way to bring in a more elegant and inviting look to your wedding reception. If you are looking for a certain style (simple, traditional or elegant) for your wedding reception, you have numerous choices to look at when you eventually choose your wedding linens rental company.

Another important aspect to consider for wedding linens is your choice of colors and fabrics for your wedding reception. If you have certain "colors" you would like to see all over, the use of table linens can help. Accents and colors for table linens and chair covers can be incredibly helpful as far as design is concerned. It is important to understand that wedding linens is an incredible way to add visual excitement to your reception.

Wedding Linens Actually Serve Two Purposes

Wedding linens serve more of a purpose than simply a design aesthetic. The tables and chairs that are provided in your reception space may have some age and wear and tear on them, or may simply not work with the design. By using wedding linens, you can cover the tables and chairs and bring a brand new look to the room. Also, if you have a large number of tables and chairs, it's possible to have mismatching items that should be covered to help the design.

Wedding linens are a great way to add a quality experience for your guests at your reception. Although it's not 100% necessary to use wedding linen rentals, but if you speak with people how have, there are almost not regrets since the quality and choices are often limited by what the hotel can offer you.

Taking Care Of Your Relationship

2008-06-08T11:09:00.000-07:00

Anyway you look at it, most of our concerns are in one way or another, connected with our relationships. For example, those who are usually belittled often experience low self esteem. Those who are not accepted by their peers can lead to anger.

Those who are lonely and isolated often have feelings of vulnerability and rejection. Indeed the many feelings that we experience can be traced to our relationships. In the same way the positive feelings we experience also stem from the relationships we cultivate.

Indeed, relationships are significant in our life. We cannot escape the fact that our lives revolved around relationships. We deal with our family members, friends, colleagues, and peers and nourish our relationships with them. Every aspect of our daily life is affected by these relationships. We even have relationships, albeit short ones, to those people we don't know, such as interaction with a sales agent, or going to our physician. Thus it is important that we cultivate and nourish these relationships so they can bring in positive feelings and experiences for us.

What we make of our relationship determines the feelings we have. For relationships that are loving, friendly, warm, we associate with feelings of being encouraged, refreshed, connected, and accepted. Meanwhile the relationships that result in conflict and hurt can lead to emotional pain and stress especially if they are left unresolved.

We can build relationships in the same way that we can tear them down. How we value our relationship has an effect on how the relationship turns out. If we put care and attention to them our relationships will turn out to be good ones. Shower kindness and love and there's a good chance that our relationship will be beneficial and happy.

It is us who make our relationships work. It is important that we assess our relationships. Think of how we deal with our friends, loved ones, and family members. Ask if you are treating them in the way that you would like to treat you. Are you being forgiving? Or are you usually seeking for revenge? Are you always seeking for peace in your relationships? Are you the first to take notice of your loved one's shortcomings and make it the cause of a rocky relationship?

If we only seek to assess our relationships and make ways to improve them, then we can all be assured of happiness and excitement.

Relationship Tips

2008-06-08T11:03:00.000-07:00

Relationship tips are necessary to ensure that you're giving and getting the best out of your involvement with others. Everybody has relationships. Some are bad, good, mediocre, exciting, tense, loving and so much more. One thing is for certain--great relationships are key to a person's happiness.

There's a common saying that people in love don't get colds. The reason being that a loving relationship or many loving relationships, can make even the most unpleasant of people happy. Having great relationships improves the quality of your life. It's important to learn how to recognize what makes someone a good friend and also how to be one.

Healthy relationships can really boost a person's mental, emotional, even physical state, whereas unhealthy even toxic relationships can be the cause of frustration, unhappiness and depression. You must strive to seek out the qualities in people that you believe are important in being a good friend, and you must also return the favor. For instance, if loyalty is an important quality in your friends, then you must also master this quality and show your loyalty to others. Others will recognize this quality in you and want to treat you as well as you treat them. It's a win-win situation

Our top ten relationship tips will help you to begin nurturing the people in your life and your relationship with them. Whether you're looking to improve things between you and your best friend, sibling or partner, these relationship tips can work for you.

Remember that it takes two to make things work in relationships, so get ready to take a look at yourself and see how you can take these relationship tips and include them in your overall self improvement.

1. Be clear about who your friends are. Divide people you know into categories, "Family," "Close Friends," "Acquaintances," and "Work Colleagues." Being clear on who your friends are and which group they belong to will help you determine how much quality time you spend with them. This will help you to realize who gets priority in terms of quality time with you. You'll know not to waste time with people who you may not necessarily be interested in building anything with.

2. Clean up your act. If you're often late or canceling your plans with your friends at the last minute, then stop. Failing to live up to your commitments tells people that you don't respect them or their time.

3. Be honest without hurting the other person's feelings. Don't lie to get out of an event you don't want to go to. Tell your friends or spouses that you don't want to attend their event and tell them why. Put it to them gently if you think they may be upset with you, but don't lie to get out of something.

4. Don't try to be a people-pleaser. We've known a lot of people who have tried to be all things to all people and there's always the same result: it doesn't work. Save your time and energy and be yourself. The ones who love you are your real friends, the ones who don't approve or like you aren't. You don't want the latter group in your life.

5. Don't gossip. This can be especially difficult in the workforce, but essential to having a stress-free work environment. When you don't gossip, it frees up your energy to discuss important things with your friends and loved ones. In other words, speak about people as though they can hear you at all times.

6. Be generous. It's become a cliche but it's true: treat others how you would like to be treated. Nothing will make others appreciate you more than this relationship tip.

7. Listen. Listen. Listen. Sometimes it's the best thing you can do. Friends aren't always looking for a quick fix to their problem, they may just want to share something with you. If they are looking for advice from you, be sure to really listen without interrupting before you give them your opinion.

8. Give as much as you take. If your friends are constantly inviting you over (or you constantly invite yourself over!), return the favor and host an event. Your friends will feel like you're carrying your weight and appreciate you for it.

9. Communicate. If something is bothering you, let your friend/partner know about it. Do this without insulting or yelling at the other person. You might want to say something like, "I love you and really value our relationship, which is why I need to let you know that something is bothering me." Then gently let them know what is bothering you and how you think it can be fixed. Do this calmly. Your friend/partner may be upset at first, but if they value the relationship, they'll listen to what you have to say and work out a solution with you.

10. Set boundaries. Make sure that you set healthy boundaries with people. Go back to relationship tip #1 where you divided your friends into groups and set boundaries for each group. For instance, your co-workers shouldn't be calling you at home past a certain hour (unless it's an emergency). If you have a difficult time finding alone time (or down time as we like to call it), then pick a date night for yourself, inform your spouse and commit to it. Setting boundaries is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself, making it the most important of the relationship tips. Use it with the others and you'll see improvements in your relationships.

The Magic of Making Up - How to Get My Ex Girlfriend Back

2008-05-08T10:56:00.000-07:00

Is there really such a thing as the magic of making up, that can easily help you to get your ex girlfriend back to your side, and stay with you forever? Well, in case you are thinking that I am going to talk about magic here, well I am not.

But if you really want to get your ex girlfriend back, it will be very helpful if you understand certain principles about how human beings behave. Once you understand these principles, you will start to realize why certain things don't work and may even make your situation worse.

Let us discuss one principle in this article.

It is, "People want what they do not have." Most probably, you may have come across this principle at one point in time. What this principle is trying to say is that when people want something, but they do not have them or cannot get access to them easily, their desire for it will increase even more.

Similarly, when someone can get something very easily or they have a lot of it, they will not treasure that thing as much.

This principle applies to many areas of your life, including your relationship. When people do not understand this principle, they will start to do things that tend to make the situation worse, instead of helping them.

One very common mistake many guys made when trying to get ex girlfriend back is:

Calling girlfriend over and over again

Why doesn't this work? Well, when you keep on calling your girlfriend again and again, it shows that you are desperate to get her back. Of course, she will know that you are desperate. So, what does that implies?

Well, it implies that she can get you very easily. According to the principle, since she can get you easily, she will not treasure you as much.

Most probably, you may already have made some of those mistakes yourself. But don't blame yourself. Sometimes, it is really easy for us to make those mistakes, especially when we are going through such a tough time as a break up.

3 Stunning Relationship Secrets About Women Every Man Must Know - Achieve Explosive Results

2008-05-01T11:24:00.000-07:00

There are some very vital key elements which keep a relationship going in the long term. You see there are some very important facts a lot of people don't know about women and the relationships game. These elements are extremely important as they would help you survive the tests of time and make sure that your girl never ever dares to leave you and at the same time doesn't get bored around you. Read on to discover what these keys are and achieve mind blowing results using them........

Draw the line right from the beginning- This is something you must do right at the beginning with any girl. It's often said that the first impression is the last impression and this saying actually holds true when it comes to the matter of women and dating. You see if the woman loses value for you early in the relationship there is absolutely no way you will ever get it back since she has already formed this image of you in her mind. Therefore draw the line right at the beginning and earn the respect.

Don't be a yes man- Yes this is one thing a lot of men do when they get into a relationship with a woman. They find it extremely hard to say no for a lot of things due to which the girl feels that she can get what she wants from you and at the same time she wouldn't take no for an answer.

Don't let her dominate you- Respect her but not at the cost of your image in the relationship. Often what happens is that the woman starts to dominate the relationship and the man is not able to do much due to which she ends up getting what she wants at the same time you also give her the power to dump you at any time she pleases.

5 Cruise Pickup Tips

2008-04-27T06:51:00.000-07:00

I'm on a roll with cruises! Remembering my short romance made me remember the techniques I used to get a female companion while on a cruise. I'm no smooth operator, but these seem to work for me. If you're going to be stuck on one alone, it's really better if you get someone to hang out with and talk to, even if it's non-romantic. Who knows? You might find the one for you on a cruise with these tips!

1. Breathe confidence. Sure, some girls like the shy, hesitant type, but you can't really sense that right away. For most girls, the most important thing is confidence. Many women respond positively to it. Smile. Stand tall and move tall. Use confident strides. When trying to pick up a girl, act confident, but not too confident, lest you seem arrogant. She has to feel that you're sure she'll talk to you, and if you don't, big deal. If she rejects, take it with grace and exit with your head held high.

2. Pickup lines? Who needs them? Unless you have an especially creative line that's sure to work, don't use them. They don't work more often than not. Rely on more situational circumstances where those lines will actually work. Speaking of which...

3. Use terrain to your advantage. There are lots of ways to start a conversation. A great way to do this is when someone's outside, on deck. If she's leaning over the guardrail, enjoy the view too before approaching her. If she's relaxing on the recliner, get her a cool drink if she runs out. If she's tanning, don't offer to put lotion unless you have enough balls! If you're in a bar, standard bar rules apply. Are you in the buffet? Ask her if you can sit next to her or opposite her. Be sure she's relaxed enough to accept your offer!

4. Talk about travel. Since you're both on a cruise, use that as an opening line. Ask them if they're enjoying themselves. Ask them if they go often. If both of you are cruise regulars, exchange travel experiences. I've met quite a few friends this way! Fellow travelers love to tell stories, so take advantage of that. Be sure to let her speak, too! And remember to talk to her face, not to her chest.

5. Know when to back off. It may be hard at first, but you should sense when the woman doesn't want to talk to you any longer. When you see her look at her watch often when you're talking, try to end the conversation. Watch out if she's bored or unamused. Try to read her! If you leave without damaging your confidence, it will be easier to try for the next girl.

I'm not really a player, but I always look for a companion on a cruise, friend or more. It adds to the experience and enjoyment, since you meet someone new. How about you? What stuff works on a cruise?

How To Make Any Relationship Successful - 3 Essential Factors You Can't Afford To Miss

2008-04-27T06:49:00.000-07:00

Most people pursue happiness in life but they can never achieve it unless they are happy in their relationships. Relationships form the foundation of a person's emotional state and his happiness or grief more of less depend on the way he is emotionally. You see in order to make sure there are no bumps in a relationship you must follow some extremely essential principles. Read on to discover what these principles are and achieve the desired results within no time by using them...

Be flexible - Relationships are all about making compromises therefore learn to be flexible instead of rigid. You should be willing to shed your ego whenever necessary and consider the wants and needs of your partner. You see it's more or less a two way thing and a relationship can never survive in the long term is one of the partner is unhappy with the other.

Admit to your mistakes - One of the best possible ways to end all arguments within a matter of seconds is to simply admit to your mistakes instead of fighting over them. You see admitting to your mistakes does not make you small rather it gives your partner the indication that you are strong enough to admit to your mistakes whenever you are wrong.

Make your partner feel wanted and loved - Now this is the core foundation of a strong relationship. Every human being has a basic need to feel significant and feel loved. And this love has to be unconditional. You see the moment you start taking your partner for granted the relationship starts going down hill. This is the major reason why you must make your partner feel loved and wanted.

Prevent Break Ups and Bring Back Lost Love

2008-04-27T06:15:00.000-07:00

Keeping a relationship is hard, if you feel that your relationship is going on a wrong direction and you really want things to work between you and your partner, there are things you can do to prevent break ups. Your relationship may be going through rough times now but it doesn't mean it has to end.

We all go through problems and issues in a relationship and the important thing is to recognize the problem and learn to resolve the problem to prevent break ups. Breaking up is the most painful thing that could happen in a relationship and preventing it to happen will save you and your partner to go through unbearable pains.

If your relationship is on its way to a break up, you need to act immediately and do not let things to get worse, you need to sit down with your spouse or partner to talk about the problem. Holding back or delaying things and thinking that this is something you cannot do or you are waiting for her or him to make the first move may not be necessary at this point.

You and your spouse may go through arguments and disagreements, but this is normal in a relationship. What you will do or say during the argument could affect the status of your relationship. Learning how to argue objectively is hard especially if there is anger or disappointment involved but there is no other way but to learn to argue fairly to prevent break ups. Avoid bringing up topics not related to your argument. Choosing the wrong words or action will not prevent break ups but instead it may prompt your spouse to leave. Put yourself in the position of your spouse before saying things that will hurt him or her. You may use the word "I" instead of You" to make your spouse feel that you are just upset but not blaming him or her.

Relationship Breakup Help - 3 Tips You Need To Know

2008-04-27T06:05:00.000-07:00

Do you need help with your Relationship breakup? Mere words cannot describe the devastation, the pain, the anger, the torrent of intense emotions one feels when they realize that they're to part ways with their life and love partner.

And that goes for both sides - the one who initiated the relationship breakup and the one broken up with.

Crying for relationship breakup help is natural - it's human. I don't know about the guy who sees this as a weakness, but he sure doesn't know what it's like to be in your situation.

If you're looking for solid and practical relationship breakup help, this simple article would help you greatly.

Relationship Breakup Help Tip 1 - Acceptance

So you're feeling intense emotional pain, depression, resentment?

Accept them. Realize that these are feelings are natural. If you need to cry or scream - then do so. Others may look at crying as a sign of fragility. But that is a huge mistake!

Matter of fact, crying and venting out is one of the best ways to rid yourself of these burdening negative feelings.

Here's a good perspective: By accepting these emotions and giving yourself time and breathing space to let it out, you're making room for positive feelings to live and thrive in.

Relationship Breakup Help Tip 2- Know Why

Feeling a lot better now? Good. Let's move on to the next tip.

Ask yourself this question: Why did you breakup in the first place?

I know there could be a thousand reasons why. It could be they've found someone else, they feel neglected, the passion died out, etc.

Here's what I've found to be reason why life and love partners leave:

For women, they're naturally emotional beings. They want to feel emotional support. They want to feel that their opinions and more importantly their feelings are respected.

If you fail to emotionally satisfy your lady, no matter how good looking you re, how much money you have, or how many gifts you shower her in a month...she'll feel neglected and leave.

Men, on the other hand, would breakup with their girlfriend or wife once they feel that the water runs dry...the relationship becomes monotonous. They feel that there's nothing to look forward to...nothing to keep them longing for more.

You may want to use this as a guide when trying to know the reason behind the breakup, and you may want to drill down deeper.

Relationship Breakup Help Tip 3 - Change

Now that you know the reason why your wife or husband left you - the part of your personality that pushed them away. It's about time to change it.

Whether it's being too emotionally clingy or being indifferent to your partner's feelings, you have to take action to and change.

And you better make sure that you're able to keep those changes. Reverting back to your old ways will only set both of you for greater pain and another stinging breakup...which would be impossible to fix the second time.

Keep these 3 relationship breakup tips closely in mind. It's not yet too late to grab your partner's heart back.

Go and take action.

Can My Relationship Be Saved? A Simple Question With A Simple Answer

2008-04-27T05:59:00.000-07:00

I did something terrible?

In a word, YES - your relationship can still be saved even if you did something terrible. Unless you pointed a gun to your ex or shouted profanity at her down to her great grandmother, then you'd better ask something else than if your relationship can be saved. I've seen and helped people rebuild their relationships - that includes a friend of mine who was left by his wife for someone richer, younger, and better looking! Now before you rush off and do your moves, here's a word of warning:

Forget about what you see in the movies and reality TV shows! Don't even think about Kneeling and begging for forgiveness, bombarding your ex with text messages or filling her inbox with the same "I love you" e-mails. There's no director that shouts "Cut!" and gives you a second, third, or fourth take when things don't go as planned. These stunts aren't the answer to the "can my relationship be saved?" question.

When you're faced with a breakup, you're filled with intense and very negative emotions. They make the situation more confusing! You'd sure go ballistic and end up doing the things I advised you stay away from if you don't take proper action.

The first step in making up to your love partner is clearing yourself of these feelings. How? Give you and your ex some time and breathing space - that means accepting the breakup for now. The time you'll spend alone is crucial if ever you're going to get his or her heart back. During these hours, let it all out - the resentment, the pain, the anger, etc.

Cry if you have to. If you can cry it out with your friends, all the better. That would provide you with a supportive environment that need the most during these gloomy hours. Understanding why they left you is the next step to making up. Ask yourself questions like: Is it my clinginess, my indifference that shooed my ex away? Or have I become too repetitive and droning in our relationship?

Don't make excuses or reasons; critically and objectively answer those questions.

The final step is to change that attitude or that personality of yours that drove your ex away. And you better make sure that these changes are something you can keep. Otherwise, you'd only be setting you and your ex for a stinging disappointment and a more painful breakup. This time it may be impossible for you to save it. That plan I've given you above may sound too common or too simple. But that very same action plan has saved a lot of relationships and marriages - including mine.

So take action and don't do crazy things!

7-Step Foolproof Guide to Creating a Terrible Relationship

2008-03-19T08:58:00.000-07:00

No one SAYS they want a terrible relationship, yet so many people go about creating them that we need to assume they must WANT them! So, here's my 7 Step foolproof guide to creating a terrible relationship.

1. Take no responsibility for your own feelings

Make sure that you do not take responsibility for your own feelings and your own sense of safety and security. Make sure that you ignore your feelings enough so that you create an empty black hole inside that needs to be filled up by sex, things, or by someone else's love or attention.

2. Find someone to do it for you

Look for someone to fill your emptiness, someone to make you feel loved, happy, safe and secure. A good way to determine if this is the right person is if he or she comes on REALLY strong, promising you the world, or at least great sex.

3. Once you find the right person, be sure to behave in one of the two following ways:

a. Completely give yourself up
Completely put yourself aside, focusing all your attention on the other person's feelings and needs. Your hope is that if you are wonderful enough and sacrifice yourself enough, the other person will give you the love you are seeking. Be sure to completely ignore your own feelings and needs, no matter what the other person does. Be the best caretaker you can be to try to have control over getting the other person's love and approval.
b. Demand the other person live up to your expectations
Start slow, gradually building to becoming more and more demanding of the other person. If he or she doesn't meet your expectations, be sure to criticize, blame, chastise, berate, threaten, ignore, yell at, belittle, lecture, debate, and argue with your partner. Your job is to gain control over getting the other person to completely give him or herself up and focus only on filling your emptiness and needs with their love, approval, attention, sex, devotion, time, and adoration. Be the best taker you can be, making sure to keep your partner feeling guilty and responsible for your feelings of security and self-esteem.

4. Be the victim

As your relationship starts to decline, move more and more into thinking and behaving as a victim of the other person's choices. This will lead to more fights or to distance, lack of passion, lack of fun, and a complete inability to communicate about anything, even minor situations. In any discussions, be sure to seek to be right, win your point, and make your partner wrong. After all, this is a competition for who is the good one and the right one. Or, just collapse and give in, a great way to be a victim.

5. Withdraw

Start to spend less and less time with your partner, spending it alone or with other people, or in front of the TV. Convince yourself that your misery is completely your partner's fault, and that you picked the wrong person, again. NEVER EVER take any responsibility for your own feelings, needs, behavior, and choices. Never forget that you are the victim.

6. Get your partner into counseling

Seek counseling to get your partner to change. Do NOT enter counseling to deal with your own controlling behavior of being a taker or caretaker. Rather, be sure to tell the therapist everything your partner does wrong, using the therapist's office as just another arena to prove that you are right and your partner is wrong, or you are the good one and your partner is the bad one.

7. You did it!

Congratulations! You have succeeded in creating a terrible relationship! Now you can miserably and righteously leave your partner and do the whole thing again! You get to complain to all your friends about what a terrible person your ex-partner is and get sympathy for all you've been though. What a reward for all your hard work!

Relationship Advice - Should You Ask Friends For Advice?

2008-03-19T08:41:00.000-07:00

Friends are special. They give us lots of pleasure and support. They make us feel good. They care about us. And they want us to be happy.

Should we ask them for advice on our relationships? Well, some people fear they have nowhere else to turn, so they ask their friends or relatives what they should do about their relationships.

The Best Policy

Yes, a friend may offer sound advice, but no one can tell you what's right for you or your relationships. Relationship decisions are best left up to you.

Although friends may be eager to help, they can only speak from their experience, their beliefs and values, and the perspective of their relationship history.

Your perspective will be different.

Your friends and family members will not have the experience with your particular situation. Their counsel will come from their own situations and life experience.

Plus, we often put our friends in the position of telling us what we want to hear -- or confirming our thinking on a given subject: it is sometimes hard for a friend to shoot straight with us.

It is usually the best policy to draw upon your own personal experience, inner resources and the direction provided by your own conscience when making decisions about your relationships. You can accept all the advice in the world, but when it comes down to it, you have to decide for yourself.

Some People Want Someone To Tell Them What To Do

Some people seek the advice of a psychic in matters of the heart . . . or someone who will tell them what to do. Wouldn't that make life so much easier if we could make others responsible for our own hard decisions?

But no one can speak from your experience or address your needs better than you.

What You Can Do

Trust yourself.

Consult your heart and muster the courage to make your own decisions about your life -- you're the one who has to deal with the consequences of your decisions.

Benjamin Franklin said there are three hard things in life: steel, diamonds and knowing oneself. OK, so maybe he left off tungsten . . . but you get the point.

Strive to know yourself and make your own decisions. Your life will be so much better.

To make your relationship decisions easier, try a simple formula I often share with my clients: listen to yourself . . . and that includes your heart, head and conscience.

How To Overcome Jealousy In Romantic Relationships

2008-03-19T08:33:00.000-07:00

May be you are too jealous but as you might have realized, it does not come by choice. It is a strong emotion which works you up to regrettable levels. May be you are the kind of a person that does very stupid things at the heat of the moment and you are left embarrassed. You might spot your lover with a prospectus boss, start hailing abuses and may be even get physical. This is a dangerous level which might drive your lover away from you unless it is kept in check. To overcome jealousy in romantic relationships in romantic relationships, you must first of all discover the root of the disturbing emotion. Did she cheat on you once? Does the other person shower him with overflowing favors? It will do you good if you understand the root of insecurity.

To overcome jealousy in romantic relationships in romantic relationships, learn how to handle competition. Attractive people are approached for dating all the time. Accept what you cannot change and walk around it. To remain top on the list you must be able to beat others who might be in competition for her/his love. Jealousy will only eat you up and leave you feeling bad, sad and unloved. Do not walk in the shadow of ignorance. If you do not reveal your jealousy, you will learn so much about your lover. He/she will voluntarily tell you about who is chasing after him or her but just with a light touch. Your reaction might determine what should be communicated to you in the future. If you are abreast with his/her admirers you are way step ahead because you have a chance to beat them before they start their game. To overcome jealousy in romantic relationships encourage openness in a relationship.

To overcome jealousy in romantic relationships, talk about it. When your lover knows that it is makes you uneasy when you are in a company of some people, he/she is a position to do a lot to save you the agony. She might start flirting with you when the company is around and may be the public show of affection will reduce your insecurity thus help you overcome jealousy in romantic relationships. She is best placed to assure you her love and take it a step further by announcing it to the whole world. Do not die with your feelings. Confess what your love for her is driving at. Chances are it will do you more good than harm. Off course when you declare your emotions it will be a sure sign of love and affection towards her.

Why i encourage communication is because some things we do as human beings are intentional. Your lover might be subjecting you to so much heartache in a mission to prove a thing. These are games lovers play. Some believe that a jealous lover is a true lover. Due to the rising levels of betrayal and malice in the dating scene, people are keen to look for real love. She might be raining praises about another gentleman just to watch your reaction. If you respond positively, the subjection stops and life continues. If you consider it a weakness and persevere you are subjected to more. Do not overcome jealousy in romantic relationships on your own. Involve your lover and you might even discover it was not your weakness after all.

How To Live Dating Life To The Fullest As A Single Parent

2008-03-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

Single parenthood is a challenge and i have all due respect for all the single parents. Kudos single parents! You are to be admired. You were brave enough to leave that jerk of man. If you are a man you deserve to be congratulated since you did not fear the responsibility of bringing up the kids. I sincerely love your guts. Being single does not mean that you have to deny yourself some worldly pleasures. You need them to live a full dating life because that is why you left your spouse after all. You must have realized that something was missing in your life. You can simply get that one thing which can add glory to your life as a single parent and ensure that you are living your life to the fullest.

What are the circumstances that led to your separation with the mother or father to your kids? However weighty is the matter, put it at the back of your mind and establish a new foundation for your dating life. It has no rehearsals and a mistake is a mistake when we refuse to see it as an experience to learn from. You might have encouraged a relationship which withdrew a lot from you but you should learn to never say die. That should be the spirit to help you live a dating life to the fullest as a single parent. Did your partner leave you because you were poor? Do not lower your self esteem over such opinions because it will only take you down the drain. May be your partner left you wondering why she/he had to leave. You thought you were the best lover but you were proved wrong. Those might be disturbing thoughts and assumptions but do not even go there. You are better than that. You can still love and be loved if you allow yourself to.

Have you ever noticed that the more you love yourself the more others love you? It is not a myth but a fact. This is because you have so much love for yourself and you can share out the surplus. When you love people, they reciprocate and love you back. As a single parent you need this thing called love all the time. You need to have enough of it to love your kids and compensate for them what their other parent would be giving them. If there is anyone who needs to live dating life to the fullest then it has to be you.

I really need you single parent to break out of your cocoon and start having fun in dating. I understand it is easy to say i will never love again after being left as a single parent but hey, is your partner still single? There are many people out there who can give you unimaginable happiness. If love comes your way, love like you have never been hurt before. Believe in love and you will live dating life to the fullest. If you say you will never date in fear of break up and heartaches, then you will never have fun. people come our way for a reason and once it is accomplished they have to leave. If it was not for your partner you would not be having that little baby that keeps you smiling all the time.

Why I Think It Is Wise To Make A Confession in Relationships

2008-03-19T08:21:00.000-07:00

Human is to error, we do it all the time. It is so natural. The problem comes in when we dwell so much in our mistakes. This does not leave behind the area of relationships. If anything it is the most affected. Is confession in relationships important in our lives? Should you reveal your past to your lover? Should you reveal about a past affair? Is it better left unsaid? These and more are some of the questions which flood the floor of dating debates. Why should it be so easy to confess our love for each other, how generous we are and fail to talk about our little or big secrets? It leaves everything to chance.

Revealing your past is important to your partner if you are hoping to go far. He/she would rather hear it from you rather than hear it from a third party. The revelation that you are hiding something from your lover paralyzes all the feelings and break any existing bond. The consequences are so severe that i would rather you tell him early enough. A great hindrance to confession in relationships is that many people put a front when they start dating. They walk in other people's shoes and hide their true identity. Before they even know it the relationship is established and it is then that it becomes so hard to confess their real self to their lovers in fear of being rejected.

For instance many women do not go around telling every interested lover that they have a kid. In their assumptions, such a revelation would spoil the fun of the moment. This is most common with campus girls. They fear to be stereo typed by these gentlemen because they are mothers. This is a big mistake. What will happen to your solid relationship when you are out of campus? Should you terminate your relationship to save your face? How will your lover feel once the truth is out in the open? You would have owned up to your baby from the word go. Such a confession in relationships should be done prior to any plans of your life together.

If you are a married man you will agree with me that it is very hard to move on with your marriage relationship after an affair. It actually requires a lot of grace from God. You have strayed enough and now you are back home with the revelation that your partner is the best lover you could ever get. It becomes harder especially if you were rude and harsh to her just because you were outsourcing some love. Will you move on like nothing happened? Such confession in relationships help married couples to collect the pieces and move on. It would be good if you apologize and explain the facts which pushed you away. This will prevent another similar instance. Explain why you are back to stay and forge a way forward. If you do not confess your sins, the guilt won't let you relate well with your partner. The declaration that your significant other has forgiven you makes it easy to move on and restrict you to a morally straightened relationship.

How to Benefit From Your Workplace-Business Relationships

2008-03-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

You are always an integral part of an association, whether you are aware of it or not. The largely overlooked associations are the employer-employee partnership and professional partnership. Your ability to thrive, in your professional endeavors, at all times depends on how healthy your association is. Your growth also means more benefits for your partner, whether an employer or a colleague with whom you exchange ideas, services or products.

In ecological studies, one is exposed to a variety of associations, including parasitic-where an organism, like blood suckers, feeds and survives at the expense of a host. The host may die thus leading to the death of the parasite. That's a detrimental association.

In a symbiotic relationship, both organisms survive and live together. A symbiotic relationship is the association where two different species live together, each benefiting, in one way or another, from its associate. Take a rhino and a certain species of birds-they live symbiotically. Each depends on the other for survival. The rhino has ticks that the bird needs for food. The bird helps the rhino in two ways. It remove ticks from the rhino's body and when it (the bird) sees an animal that might attack the rhino, it jumps up and down making the rhino know it is time to run for cover. They need each other.

If you build and treat your employer-employee partnership or professional association from a symbiotic relationship perspective, you increase your odds of always having a job, professional growth or business opportunities. The resources that you need to thrive under different circumstances will be within your reach in most cases.

Here are top on how to benefit from a symbiotic relationship.

1. Be governed by one motive-that, "What you do for yourself can get you by. What you do for others is what will get you ahead; whether in your profession, spiritual pursuits or relationships."

2. Know what the other party wants from the association. What skills do your think your employer needs to be profitable? What services, ideas or products does the other party want by associating with you?

3. You must be clear on what you want from the association before you waste your time, energy or even tangible resources.

4. Commit to give your best for the survival and thriving of the other party. Think about it, it's hard to be the first one to be downsized by a company that you have helped become profitable. It's hard for another party not to give you businesses if you have helped them succeed.

5. Always check with the other party to see whether or not it is still satisfied with your input, or your quality of services or products.

6. Be courageous enough to share ideas on how things can be improved, whether you are rewarded for your ideas or not.

7. Keep improving what you offer to the association, even when the improvement is not expected.

8. When things change, notify the other party before they learn about it from another source.

A leaders motivational keynote speaker and trainer, Dr. Vincent Muli Kituku, CSP works with organizations and individuals who want to increase their productivity, stay focused and have a sustained desire to make success a lifestyle and a choice. Vincent's inspirational speeches are catalysts for unlimited results that have led to Dr. Kituku being described as a research-based motivational speaker/trainer. His storytelling skills have won awards for both spoken and written words are attributed to improved morale, accountability, motivation and ownership by all employees. Dr. Kituku is one of the less than 7% speakers to earn the coveted Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) recognition, the highest designation presented by the National Speakers Association.

Wherever he speaks, people from all backgrounds agree that words cannot describe Vincent but that he must be experienced. His ability to captivate audiences with content, interaction and entertainment has made him not only a sought after speaker but an annual presenter for key organizations. No one is ever the same after listening and applying Dr. kituku's strategies and wisdom into their work and life endeavors.

How Necessary Is Digging Into Your Partner's Past

2008-03-16T10:43:00.000-07:00

You have gone too far to think of calling it quits. What do you think? Is it necessary to dig into your partner's past? Every one has a past and a future. If you want to succeed in family life, I beg you to let the sleeping dogs lie. What you don't know can't hurt you so give up the curiosity and replace it with focus. May be it is something which triggered your search and you feel your soul won't rest until you find out the truth about your partner's past. Do the searching for your peace of mind to be able to move on with your relationship. It depends with the case at hand for that matter.

What do you do when for instance you find some document revealing that your spouse was once in jail? This is a partner's past you cannot assume. Do you panic and move with lightening speed? No, of course you will have an urge to dig into his past and find out exactly what happened. The fact that you did not get it from your spouse will force you to solicit for the information from other sources. This kind of digging is important for you as a partner. You might be sitting on a time bomb. The results dictates the next course of action as you may be in a relationship with a drugs dealer. May be even the love for you is fiction. In such cases run fast and never turn back. It is a heart breaking exercise but a good prevention to future surprises.

I say it depends with the case because their are some cases which are not worth investigating. If you happen to gather the information that your wife aborted twice before you got married, throw it to the wind. It is a partner's past that might do you more harm than good. I know it might be annoying, disgusting and inhuman but you should feel flattered that she decided to mother your kids. She is the mother of your kids, your friend, financial partner and so much more. Things change and you should appreciate what you currently see in your wife. Before you judge you should take some time to evaluate your own life. You might be having some dark past too but it has never seen the light of the day. It is all human. Think positively and dismiss discouraging thoughts.

Digging into your partner's past should not be an agenda in your relationship. It feels bad to have a spouse who is always sniffing around and about your life. If it does not happen by accident you are ruining your relationship. It is good to trust what you hear from your spouse and take it as gospel truth. Do not waste energy investigating what you have no clue about. Their are some annoying partners who will squeeze out all your childhood details from your relatives and then use them against them. One would be forgiven for smashing such a partner's head. This is obsession which kills the relationship as time passes and they gather more unnecessary details.

How To Enhance Your Long Distance Relationship Step By Step

2008-03-16T10:24:00.000-07:00

Do long distance relationships work or is it just a waste of time? There are people who find love far and wide. They are not restricted in any way by geographical boundaries. They are exploring looking for love through the chat rooms and dating sites on the Internet. The modern technology has made long distance relationship a success and even better than a normal relationship. The sophistication of such a relationship is one to be admired. Many are of the idea that their love can get greater than geography; that their true mates are far away in a different country, state or even continent. How do you make a long distance relationship work?

You might be physically apart but your hearts are so much together. To make your long distance relationship work, agree on how often you will keep in touch. You will agree with me that communication is the number one ingredient to a relationship that works. You can be together but you have to be forced to talk. It doesn't matter where you are geographically as long as you communicate. For instance you can agree to be calling each other at night either two or three times. You can as well send several e-mails a day. Nowadays people are mostly using e-mail and phones to kill distance but it would be a special treat to drop a hand written letter at your lovers home. It gives them butterflies and a feeling that you are closer.

When you are discussing the contacts issue, discuss about your physical visits. Who should visit who first and how often. This will clear the course your long distance relationship will be taking. What do you talk about in your conversations? Do you continuously whine about how much you love and miss each other? Considerable content of this is fine but do not dwell on it day in day out. Let your long distance relationship partner feel part of your life by telling him/her your every day experiences. Tell them about your nagging neighbor, your experience with the bad smelling guy you sat next to in the bus and may be an unexpected car puncture.

You should not wait until the time you will physically come together. You should practice phone sex to keep each other faithful and trusted. Spice up your feelings and enjoy your time apart by having sex the fantasizing way. The brain is the greatest sex organ and you have it with you. Make it happen by the descriptions of your love making through the small gadget. Send to each other dirty stories or lyrics via e-mail or put it in phone lines. Provided you do not print them you are still safe. Finally, to enhance long distance relationship, you should stay active in your social life. Meet your other friends and have fun. The last thing you want is to be home so alone and bored. This will make you resent your partner for being so far away from you.

Attention New Moms - Overcoming a Negative Body Image in Bed

2008-02-27T08:57:00.000-08:00

Carson Kressley has hit a nerve. Maybe that's why his Lifetime television program, How to Look Good Naked, is one of the most popular reality shows on television. Most women are terribly insecure with their bodies in bathing suits, let alone naked.

While I watched his interview on Oprah, I couldn't help but think of new moms. Staring at one's baby pooch can be flat out depressing, squelching any kind of desire to get naked with one's husband. Yet it's still important to re-engage sexually with your husband. And a big part of that is about overcoming a negative body image in bed.

In their excellent book, Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex, authors Linda Dillow & Lorraine Pintus have a chapter titled, "Where Can I Go to Buy a New Body?" Can you relate? They asked 25 friends of their friends if they were satisfied with their bodies. Every single one of them said no. They claimed to be too tall or too short, too fat or too skinny.

Today's woman has bought into the lie that she has to look like a Victoria Secret model to be sexy. But being a great lover in bed has more to do with your attitude than your measurements.

So what can a new mother do to overcome her disdain for her body, and celebrate lovemaking with her husband, even if the lights are on?

1. Remember that your husband loves you and your body. Dr. John Gray, author of Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, says "When a man is in love and turned on by his wife, he is also totally entranced by the feminine beauty of her body, regardless of where the media would rank it on a scale of one to ten."

2. Change your attitude from "me centered" to "he centered." Put your husband first. Don't fixate on your insecurities. Instead think of how you can please him. When you take the spotlight off yourself and put it on your spouse, you forget about your imperfections.

3. Avoid the dangers of pornography. 40 million adults in the US regularly visit Internet porn sites. Pornography is a major problem in families today, dividing husbands and wives sexually and emotionally. Moms, don't allow your insecurity about your body to stand in the way of meeting your husband's sexual needs.

When you offer your body to your spouse out of love, it doesn't matter what shape or size you are. Be encouraged - it is possible to be sexy in bed after baby. And don't worry about the extra love handles. They will come off in time with some work on your part. For now, concentrate on your attitude. Don't be afraid to keep the lights on and get naked with your husband.

5 Ways to Attract the Relationships You Want

2008-02-27T08:43:00.000-08:00

There has been a time in my life when relationships were a source of great discontentment in my life. I worked around negative people. I didn't have a lot of the kinds of friends I wanted. I was in a marriage that was lonely and filled with conflict. Although today all my relationships are not perfect, I feel blessed with the quality of people in my life. Much has changed and I've learned a lot about how to attract the relationships I want in life.

When you think about relationships, our lives are filled with so many. You may have a spouse whom you share your life with. You probably have children who you interact with on a regular basis. No doubt you have a few friends or maybe many friends. You might be a daughter to a mom and dad, a niece to an aunt or uncle, or a sister to one or more siblings. It's possible that you work or volunteer with people everyday. Are your relationships everything you want them to be? Do they nurture you and fill you up or do they drain your energy, leaving you feeling depleted? If you're like most people, you probably have relationships that do a little of both.

Relationships are essential to our survival and well being. God did not create us to go through life alone. Our relationships teach us more about who we are and who we are not. They highlight what we want in life and what we don't want. Relationships challenge us to grow in ways we might not grow on our own. When you think about your own relationships, I want to encourage you to look at ways you might attract more of what you want from your relationships.

Know What You Want

Do you know exactly what you want in a relationship? Is it the same for every kind of relationship you have? Make a list of the criteria you have for a positive or healthy relationship. Your list might look something like this:

* The parties must treat each other with respect
* There needs to be an acceptance and appreciation of each other's differences
* Each person should know how to resolve issues without fighting or arguing
* The relationships should provide an emotional connection
* We should work together in a way that is fair for all parties involved
* We should support and encourage one another
* There needs to be openness and honesty with thoughts and feelings
* We need to be able to laugh and have fun together

Now you can look at each of your relationships and decide if it meets your requirements. If not, you have a starting point for creating what you want. All of us, at any time, have five choices regarding our relationships. We can accept the relationship the way it is and be happy. We can remain a victim to the relationship. We can change the relationship. We can change our perspective of the relationship. We can leave the relationship.

Change Your Beliefs about What You Deserve

If you want the best relationships have to offer, you have to believe you deserve the best. Otherwise, you will settle for less than the best. At your core, what do you believe about relationships and people? Some limiting beliefs might be:

* All marriage partners fight.
* Most people in corporate America are negative.
* You have to be careful about who you trust.
* Most people are in a relationship for themselves.
* There are no good guys or good gals left - they're all married.

Whatever you believe, you will attract. So start believing what you want is truly possible.

Be Who Your Ideal Is

In my workshops, I tell women that if they want to attract inspiring friends, they must be an inspiring friend. We are energetic human beings, and like energy attracts like energy. The other day a woman shared a story about lunchtime at her place of business. All the co-workers would sit around in the lunchroom eating their lunches. One person would start to complain about the company or her job, and then the next person would chime in. Before you know it, a gripe session had begun. This woman told me that she found herself not being who she wanted to be, and instead joining the negativity with the rest of the crowd. Go back to your criteria for a positive and healthy relationship, and be all of those characteristics in your relationships. You will be a leader and force of change in your own life.

Stop the Ugly Dance

In the most intimate relationships, we often engage in the ugly dance. Our partner, or someone we're very close to, will say something that triggers us. From our subconscious mind, we react, and the dance begins. This happened to me the other day when I was talking to my mom. She said to me, "This year I am not going to go all out for Christmas because my kids don't appreciate it." There was the bait. In the past, this fish (me) would have taken a bite of that bait, but not this time. I stopped what could have been an ugly dance. I refrained from defending myself and telling her that she was wrong. I let my mom have her feelings while I just listened and politely changed the subject. Every person that comes into a relationship, including ourselves, has some emotional baggage we carry with us. Drop the luggage and stop the ugly dance.

Create a Sacred Space

Michael Port, renowned business coach and author of "Book Yourself Solid", talks about having a red velvet rope policy in your business. I like to use that policy in my life. Imagine you are entering a high quality event like an opera or The Grammy Awards ceremony. You walk up to the attendant and hand him your high priced ticket and he opens the red velvet rope to let you through. Pretend your life is that high quality event and you get to decide who enters that sacred space. One of my friends is a very inspiring person. A lot of people want to enter her sacred space, but only a few get past the red velvet rope. Is it because she is mean? No, it is because she understands the importance of protecting her energy and keeping her life positive. Who gets to enter your sacred space?

Positive and high energy relationships will add more to your life than you can imagine. So start today and attract exactly what you want from your relationships. Your life will be forever blessed with peace, happiness and fulfillment.

Rev Up The Romance In Your Relationship

2008-02-27T08:39:00.000-08:00

Life is too short not to be romantic. Being romantic will add happiness to your days and years to your life. Romantic people are young at heart and they enjoy a fully mature relationship. Romantic's have greater confidence, demonstrate greater courage, and they make this a better world to live in.

Here is some romance building advice to make your relationship all it can be:

1. Becoming romantic is similar to physically working out. Everybody knows they need to exercise and a lot of people resist it. Everybody knows working out is good for them but many don't like the hassle of it. Regardless of how you feel about working out it is a habit that comes with benefits. These benefits are better health and happiness. The same benefits are yours when you develop your romantic strength. I know tough guys in the gym who are lightweights in the love department. Be strong in both physical and romantic strength.

2. Don't label yourself or your partner as someone who "just isn't romantic." You may respond with, "well, it's the truth." Perhaps it has been but if you ever want to change this you will have to use the old reverse psychology approach. Label yourself and/or your partner as being "romantic". Positive reinforcement has a much better chance than a more discouraging label.

3. Romance is not a chore. Romance is an opportunity. It is one of the best gifts life has to offer. Don't miss out on these blessings. Don't let your friends pollute your mind with any thoughts to the contrary.

4. Strive to be romantic 365 days a year. Who says romance is limited only to Valentine's Day? I and everybody else will feel sorry for your partner if this is the standard you live by. Can you imagine how a change in your daily perspective could make your life so much better? Romantic people have partners who adore them. Romantic people are happier throughout the week, not just on the weekends.

5. Be more playful with your partner. Many men and women give their best self to their career. They come home from working with nothing but the leftovers of themselves. The weekend is spent regrouping for the following week. Sounds like a rat race to me. Get off this treadmill and allow you and the person you love to have some fun. Let your playful, goofy side come out and I promise you will actually be more productive in all areas of your life.

6. Learn from your past mistakes. If something isn't working in your relationship, spend time evaluating why this is so. Don't condemn yourself but learn from your errors. What did you do last Valentine's Day? Was it a success or a flop? What could you have done better? How could you have made your partner feel more special? How about your partner's birthday? Your anniversary? Get the picture? Always strive to improve your efforts. Like mentioned in #1 above, exercise your romantic muscles. Push yourself so that you can do more and more.

7. Utilize your own special talents. You don't have to reinvent the wheel. You have abilities that bring you success. What are they? Are you good at writing, organizing, creating, cooking or building? Simply consider how to apply these talents in the romance department. Since you have these strengths you might as well make the most of them.

8. Don't use gifts and flowers as a way to apologize. Presents should express thoughtfulness, not regret. If you give flowers or presents after you have had an argument or hurt your partner's feelings, you are usually wasting your money. Apologies should be sincere words and the demonstration of repentant actions.

This is your life. Enjoy it. Be creative and have fun. Believe in love and feel the magic that can be yours. Fall in love every day through the power of romance!

Last Minute Valentine's Idea to Make Your Valentine Happy

2008-02-27T08:32:00.000-08:00

What will make your valentine happy and satisfied on Valentine's Day?

Tip for men: If it's a woman you are trying to please - whether your wife or girlfriend - above all, give her attention. She will enjoy the gifts and the card and

flowers if you give them. But mostly she will want you to focus on her, to tell her you love her, to spend time with her without distractions.

Make Valentine's Day a smashing success by making sure that wherever you are and whatever you do, you give your beloved lady time, attention and focus. Here are

some ideas:

* Call her from work and tell her you are thinking about her.

* Linger a little with her when you first see her. Hold her a bit tighter and give her a bit of a longer kiss.

* If you are going out to dinner or a show, having an intimate dinner at home, or even dinner with the kids, pay less attention to what's going on around you

and more attention to her.

• Make sure to end the night with some more extra attention, of whatever kind you choose J

Tip for women: If it's a man you are trying to please - whether your husband or boyfriend - above all give him approval. He will also enjoy the gifts and the card.

But mostly he will be looking for how much you appreciate what he has done for you and how much you appreciate his love for you.

Make Valentine's Day a loving day by making sure that wherever you are and whatever you do, you give your beloved man your approval. Here are some ideas:

* Call him at work or tuck a note into his lunch/briefcase/jacket to tell him how much you appreciate him.

* Before you see him, make a list of qualities you appreciate about him and things he does and ways he treats you that you appreciate.

* When you see him, linger a little with him. Thank him for something on the list above.

* No matter what he does for you or gives you or arranges for Valentine's Day, be sure to see the love and thought and the desire to please you that went into

the gift/event/plan.

* Make sure to give him extra touch and appreciation into the night.

Did these tips work for you? Did they improve your Valentine's Day experience? I would love to hear from you.

Single on Valentine's Day - Banish the Blues This Way

2008-02-27T08:29:00.000-08:00

Love is in the air. Romance abounds. Love is everywhere. Love, Love yuck! Enough already! What if you are single? Suppose you are not one of those wrapped up in your dream relationship? Should you just stay home and drink or drown your sorrows in a box of decadent chocolate? Don't you dare hang your head! Oh no! Lift up your head and let's get started banishing those Valentine's Day Blues!

First of all, love is for everyone. It is not some treasure that is exclusive for couples to enjoy. You may be tired of seeing red hearts and commercials of lovers embracing. If you are a single woman, you may just have a belly full of seeing devastatingly handsome men buying beautiful ladies diamonds that would cost a mint to purchase.

For you men, are you tired of seeing some average guy stepping out with a pretty woman for a night to celebrate their romance and you are scratching your head wondering how did he ever get her to look at him? Some many singles face the media and everyone else bombarding them with the message, that cupid visits many but forgot your address. No, cupid did not forget you.

Are you thinking cupid is asleep or that he is never going to point his bow in your direction? Well, lets set the record straight for cupid and everyone else. The fact is, Valentines Day can be really hard on singles, but it doesn't have to be. There are some singles who desire to be in a great relationship and it just hasn't happened. At least not yet. Instead of falling into a negative mood over Valentine's Day, here is what you can do instead:

* Learn to celebrate YOU. Come to know and appreciate your own value as a person. Your martial status does not dictate your value or your status. If you don't respect, love and embrace who you are, no one else will.

* Don't allow the media, your family or your friends to ever put you in box and label you in any way. You are already complete and a whole person, learn to be happy with you.

* Stop watching the commercials, the radio spots and the newspaper ads that drive home the point of view that love = couples. It is simply not true. The whole world does not evolve around couples. Just turn it off if you cannot tune it out. The commercials are designed to make money for the advertisers. You cannot let media dictate to you.

* Get busy doing things you enjoy with people you enjoy being with. Learn to live your life to the fullest everyday. Get out and mingle with others.

* Try to do something different. If you are like most of us, you have a list of things a mile long you would like to do. Get started on that list. If not now, when?

* Share love on Valentine's Day with those you love. You don't have to be part of a twosome to spread the love.

Being single has many advantages. Yes, you heard me right. There are many freedoms and things you can do because you do not have to share your decisions with another person. You are free to choose how you spend your money, your time and you get to choose the direction you want your life to go in. Learn to be content where you are, work on improving yourself now (it is much easier to do that work now instead of in a relationship), and give cupid a chance to get his job done. So lift your head and cheer up. Don't you know, the single life can really ROCK!! Get busy banishing those Valentine's Day Blues.

Relationships and Business Schools

2008-02-24T09:30:00.000-08:00

Business schools are not usually a great place to find a new life mate, because business schools generally have students that start off at an older age than schools of other professions. It is said that the average age of a student in business school is 27, while most other professional schools students are in their early twenties, with twenty one being the average age of most first year students.

Statistically one third of students of business schools also are either already married or in a serious committed relationships. This means that going to business school can quite commonly be a total life style change, especially going from two jobs and two pay checks to having to live off of one pay check. When you put children into the mix, this can be a huge strain on the family budget.

One way that students get more money is to apply for bursaries, scholarships and student loans, but even these are not assured, plus there is the yearly emotional rollercoaster of uncertainty of whether the student will be eligible for this "found money"

Studies report that the first year of the degree is the hardest on relationships, not only because the money is halved, but because of the 24/7 nature of the full time MBA program. There is also the problem of the going back to college mentality, with the inevitable after class pub crawls and getting home at 2 am. This certainly puts stress on relationships. Unfortunately, it is common for adults to quickly regress to their attitudes of the early 20's attitudes, and slip into the "meeting the boys after for a late night basketball game and a beer" mentality. Of course, the partner who is staying at home with the children and bringing in the pay check is often not very happy with this turn of events. This is a big factor in the expression as an MBA being the "Divorce Degree".

Often the partners, especially women, come into the first year as the supporting partner with the attitude that this life style change of their partner going back to school full time will be good in the future, so they will put up with the things that often accompany a spouse going back to school. These include from moving to a new city and losing their contacts with friends and family to less money and less time together...all the stuff that goes along with going back to school.

But often, this leads to feelings of anger and depression as they see their life being put on hold and their partner's life going full tilt ahead. This can easily lead to jealousy of the new, more exciting school life. If you think about it, it is easy to think that the partner staying at home with the children and going to work full time feels unexciting compared to the husbands peers that are learning, traveling, taking interesting exciting courses on the side. Often they will begin to worry that partner's new peers are looking a lot more attractive, and worldly compared to the person staying at home and changing diapers.

Although it may seem that the working partner is the only one feeling this way, they have to realise that they are not alone in this problem, and there are ways to diffuse and alleviate the frustrations that occur with this change of life style. Communication is the number one thing on the list of "to do" changes. Previously, partners were used to seeing each other very day, and had common interest, but school can change all of that.

Often couples set aside one night a week for a date, where they can re-bond and talk about their week. This ensures that both partners know what the other is doing, and both will feel less isolated. They can also set a time aside to do a special activity that they both enjoy together, such as a sport, or hobby. Another common activity could be for the partner to become more involved in business school activities, as most schools have many activities that are suitable for both people in a working relationship.

Another important thing to do is to make sure that the partner staying at home sets independent goals from the partner attending school full time. Whether that is taking a night class, going back to school themselves, or learning a new interest, this will help boost self worth and can dispel feelings of jealousy and inadequacy.

In the end, going back to business school to earn a MBA can be stressful on a relationship, but if you can continue to communicate and enjoy the time that you do have together, it does not have to be the end of a relationship, but rather the beginning of a new, exciting life together.

Jealousy Isn't a Good Feeling

2008-02-24T09:25:00.000-08:00

Jealousy is something that we are all aware of. A time comes in our life when we tend to be jealous of someone. This is a state of mind in which we have bad thoughts, feelings or behaviour. Jealousy is seen in a person's life irrespective of his or her age, a baby that is not more than 5 months old or even an elderly person that is over the age of 65. Jealousy can be stated as an opposing attitude where a person tends to get jealous about his or her affairs with someone or this could be a case in the office where your colleague might have got the promotion where you thought you were the deserving one. This is nothing but your mind that has forced you in this opposing thought of yours.

Jealousy can be a normal feeling for any one who feels that may be he/she is the deserving candidate and was supposed to be chosen before another, this weird thought might last for not more than a day's time. But if at all this thought starts interrupting your life and you tend to feel jealous about others every now and then there is a problem that needs to be dealt with. Jealousy is bad state of mind where a person can go to the extent of murdering someone or maybe even himself.

Jealousy can also be seen in the person who tends to feel that his/her spouse has an affair, even though he/she might not be involved in such an act. This is your subconscious mind that makes you think this way and such behaviour reflects your insecurity in life. A jealous mind is a frustrating, embarrassing and painful experience and if you're dealing with it, it's a very hurtful and terrible experience.

Overcoming jealousy can be a very difficult situation. Hypnosis is recommended by many psychiatrists to help you in the process of prevailing over your mind that is stressed and anxious. Hypnosis dealing with your mind helps it to relax and makes it strong enough to deal with such ill feelings. A mind that is distracted by jealousy and stress is moulded back to perfection and helps you overcome the situation. Instead of thinking jealously you will start working towards your goals.

Hypnosis treatment that can help you is easily available for you as you can get an mp3 download from the Internet. These mp3 downloads are easily available and have many advantages. They consist of a self-hypnotizing system where you are guided to hypnotize yourself and get results out of it Mp3 downloads will come to you as a boon and your mind will be least bothered about the concerns of others where you will work towards your own goals instead of being jealous about others. Hypnosis for jealousy helps you come in terms with reality rather than the hyper picture you had started believing in. you learn to see things as they are and not as a figment of your imagination. Hypnosis treatment enables you to strengthen the mind against such shortcomings and make it a better place where you learn to distinguish reality and appreciate the good things.

Why Women Stay In Abusive Dating Relationships

2008-02-24T09:21:00.000-08:00

Life is short just live it to the fullest. Even when you are dating a person, you are in that relationship because you love that person and it makes you happy to be in love. But when your point of affection, your source of happiness turns into a tormentor, you have every reason to be very worried. When did things start changing for the worse? What really went wrong? And why for heavens sake should you stick to an abusive relationship? Why would you allow a person to trash and trample upon your very basic rights? An abusive dating relationship is unhealthy. It is a relationship sitting on a powder keg. It can go off any time. It is a time bomb waiting to explode unless very urgent measures are taken to arrest the situation before it goes out of hand.

An abusive dating relationship shows there are disparities between the couple which can either be bridged or the divide is too wide to fill. Understanding the root cause of the problem is important in order to comprehend this weighty issue. A dating relationship is a two way traffic. Partners compliment each other. One partner's needs are met and fulfilled in the other. It is so mutual and symbiotic you feel bereaved when your mate is not there. What i am trying to say here is that compatibility is the key word. It is what glues two people together. An abusive dating relationship is an indicator of incompatibility. What would drive you to abuse a person you "love". If your partner is abusing you, try and see where you went wrong. Also evaluate your partner, how he relates with you, his background. Maybe he was brought up in an abusive relationship or he was abused in his childhood.

Sometimes a woman stays in an abusive dating relationship for the sake of their children. What would happen if she calls it quit? She becomes hesitant fearing the repercussions her children will face in case of a separation. But what would bridge this gap? Can this couple be reconciled and be able to live again harmoniously and in love? It depends with the two parties concerned. Their is no issue however contentious that cannot be discussed and solved. However if the feelings of attraction, love and affection are no longer there, then the relationship is irreparable. You cannot change the way a person feels towards something. Quit and look for a new beginning.

Your partner could be trying to pass a message to you. He could be showing you a red light. That it is high time you went separate ways, only that you don't seem to pick the signal. He doesn't want to tell you in black and white that go and never turn back. The spark that kept the fire burning is no longer there hence there is no reason to stick together. When in an abusive dating relationship, it is wise to always have an exit avenue. Be prepared psychologically that you can quit and go your separate way. If your partner is abusing you he also does not respect you. You mean nothing to him. Do not stick there, move on. It's your life. You might never know what you have been missing until you quit that relationship.

Guys Need Women That Are Street Fighters

2008-02-24T09:18:00.000-08:00

Many single men are now searching to find a woman companion that can street fight. This has happened since watching the kick boxing tournaments that were recently held at Las Vegas. There women fighters displayed their talents magnificently. A man that can't street fight for what ever reason dreams of having one of those ladies for a girlfriend or even a wife. Because the best way a helpless man can protect himself is by having a female street fighter as a girlfriend. She will be on his side if attacked by a crazy man or street bully. Having protection against violence has become even more important to a helpless guy then sexual pleasure. He dreams of the day when he will be physically secure.

If you are a woman that would like to make yourself more valuable to a guy that is a poor street fighter, join a karate training school. But remember that you can never duplicate a man in certain areas of strength. A closed fist blow to a mans chest is useless if used by a woman. There are better ways for a woman to use her power. Learn to escape from the ground when being mounted, pinned down or held down. Discard techniques that require some degree of strength to work. Bolster your skills with pressure point strikes. They will cause the assailant to lose control of his limbs and mobility. Poke the eyes, stomp the feet, and use the old reliable kick in the balls, it is usually a winner.

Once a women is trained as a competent street fighter she will become extremely precious to an elderly or physically weak husband. He will not leave the house without her. If single she will have no problem finding a guy. Most men have no street fighting skills and need a lady to protect them. When dating a guy the women that is an expert at street fighting should make her date aware of it. If his intentions are to assault her he will quickly change his mind. If he lives in fear of being a victim of violence himself she will have found a guy that will always cling to her.

When filling out a profile at a dating service you should put it at the top of the list that you are a competent street fighter. You will be swamped with offers of marriage by men that need protection against violence. If you are a lonely woman that has little to offer most men, this is your chance to get a great guy. Learn how to street fight and tell your dates that you are the best. I am sure you will never be lonely again.

What Women Really Want, Believe, Think, Fear And Desire Most In A Partner - Are You Aware Of These?

2008-02-24T09:01:00.000-08:00

Isn't this the question almost every man out there seems to have? Almost every man wants to know what women really want in a man when it comes to all the aspects of life. You see women always say they want their man to be such and such but never reveal the real factors they are truly looking for. Now you are about to discover some of the most little known facts women never share with men. Read on to discover what these factors and use them to achieve earth shattering results with women right now...

They want a combo- If you think they only want a few things in their man than you are strongly mistaken. Do you know why some men always say women demand a lot? Because they just simply do it's in their nature. You see women want a total combo of all the social, emotional and physical elements in their man.

They believe that you should be confident- Confidence is the key in every area of life and it can do wonders for you if you know how to use it right in the dating world therefore learn to develop a strong self confidence.

You must be smarter than them- Women want you to be smart and they would only be impressed if you out smart them therefore learn to develop your intellectual skills.

They fear your past- Now this is something you should always be honest about. You should never hide any relationships or flings you have had in the past as women have tools to figure it out themselves therefore it's better to tell them than to get caught.

They want you to desire them- Women want a man who can love them and desire them all their life irrespective of their physical appearance and the changing times.

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but men absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover some of the most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know- 9 Most Shocking Secrets Women don't want men to know

Valentine Ideas For Your Ex

2008-02-12T08:41:00.000-08:00

One of the more awkward holidays for couples who have recently broken up is Valentine's Day. In many cases there is still a level of attraction felt between the two sides, but not everyone is ready to commit to finding a solution. This can make February 14th an important date to start a new direction in the relationship.

By choosing thoughtful gifts that can transform your thoughts into feelings, you can use this holiday to patch things up with your partner. Here are some Valentines Day gifts to spark some romance with your ex.

Tickets

If you are still talking with your ex, then one of the best gift ideas for getting your romance back into gear is get tickets to a concert or sporting event you know they'll love. Not only is this a great way to remind them just how well you know them, but it is also a great excuse to go on a date together. Just make sure you are confident that you will go to the show together. You don't want to blow hundreds of dollars on seats only to see them take someone else.

Music and Movies

If your ex is still not talking to you, then you will have to be creative with your approach to Valentine's Day. The key is to find a gift that will be curious enough to open, and at the same time, make them think about you in some way. One of the best ways to do this is to give music CD's or movie DVD's that will remind them of you. Think of your relationship when it was at its best. What were you listening to and what movies were you watching? This is a good way to brainstorm title that will get an emotional response from your ex.

Something Small

Most people will say that it is not the size of the gift as long as it comes from the heart. This philosophy is particularly true when trying to mend a relationship. Expensive gifts are more likely to make your ex feel embarrassed and confused; where as a small thoughtful surprise can make them think back to happier times. With this in mind, try shopping for something that is not only inexpensive, but it should also come in a small package. There is something about small boxes that really builds the anticipation of a present, which will take away from any awkwardness in the moment.

The key to any Valentine's Day gift for your ex is for you to think about the message you are sending. Not matter how much you want to patch up your relationship; you do not want to go overboard with extravagant gifts. The better plan is be creative and come up with a gift idea that shows just how well you know your ex. You want them to realize that you two are good together and that you will be waiting for them when the time comes.

How to Find a Sugar Daddy

2008-02-12T08:16:00.000-08:00

So you've decided that you want to find a sugar daddy. Congratulations! A life of pampered luxury awaits. Now all you have to do is figure out where to go and what to do in order to find your sugar daddy. Generally speaking, there are two methods to use for finding a sugar daddy to take care of your needs and desires.

The first way is commonly called "free-styling." Free-styling involves going to places where potential sugar daddies congregate. This might be an upscale department store, charity events, golf courses, and the financial district. When you find a man who interests you, make eye contact. Give him a smile and, if you're out shopping, give him a compliment about something he's considering for purchase. This approach is not overly flirtatious and opens the door for real conversation. If he's interested, he'll talk to you. Otherwise, he'll just consider you a friendly gal.

The second method for finding your sugar daddy is to put yourself out there with an advertisement. Newspapers, magazines, and other print ads are still popular. Another alternative is the phone dating lines that are available in most cities. Phone ads for women are almost always free, and if you choose the right time of day to place your ad, you can be more explicit about what it is you're looking for. It is rumored that nighttime screeners are more lax than those who work the day shift. No discussion about finding a sugar daddy would be complete without mention of the internet as a resource. In addition to traditional print and voice advertising, the online dating world is evolving to include websites specifically targeted to sugar daddy/sugar baby relationships. Many websites have popped up in recent months, but only a few are of real use. Adding a photo to your profile is highly recommended. Many of the men won't consider your email worth their time if you don't.

Whatever approach you decide to take on the road to meeting your sugar daddy, you need to be consistent. You can't expect to make one free-styling trip and be successful right off the bat. The same is true for advertisements. Remember...sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a sugar daddy.

Let Go Of An Abusive Relationship

2008-02-10T12:18:00.000-08:00

So where are you at in your life? Are you a 'Battered Woman' ? If so, then there's something I'd like to share with you. Why? Because I've been a battered woman and because of where I'm at I feel like I have something to help you understand and to help you break away from a destructive relationship.

Whether you realize it or not, you attracted this person to you. Not because that was what you wanted for yourself and absolutely not because you deserve that, but if you know anything about quantum physics you should know that you attract what your vibrations send out. That is known as the Law of Attraction.

The Law of Attraction states that you attract what you focus your thoughts on. The chances are that somewhere in your life journey someone made you feel like you weren't worthy... that you didn't deserve good things that you needed strict discipline, or that you weren't good enough... taking you to a life of being a battered woman.

Well, you know better than that, don't you? You deserve a loving companion and all the wonderful things in life that you enjoy. You deserve to be happy and nothing should be able to stand in your way.The universe created you in the image of perfection... you are beautiful and many blessings are coming to you every day.

That's hard to believe when your world seems in a shambles, but when you open your eyes to what brought all the negativity in your life you'll find that it all started with negative thoughts and the negativity grew with them thoughts..Your thoughts created your reality, whether you intended them to or not.

It's hard to let go of limiting ideas and beliefs but you need to sort out the ones that serve you and the ones who don't and believe that doors are opening to you to something way better. There's a lesson in what you've been through, now it's time to move on to them better things.

You WILL find love again and it will be a sweet love. You WILL find happiness! It's not easy to walk away but you WILL look back on it and find that it was for the best. You will find yourself and find peace within yourself.. Find the positive things in life and focus on them and watch them attract more good things. Hold the most beautiful vision in your mind and watch it manifest.

Sue Craig is the creator of http://www.unlimitedpower4u.com an enlightening and encouraging site designed to assist people in continually moving towards their higher selves. She is a massage therapist, writer, internet marketer, and lifestyle advocate. Sue has made the principles of the Law of Attraction a way of life and shares what has worked for her to give her a life of total fulfillment and wants others to have the same peace in their lives

Top Tips On Making A Great First Impression Part 1

2008-01-30T05:31:00.000-08:00

We only get one chance to make a first impression. Have you ever wondered what the most important things you could do where? Glad you asked. Here are some top tips to help you make a great first impression. Whether you're dating in your teen years or your boomer years, or even in casual meetings at work, your first impression counts. So here's how to do it!

1. Make the other person the center of attention

You immediately make a great first impression when you can show that this isn't a "me meeting." In other words, you are show that you are listening to what the other party is saying without interrupting, with good eye contact, and with enthusiasm. This applies whether you are meeting a new acquaintance, applying for a job, or are on a date. The spotlight should not be on you.

2. Use the name of the person you have just met

When you are introduced to someone pay attention to their name. After that make sure that you use their name when you are talking to them. It makes your conversations a great more personal.

3. How you look does matter

Even though the standards of what we wear for various occasions has changed that's no excuse to look like a slob. Sure common sense might say that if you are going for a job interview you should dress "good" and make a first impression that's landing. Still you might be surprised at how many show up for an interview underdressed. It tells the potential employer that they aren't important.

Let's take it a step further. Whenever you leave the house, even if it is to go the supermarket you should look polished and put together. That doesn't mean you have to be dressed up. What it means is the clothing you put on shouldn't be held together with safety pins. It means you shouldn't be wondering around in pajama pants. It means your hair should be neat and tidy. You never know who you might run into and you only get to make one first impression.

4. Smile

A true smile reaches out from your soul. It can be seen in the eyes and through the entire face. It instantly makes a person feel more at ease and more relaxed. You send out a warm vibration and that makes a great first impression. Your smile costs you nothing and when you share it with others you make a great first impression.

5. Eye contact

When you make direct eye contact you convey power and authority and you also tell the other person that you are confident and trustworthy. We all make the joke about the shady guy whose eyes are darting all over the place. Well it's the same idea when you don't make eye contact. Even if you are shy or scared always make eye contact. The other party won't know how you are feeling unless you give yourself away.

You get one chance to make a first impression on your first date or in any situation you need to start the relationship off on the right note. We've give you some top tips to make sure you make the most of it. You'll be making great first impressions from here on in.

How To Make Small Talk Easy And Fun

2008-01-30T05:25:00.000-08:00

A lot of people are quite comfortable speaking, even with strangers, if they have a purpose for the conversation that they understand, but they can really struggle with knowing how to make small talk. All social and work situations begin with small talk, where you make the effort to engage with people. If you are going to make a connection with people around you hen you need to know how to make small talk.

The problem is that knowing how to make small talk can be very difficult for some people. They can even be nervous making everyday conversations with people and often the reason behind this nervousness is a lack of knowledge of what to talk about. But you can acquire this skill of making small talk. There are a few small talk topics that should never let you down, whatever situation you are in:

1. Look around you

Your surroundings should provide you with something to talk about. Whatever you're doing, you are in the same situation with the person to whom you are speaking, so there is common ground there. Even if you are only queuing up for the coffee machine you can make a remark about how long the line of people is, or about how you should drink less coffee or whatever. Aim for a casual but pleasant attitude. Opening the conversation signals to others that you are ready and willing to talk and they will be likely to reciprocate.

Hopefully, the other person will make a casual comment and you have got the conversation started. It gets easier from there. If you are just met with a smile, they may not be willing to talk; don't worry and don't take it personally. Either take some time to be quiet too, or you could smile and make eye contact with someone else; if they want to talk, they will pick up on that, having heard you just speak.

2. What do you want to know about other people?

A first meeting is no time to grill someone on their personal life; but think of a friend and the things you share in common like work, hobbies, families etc. Think about what you normally talk about too. All of these things are potential topics for small talk with someone else. Quite neutral topics are work, family and where someone lives so you could begin your small talk with asking about any of those things.

3. Ask about their day so far

People appreciate it if you ask about them in a friendly manner, so you could always try asking them how their day has been so far. Even in a store you might ask the cashier if they have been busy today. It's a good, simple ice-breaker and will often lead the other person to open up, even if it just a little. You will usually find that they smile because you have asked after their welfare too, and it is surprising how much easier you will find small talk once you have got a smile from the other person. It will give you and real psychological boost.

4. Talk about current affairs

The news is just that: news. People like to keep up with what is happening in the news, so a question like 'did you read in the newspapers how...?" or "did you see why (whoever) was on the news last night?" will usually open up a good conversation. Depending upon who you are talking to, you may not want to raise a particularly sad item or a gruesome crime, but if you have chatted with the person before, perhaps they are a colleague, you can chat about these things too as people tend to unite against such things and you will soon find yourself on the same side and involved in a conversation about society today.

So, keep these topics in mind and practice them on a few people in your daily life and you will soon discover that you really do know how to make small talk.

10 Great Questions For Conversation Fun

2008-01-30T05:24:00.001-08:00

Even with the right questions conversation may not flow quite as freely as you may hope. That's because you need to really listen actively to the answers that you get. A conversation is like a tennis match, with words flowing back and forth like the tennis ball.

Carefully listening to the answers you are given will give you another idea to pick up on which should lead you to another question and from there, you can progress the conversation, whatever your purposes is. If you listen carefully to the answers to your questions, conversation gets a lot easier and a lot more productive.

However, it is true that if you have some good, interesting questions conversations flow more easily than if you asked closed questions requiring a yes/no answer or boring questions that yield uninspiring answers or perhaps worst of all, if you asked embarrassing questions which make your listener clam up in silence, not wanting to answer you.

You can avoid all of those pitfalls with the following questions:

1. If you could live at any time in history, when would it be?

This will help you to see what qualities the person admires and what they would like to do with their lives, such as politics, theatre, movies etc.

2. If you were asked to do so, would you sing in public?

Again, you will find out something of the person's interests; you will also probably find out if they can sing or if they want to be able to, so perhaps you will uncover a shared passion for music. Also, you may well find out how shy or extrovert someone is, which will give you an idea of how to handle the rest of the conversation.

3. What are you passionate about? What really moves you?

This question has the advantage of having an element of surprise as people aren't usually expecting this sort of question, but it tends not to embarrass them or put them on the spot because they can answer lightly with something like 'watching my baseball team win a game' or a similar answer.

4. If you won the lottery, how would you spend the money?

With this question you will find out what motivates the person, what they like to spend their money on and also something of their attitudes towards their significant other; of course, you might also find out if they have partners and children you don't know about!

5. What is the craziest thing you've ever done?

People might lie about this, but they will feel free to have some fun about it; it doesn't even matter if they lie, since whatever answer they give is sure to lead on to further conversation, whether what they reply is really crazy or not.

6. If you were throwing a party for five people, who would you invite?

These might be a mixture of famous people and people important to them in their life. Whoever they say will lead on to further conversation about why these guests were chosen and how your choices match up.

7. If time and money was no object, to what causes would you dedicate your efforts?

This can tell you a lot about a person's passions.

8. What if your favorite comfort food meal?

This can lead to some great nostalgia and a trip down memory lane to uncover the associations as well as to swap recipes.

9. If you could pick one talent that you don't already have, what would it be?

You'll find out about a person's passions this way. And if you happen to possess the skill they wish to possess, why not offer to teach them?

10. If you could spend a whole day doing exactly as you wished with no demands and no responsibilities, what would you do?

People dream of those kinds of days and they will usually love to share these ideas. You'll really find what people enjoy doing with a question like this.

If you are communicating with a person online, you could also ask them to explain the reasons behind their screen name.

You will probably only need to use one or two of these questions in any situation. Remember that initiating conversation is the aim of these questions; conversation entails you properly listening to the answers that you are given and picking up on those answers to progress what you talk about.

Couples Communication Without Confrontation

2008-01-30T05:21:00.000-08:00

The surest way to have productive, non-confrontational communication with your partner is to do it in writing. This might sound strange or cumbersome at first, but as you read further you might come to see its value and potential.

The written word is the purest form of communication, because you are allowed to select your words as carefully as you wish without being rushed or influenced by the presence of the recipient. Then, when the recipient receives it, they are required to read and consider every word in order to get the meaning. This requires their full attention and patience. The result is a much purer transfer of thoughts with no opportunity to strike back immediately without thinking. This is the magic of this communication method.

Here is the process for this non-confrontational communication method. Start by writing down all your thoughts, concerns, and desires on paper. In others, do an "appraisal" of your partner and relationship. Your partner should do the same. It is important that you do this activity in separate rooms or locations. This step may take a several hours or days. The next step is to exchange them, BUT read them in separate rooms or locations as well. The reasons for separation will become clear to you in the end. This next part is crucial. You must agree NOT to get back together to discuss them until any anger has dissipated, and your minds have returned to a clear and relaxed state. This may take several hours, days, or even a week or more. In addition, you must agree not to consume any alcohol or drugs during any part of the process. Next we'll get into further detail on how to do your appraisal.

Appraising Your Partner & Relationship

In order for your appraisal to be complete, you need to start by making a list of all the possible areas that you want to consider. You might create this list with your partner, but do not have any discussions. Just create the list. Categories might include: attitude, social, money, appearance, disagreements, sex, responsibility, and dreams.

You might start the evaluation process by rating each category using words like excellent, good, or needs improvement. Follow this by adding comments to clarify your rating, offer ways to improve, or convey compliments. Also, be sure to include your personal needs, desires, and dreams in the appraisal or on a separate piece of paper.

Here are some thoughts to consider as you proceed with the appraisal. The purpose of this process is twofold: To give you the opportunity to evaluate the health your relationship and to provide your partner with feedback that they can use to improve themselves and your relationship. The goal is to perform an appraisal that is honest, compassionate, and free of any self-serving behavior.

Examining Each Others Appraisal

Here are some thoughts to consider before you go into your private session to examine the appraisal your partner completed on you.

First, get yourself into a mindset of looking at this activity as an extraordinary opportunity to gain self-awareness. This will require courage, the courage to face criticism directly, and evaluate it objectively without becoming defensive.

Keep in mind that what is written about you is your partner's true feelings. Therefore, they are not arguable. You may be able to challenge some of the facts, but you cannot challenge their feelings because they are their actual perceptions.

Your focus should be on gaining understanding of their evaluation of you, and how they came to those conclusions. This will require that you put yourself in their place. Becoming defensive is not productive for your own benefit or that of the relationship.

The information contained in the appraisal holds the key to unlocking the treasure chest of gifts that your partner is capable of giving to the one they love. Do not under estimate is value!

Meeting for Enlightenment & Resolution

The final step is to meet with your partner to discuss your appraisals. As mentioned before, it is imperative that you do not have this meeting until both partners are calm and clear-headed. Again, no alcohol or drugs are allowed.

The meeting that you will have with your partner is the most significant part of this entire process. In fact, it could produce some of most profound communications of your entire relationship. Or even, perhaps, any relationship you have ever had!

The attitude that you take into this meeting needs to be consistent with your expectations of what you want to get out of it. In other words, if you want your partner to be open to what you put in their appraisal, you need to be open as well. If you want them to show a willingness to change, you must be willing too. If you want them to have an interest in your dreams, you must present your interest in theirs. If you want them to be responsive to your needs, you must be ready to do the same.

As you discover solutions, create plans, and identify objectives write them down as goals. You might use the what, how much, and by when format. Don't miss out on this opportunity to make some real satisfying change in your self, your partner, and your relationship.

As a review, here are the three (3) steps.

1. Appraise Your Partner & Relationship (Privately)

2. Examine Each Other's Appraisal (Privately)

3. Meet for Enlightenment & Resolution (Together)

That's it. Go try it!

Brad Paul

"Find a way, or create your own path!"

If you would like to learn more about this technique and get a unique, easy-to-use communication tool that will guide you through the entire process, you will find it in my book entitled, "The Couple's Review™." For information & to buy click
http://www.propelpublications.com/tcr_overview.htm

To download a FREE sample of my book entitled, "The Couple's Review™" click
http://www.propelpublications.com/tcr_sample.htm

http://www.propelpublications.com/ (Propel Publications - Home Page)

The Difference Between Talking and Communicating

2008-01-30T05:20:00.000-08:00

Have you ever met someone who speaks fluent English but at the same time, doesn't really speak your language? They don't talk with you or to you, as much as they talk at you, over you and around you - in your general direction. They speak a language which is largely meaningless to you. Sure it's English, but overall, it doesn't really make sense. There's no connection, no real understanding and the outcome of these conversations is usually confusion, frustration, anger or boredom.

Over the years I have employed hundreds of people in my businesses. And while I always look for a range of preferred qualities, attributes and personality traits in a potential employee, the one non-negotiable skill that's always at the top of my shopping list is the ability to be able to communicate effectively. If someone ticks all the boxes - academic, appearance, experience, knowledge - but they don't tick the communication box, then they probably won't get a gig with me. The reality is that a person who isn't a great communicator won't make a good trainer (teacher, coach, mentor), unless of course, they can find a way to develop those skills.

That's the good news; these skills can be developed.

Without doubt, communication is the single most important life skill, yet amazingly, the majority of us don't consciously work at developing it. Better communication equals better relationships, and better relationships equals a better life. So why wouldn't we work at it?

Some of us bumble along making the same communication mistakes, often with the same people in the same situations for years. Whether it's at work, at home, in the classroom, at the supermarket, at church (temple, mosque), in life, in love, in conflict - our ability to communicate will invariably dictate the outcome of most conversations, situations, circumstances and experiences.

While we all speak English (readers of this site anyway), the reality is we all have our own unique language. The problem is that in typical conversation we mostly speak our language, and not necessarily the language of the person/s we're trying to communicate with. And it doesn't matter how much talking we do, if we're not speaking the same language we won't find common ground or mutual understanding, and we won't create desirable outcomes. When Johnnie (my tech-guy, business manager and resident smarty pants) talks to me about tech stuff, he has to totally modify his language so that Mr Technophobe Ignoramus (me) can understand what the heck he is trying to tell me. He often tells me something in 'Johnnie-Speak' and I just stare at him blankly.

The question I always ask myself whenever I'm about to get involved in a meeting, confrontation or general chat is, "How do I need to communicate with this (specific) person, to be understood, to understand them, and to maximise my chances of creating a good outcome?"

Just like we don't all respond optimally to the same diet, the same exercise plan or the same lifestyle philosophy, neither do we all connect with, understand, or respond well to, the same communication style.

Yet that's what most of us do. We use the same communication style in a range of settings, with a bunch of different people; different personalities, attitudes, backgrounds, beliefs and values. If I'm talking with a seventy year-old lady about an exercise plan for her and I communicate with her in the same way that I would with a twenty year-old professional athlete, she's gonna think I'm speaking some foreign language. I need to be able to communicate my thoughts and ideas speaking her language, just as you need to periodically speak the language of your boss, kid, spouse, parent or neighbour in order to create a desirable outcome and to experience meaningful communication. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't say what you think, it means say what you think, using language which is meaningful to that person.

Imagine if I wrote an article today on weight-loss and in it I used completely over-the-top scientific language and jargon. You wouldn't be educated, motivated or inspired, you'd probably be confused and think I was a big tool - because I'm not speaking your language. Even if every word was true and relevant, it wouldn't have the desired effect because there would be lots of talking (okay, writing) but no real connection or communication. No understanding.

Effective communication is about a few things:

1. Understanding - It's about genuinely trying to understand the other person and to be understood (rather than shoving your thoughts down their throat and waiting for a gap in the conversation). "Do I understand her and does she understand me?" If there's mutual understanding, there will be good communication.

2. Listening - Ironically, some of the best communicators don't actually talk that much. Some people mistake verbal diarrhoea for effective communication. We know that the vast majority of communication (93%) is non-verbal, so why do we feel compelled to talk so much? I've had many productive one hour meetings with people where I've said literally fifty words, while they've talked non-stop.

3. Making the effort to understand different people's communication style. Learn new languages. Years of working with a wide range of people has taught me that what will motivate one person (a verbal kick in the pants perhaps) might devastate and demotivate the next. Some need a smack around the head and some need an arm around the shoulder. Pity I'm so good at the head smacking thing. Oh well, arm around the shoulder it is.

4. Invest emotionally. This simply means caring about the person that you're communicating with. Caring about what they think, feel, want, need, believe. If people sense that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say, you will create instant rapport and connection. You don't need to 'love' or even agree with them, just respectfully consider their perspective.

Even with this article I get a broad range of responses to the same post/article; the same words. One person will get inspired, one will get enlightened, one will get challenged, one will be indifferent and one will get offended. Why? Because I'm speaking one language (communication style) to a bunch of different people who all speak their own language and all live in their own version of reality. This is one of the reasons why I frequently change the type of articles I write (educational, humorous, philosophical, motivational) and the communication style that I use (conversational, academic, inflammatory, provocative).

So, if one of your goals is to become more effective at work, at home, at school, in romance, in conflict, in business - in life, then perhaps it's time for you to learn another language and to master the skill of communication, rather than the habit of talking.

How To Start A Conversation

2008-01-30T05:18:00.000-08:00

Some people have a natural knack for knowing how to start a conversation with anyone and make it seem interesting and effortless. Others begin to speak and look like they are doing some kind of Jerry Lewis impersonation. For those who really want to know how to start a conversation but don't know what to do, listen up. I'm going to give you a few ideas and I'm going to tell you what to do rather than what not to do.

Do, take the time to find and memorize some humorous sayings or short quips. Have these sayings always ready to use them in applicable situations. For instance, let's say someone is talking about how much mischief so and so's kid creates or perhaps she is lamenting to mischievous nature of her own child. You can toss in something like this, "Well, you know what they say, you should always smack your child every day. If you don't know why - he does!" Examples such as this will create giggles and perhaps feelings of camaraderie, at least among those who have kids!

Do; find some common ground with whomever you are trying to start a conversation with. If you are at a party, perhaps you have noticed that neither of you can do the Macarena. Or maybe both of you like to drink the same kind of beer. Always try to be perceptive and you can definitely notice little nuances about others that will allow you to start interesting conversations.

Finally, Do, take the time to relax and enjoy the process of talking to another human being. I think the biggest obstacle that people face when trying to learn how to start a conversation is that they put too much pressure on themselves and worry too much about what they are going to say next rather than listening and interpreting what their conversational counterpart is communicating to them both verbally and non-verbally.

These three suggestions above are small in scope but can produce big returns in your quest to learn how to start a conversation.

The Importance of Listening in Communication

2008-01-30T05:17:00.000-08:00

At first glance communication with another person seems relatively easy. This month I had two different experiences that showed me how tricky it is to understand what a person does or doesn't say. Taking the time to listen to others is important whether you are lawyer, a manager or an employee.

A friend recently shared with me her frustration with her sister in law. She told me that the woman seemed to rebuff her all the time. The sister in law consistently turned down invitations to go places and when they were at family events her sister in law remained quiet. "Cold fish" and "private person" were ways my friend described her.

Although I did not share this with my friend I did wonder if someone might use the same words about me. While my friend is warm, outgoing and talkative, I tend to be more quiet and introspective. I must admit that there are times I want and need to be alone too. In fact I enjoy my friend because she is so different from me. Her talkative style energizes me and draws me out.

The second experience was at a funeral for the husband of my mother's friend. The man who passed away was a quiet man who lived a long life (90+ years). The few times that I had been with this couple his wife did all the talking. I knew the man was a pianist but nothing more.

At the funeral two people gave eulogies. The first was a nephew who said that the man had married into a family of talkers. At family events everyone was shouting and laughing. His uncle, the nephew said, had a quiet presence that the family would miss.

The other speaker was a cousin who was also a musician-a violinist. The deceased was a jazz pianist and had played with some of the greats in the jazz world. The cousin told of the wonderful times he and his cousin had had improvising together. In fact he said lately he had begun calling his cousin "brother". The speaker said his cousin's way of communicating was with music.

Often people don't "get" another person simply because their communication styles are so different. The musician and his cousin did understand one another because they were alike. We are most comfortable with people who are similar in style to ourselves. At least we know how to communicate with those people.

In my practice I use the DISC behavioral assessment to help people learn about themselves and others. The report provides communication tips for people of different styles. Once clients know how others like to be communicated with, they can adapt their own style to that of their client, employer, employee, team member, or friend.

When you attend a party, a networking event or family function it is important to remember that not everyone is alike. Someone who is quiet and reserved (an introvert) might appreciate having someone new to talk to. It takes time and some effort to draw someone out. Just be curious about their interests and you may discover a jazz musician, a poet or who knows what! Everyone has a value in the world. Take the time to listen for it in others.

Keeping Girls Safe in a Twisted World - Thoughts for Parents

2008-01-30T05:15:00.000-08:00

I have daughters. If you are reading this, it might be because you have daughters too. Fathers and mothers of daughters have concerns for them in this day and age where knowledge and ethics and morals are transient and unstable; much the same I would venture to say for parents of boys-they too can get themselves into a world of trouble, quite unsuspectingly.

The fear, trouble and pain, is in one word; sex. It's her getting mixed up with the wrong crowd (and with the wrong guy) and being taken advantage of. To a point this is a rational fear, and it should evoke thought and action in parents-positive and loving action that will seek to protect her.

The profiled author below, Alice Ogden Bellis,[1] speaks to her girls from the context of Lady Wisdom's cry in Proverbs 7, the passage well known for exhorting young males not to fall for the persuasiveness of the adulteress (7:21-23). A loving mother's words don't come any better so I quote her directly:

"You know that I love you more than anything else in the world. I want you to be happy, but as you know, life is tough, life is real. It takes more than being an excellent student, world-class athlete or prizewinning dancer or musician to lead a happy life... it takes more to be happy. And so I ask you to try to discover what is true and just and wise...

Make truth your lover, justice your muse. Truth will stand by you if you lose your friends or your job because you refused to do something unethical. Justice will encircle you with warmth more real than a fire when people shun you for standing up for the dignity and worth of every person regardless of their personal characteristics, or when you blow the whistle on wrongdoing...

Truth and justice are elusive. They present themselves to those who seek them persistently and seriously. They hide from everyone else. Do not be misled by handsome faces, by beautiful bodies, by the right clothes, or the correct manners. Especially do not be deluded by flatterers who tell you that you are beautiful (of course you are!) and then ask you to give them your body and your soul. The pretty boys and jocks will beckon to you. They will ask you to go out. Soon, they will ask you to bed. It's a dangerous world. Their ways lead to death, not just moral death, but physical death as well. Drugs and alcohol and cigarettes are some of the ways of those who want to show off, but inside are little boys. They want easy sex with no responsibility. Do not cavort with folly. Do not consort with the frivolous. Rather spend your time with men of substance and worth. A good man is hard to find, but is more precious than jewels."

It takes great courage for girls to "live" this advice, but it is essential as parents of girls that we urge them to do it. Peer pressure is so amazingly powerful, even as adults we struggle to contend with it. It has to be acknowledged and discussed. The truth is difficult to decipher and we're often deceived. Yet girls can be trained to listen to their instincts and take heed of them; it's a natural process if we attend to it so we must facilitate it through discussion and consistent role modelling.

It sounds like fearful talk, and it is; the truth is fear borne from love is the right sort of Godly fear that can motivate and inspire us in our parenting. It is perception and awareness and thought and action all rolled into one. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

We also need to have the faith that we've laid the foundations. Done the wrong way, the protection we are discussing can be perceived as interference and control, and we can easily drive our girls away-that is not the way of love; that's the way of unrestrained fear. Faith is our friend. Lay the foundation, then have the faith to trust your daughter-faith does not come easily; it requires trust, and that requires courage. Pray for wisdom to do the right, loving thing.

What relationship have you got with your daughter? Are you her friend and trusted ally? Work on it. As fathers what is our role? We must be a positive and loving influence in her life. What she sees in you is the type of behaviour she'll come to expect from her future husband/partner.

Sex is part of the problem. Acceptance is another part of the problem. If we can call our girls toward living wisely (i.e. truth and justice as Bellis suggests) we can counteract the forces of sex and need for acceptance. Most, if not all, mothers would know that sex is not a natural act for girls unless it comes at the right time, in the right circumstances and is 'carried out' with a gentle, caring, and (loving) committed male. Otherwise, it can be a psychologically damaging experience, which can set up a series of problems for the future. These problems will affect relationships-most of all potentially the parent-child relationship. Now, there's an incentive!

Love affords protection from very early on in a young girl's life. This is a process that begins almost before she can remember, yet it is also a paradigm that can be taught later depending on the role modelling and love relationships that exist around it. Love is very powerful. If you learn and implement true love as a parent, especially early on, you have high chances of success. Love never forces anything; it is always a choice. It always provides choice,[2] because it is girded and bolstered by faith, and a positive hope. Only fear forces things, at times, in name of love. You can tell when fear drives 'love'-there's no sense of love and it is a confusing time for all. Don't fear, just love.

Have you communicated wisdom to your girls? It is the best way to fight this fight.

[1] A.O. Bellis, "The Gender and Motives of the Wisdom Teacher in Proverbs 7," in Wisdom and Psalms (1998), 79-91.

[2] Choice is not a free-for-all. All relationships need safe boundaries. When boundaries exist to protect both parties of a relationship, choice is then the natural result. Choice can then be given without reservation. This is love expressed through faith.

5 Super Topics of Conversation

2008-01-30T05:13:00.000-08:00

Conversations can be a little difficult and stilted when you first meet someone or start to talk to them online. What you need are topics of conversation that are fun to talk about so that you can both relax and enjoy getting to know each other better. That's why different forms of entertainment are such good topics of conversation. They also might provide you with ideas for a future date! At least you will find out what you both like to watch, listen to and do for entertainment.

Here are a few topics of conversation to help you to get to know the other person better and have some fun as well; who knows where the conversation my lead!

1. Music

A good topic of conversation is about what music styles the person you are talking to likes. You can also ask if they have a favorite musician or group or a favorite CD. You may find that you share musical tastes in common, which would be nice and a conversation started in this way can easily progress to talking about different clubs you have visited or concerts that you have been to. Perhaps it may lead to you asking the other person on a date to an upcoming gig.

2. Movies

Movies are a great topic of conversation as almost everyone has at least a few movies which they liked a lot and remember well. They will associate these movies with happy times and so the mood of your conversation is more likely to be light and happy. Talk about your all-time favorite movies or actors and actresses or the movies that you have seen recently. Discussing what movies you like will also show something of your personality and that of the person you are talking to, so you can see more closely how compatible you are. Again, this could lead to a date or at least a fun and friendly time out at your local cinema.

3. Books

These days, fewer people seem to read, but if you would rather curl up with a good book than stare at the silver screen, try asking what types of books the other person likes to read or whether they have read a book that seems to be all the rage at the moment.

4. Television

For the vast majority of people, watching television is the pastime that they spend most time on. In fact, many adults spend more hours watching TV than they do doing anything else, including sleeping. Asking about TV programmes that a person watch is pretty much guaranteed to lead to a conversation. Whether it's 'CSI', 'Desperate Housewives', 'Lost' or some other TV series, the chances are that you will find that you have some viewing pleasure in common.

5. Sport

You don't have to be some great athlete to enjoy talking about sport. Many people are avid armchair fans of some sport or other. Talking about your favorite sport and the players allows you to see if you share team loyalties or maybe you both just like shouting at the referee; either way it can be fun to chat about.

So, armed with these five topics of conversation, you should be able to feel confident talking to anyone on or offline informally. You will have something to open a conversation with on which the other person will feel comfortable about replying; from there, there are many follow-up questions which you can ask about any or all of these topics of conversation to keep the chat flowing.

Communication Skill Builders Explained

2008-01-30T05:11:00.000-08:00

Whatever the level of your ability or whatever your needs are, you will find communication skill builders suitable for you. Interpersonal skills problems are the most significant and harmful difficulties to beset relationships.

That is the case whether we are talking about a relationship with a spouse, your children, your colleagues or anyone that you have to deal with in your life. Some of the skills needed are specific to certain situations or at least have to be adapted, which is why you will find communication skill builders for all aspects of social interaction and all the different situations in which you might be called upon to use those rapport skills.

At work, you may have to talk to people you don't know, maybe even people you don't even like; these people may be from very different backgrounds and cultures. It's at work that you may be in authority over others, having to get people to follow instructions and adhere to policies, perhaps having to fit reluctantly into a company's ethos.

A communication skill builder aimed at the workplace may deal with managing anger and conflict as well as team work and goal setting, together with the usual communication skills that we all need in our daily lives.

Communication difficulties can sometimes cause problems within a marriage. If they are not resolved, a lack of communication can lead to irreparable damage and even divorce. Many people, if they could, would intervene before it gets that far. A communication skill builder aimed at marriage situations can help you do just that.

As in all communications, listening skills are vital. You may also need to learn how to resolve conflict and manage your own anger, just as in the workplace, but the methods you will choose to do that are probably different in a marriage.

A communication skills builder shows you how. It will help you, through a series of books, tapes, CDs and DVDs, by taking you through some of the most common communication situations and helps you develop communication strategies for dealing with them. Within a marriage, you will have to make many joint decisions such as on living arrangements, finances and eventually children.

All too often one partner can simmer with resentment at feeling they are not listened to and never get their way. You can learn to get over this and become assertive without causing offence, so that you communicate effectively and reach mutual decisions.

Those are just two areas in which you might find communication skill builders but there are many more. A simple internet search will show you quite a lot of them.

These days, you can even get communication tips via e-courses, where each day or at least at regular intervals, another lesson is -mailed to people who opt into a list. Sometimes these e-courses can be free but it may be worth your while beforehand finding out if whoever offers the course has the credentials to be an authority on communication skills, especially if you are paying for the course, in whichever format it comes.

Other such courses offer coaching on more in-depth and specialized aspects of communication, such as conflict resolution, effective management at work etc. There are even courses on talking to your teenagers. These courses give you materials which you can look through again and again at your leisure, helping you to digest the messages and tips.

They may suggest exercises for you to do to build up your communication skills because in this area there really is no substitute for practice. Trying out your skills helps you to perfect them and to grow in confidence. That's the great thing about communication skill builders because you have the materials there to refer back to at any time and because they are often self-paced, your learning can progress as you feel more comfortable.

Emotional Gossip, Whispers and Secret Codes

2008-01-30T05:09:00.000-08:00

SMS or Short Messaging Systems, as an industry sector only began in the second half of the 1990's. In the space of just a few years, mobile messaging has become an immense global industry generating over $55 Billion US Dollars in 2005 and expected to reach 67 Bn by 2012 generating 3.7 trillion messages. The largest portion of this revenue comes from simple SMS, worth an estimated $47 Bn USD in 2005 reported by Forrester Research.

In a similar timeframe, in the wireline world, person-to-person email has grown from a standing start to traffic levels which The Radicati Group expect to reach a staggering 21,000 Bn messages communicated worldwide this year (not counting spam). Only a short 10-15 years ago email was no more advanced than the green and black screen and now we send email with frequency and regularity in explosive volumes never before seen before.

But lately, simple mobile messaging has taken on a new look and a new social communications mode, especially interesting to the SMS market.

In Tokyo, Yokohama and Seoul, where these new communications devices, modes, and systems are usually first born, users have been growing the self-expression phenomenon to new communication formats. Japan was the first nation to implement 3G technology which facilitates these communication modes. These trends are later emulated throughout other parts of the world, most notably by the youth of China but more surprisingly, not by the youth of North America where IM is in more common use. (24 is the average daily number of SMS sent by users in Asia surveyed by Acision. This compares with 6 per day in Europe and 2 per day in the US.) (There are exceptions, I realize. Recently, in Vancouver where we live, I was talking to my son about this article: he declared, "Nonsense, I send or receive about 50 messages' a day." You can always depend on an argument from your children.)

Email (or, as they say, "what my father uses") has been replaced in Japan more recently by the emerging "E MOJI" mail and other even more elaborate communications tools variously encoding secret or private messages. Since, in Japan it is not permitted to use voice communications on mobiles in commuter trains (it is considered to be in poor taste and inconsiderate or impolite to others), it has embraced this technology and used even more widely in all circumstances than voice communication,ds as a result. E MOJI is a branch of 'gyaru' (girl or gal) plus 'moji' (text or alphabet) used by Japanese youth as a code for communicating outside of the majority of surrounding society members. The technique involves the use of the Latin alphabet, hiragana, katakana, kanji and Greek.

Now while encoding communications is not new, the use of non-verbal signage to communicate emotions rather than precise information has a more recent history. Beginning with emoticons or 'smilies' in the so named, antiquated email systems, these emotional signs have been replaced or augmented by a variety of new very sophisticated coding systems. And while even non-verbal signage has been with us since the beginning of human communications, emotional sign language in the context of social networking is a new phenomenon.

Some common standards involve the use of homonyms and the use of numbers for example:
• 4-6-4-9 -- yo-ro-shi-ku ("hello," "best regards")
• 3-3-4-1 -- sa-mi-shi-i ("I feel lonely")
• 8-8-9-1-9 -- ha-ya-ku-i-ku ("hurry up, let's go")
• 8-8-- 'ba ba' in China (Bye bye)

Another form, more commonly used in IM but finding popularity in the mobile environments is the ASCII art which is an artistic medium that relies primarily on computers for presentation and consists of pictures pieced together from the 95 printable (from a total of 128).

As you might imagine, constructing these communication codes is much more cumbersome and time consuming than typing common text messages. So why go to the trouble? We may venture to suggest that what may not be spelled out for a variety of reasons, (shyness, culture conduct, or secrecy) these new non-verbal communications solve a growing problem previously unforeseen to social networking systems.

First, even though these signs are relatively new, they are commonly used. And signs can be defensibly either explicit or vague. If a sign is advanced and wrongfully interpreted by the receiver, it could be explained away as a miss-use or ambiguous use of the sign. On the other hand, in the right social communications, for example between courting couples, it can be very explicit and intimate. Signs are also a very simple way of communicating a lot with only a few strokes of the keyboard as is the case in most traditional non-verbal communications.

Gossip, in this way can involve a very secret code for a personal name shared by only a few, plus the use of many more common signs. The communication is successful between intended sender and receiver but puzzling to those who may intercept or read it either by chance of by purpose. (It is now common practice in some circles: ((read young and teenage users)) to pass around your cell phones and look at each other's messages, personal avatars, settings and so on.)

What was unforeseen and now worrisome by technocrats regarding social networking was the fact that even though people are texting, they are not communicating on a personal, emotional level. This system of signage does go to some length in solving this problem. And the bemoaning of loss of communications skills in writing and speaking has developed into a very new sophisticated communication system.

These tools are most widely used by teenagers who are definitely not in a 'hugging' phase of their development, (shunning to hug even their mothers and fathers and certainly not, a 'friend' found on Facebook or MySpace)

But the use of signs is a kind of emotional icebreaker; a way of testing the sender and receivers level of emotional involvement. This media is an appropriate way to introduce yourself (perfect strangers flirtatious approach); flirting (recent introductions); gossip emotional gossip among 'friends') and whispers and secret codes intimate or familiar communications shared among close 'fiends.

Even among strangers it is a way of asking, "Do you speak my language?" These communications can be exchanged surreptitiously among senders and receivers even while conversations both live and virtual are being carried on in the same environment as for example around a common table or lunchroom. If you ever have the chance to visit a coffee bar or internet bar or better yet a campus lounge or lunchroom, you will witness these obvious exchanges taking place evidenced by the questioning and perplexing looks of the un-included members of the group.

Now, this phenomena does not go to lengths to solve the problem of loss of communication skills as is widely noted to be diminishing in most sectors: elementary students are not developing grammar skills as only a generation ago they did; college and university students fail the most fundamental writing and speaking grammatical tests; young workers in most service jobs cannot express themselves adequately enough to satisfy customer concerns; and even in corporate environments, most big talk has been replaced by superficial small talk in both informal and formal settings.

My prediction is that since communication techniques are bound to change, they will continue to change in terms of poorer efficiencies and this is a worrisome problem especially when we must participate in globalization exchanges where most people we will engage, speak English as Foreign language and follow the rules of grammar and civil conversation rather adroitly.

Are We Just Friends - Or Much More? Surefire Signs to Know!

2008-01-23T19:45:00.000-08:00

In this article we are going to take a quick peek at some of the non verbal signs of interest and learn to quickly and easily separate what passes as friendly banter, from something much more romantic at heart. Ready to learn more? Great! Read on as we explore.

Have you ever wondered - are we just friends, or something more?

Across a crowded room, he catches your eyes, winks and flashes you his broadest, widest smile. To the casual observer, he's making a pass! But no, he's your best friend and he just wants to remind you of that fact, despite the physical distance between you.

Or does he? In the presence of a stranger, the signs are hard to misinterpret, but how do you differentiate a romantic gesture from a friendly one when you already know the person in question? The answer lies in being able to spot the nonverbal signs of a really good friendship. And failure to recognize these crucial signs can CRUSH a close friendship fast!

The fact of the matter is, when you really like someone simply as a friend, your body language very closely mimics the body language of people in love. Sounds confusing, right?

In the beginning of ANY positive relationship (romantic or otherwise), you will greet each other enthusiastically (perhaps even hugging and kissing, depending on your natural level of demonstrativeness), and look at, smile and nod in agreement more often when in the presence of the other. These are all positive signs of affection!

Because you make each other feel good, you will enjoy being around each other. As a result, you will stand closer, face each other head on and touch each other (linking arms or hands, patting each other on the back, etc.). In a show of solidarity, you will begin acting alike, both verbally and nonverbally.

The key point is - new friendships display more or less the SAME body language as do new romances! However, once the 'newness' of the relationship wears off, the body language will progress in one of two directions.

If the relationship is to settle down into more of a friendship than a romance, many of the overt signs of affection slow down or die completely. At this point, you'll soon find yourselves settling into the "long time friends" role (which mimics a 'married couple'). That is, you'll still be comfortable in each other's presence, but you'll no longer feel the need to outwardly display your affections for one another.

On the other hand, if a romantic relationship is to develop, you will find your partner responding to you in the progression of interest outlined in the previous section. (She will gaze, preen, and close distance more regularly and more intensely, and he will respond in kind - please see the "Sexual and Romantic Gestures" section above).

If you're in a new friendship and you're unsure whether it might lead to romantic possibilities, hold off for a few weeks, and try engaging more frequently in some of the more subtle sexual and romantic gestures outlined above.

If the relationship still settled into a relaxed 'married couple' or 'long time friend' mode, you'll save face by not broaching the topic too soon, keep your friendship intact and avoid some major league humiliation to boot!

Read On to discover 23 Body Language Secrets you can't find anywhere else on the internet...for FREE!

So powerful it's almost like reading minds!

David DeAngelo - The Man Behind "Double Your Dating"

2008-01-23T19:40:00.000-08:00

"Double Your Dating" is perhaps one of the most successful e-books on the Internet on the topic of meeting and picking up women. The book was created by David DeAngelo, and in this article I will give you some information about who David DeAngelo is, and how he created such a successful dating system.

David DeAngelo was a successful businessman who had trouble meeting and dating beautiful women. One day he decided that he would get this area of his life handled, so that it would no longer be a problem.

He took a twofold approach - he started studying anything that he could get his hands on and also started hanging around some of the naturals who were amazing at getting women.

He quickly found out two things:

First of all, most of the books and seminars out there on the topic only talked about how to have healthy relationships with the woman you're dating, and not how to meet women in the first place.

The second thing he found out was that most of "the naturals" did things that simply didn't make sense to him - they would tease girls mercilessly, act like girls were hitting on them and other things that on the surface wouldn't seem to attract women.

However, he would see firsthand these naturals leave with beautiful women night after night.

That's when David DeAngelo decided to take a more in depth look at the interactions between these naturals and women, and also started trying a variety of different techniques, and tweaking those techniques to make them better and better.

After many months of dedication, he had become a master at picking up beautiful women.

He took all of the refined ideas that he had tested, and the things that worked the best for him, and put them together into a system. The main part of the system is his famous book -- Double Your Dating.

The transformation David DeAngelo went through from the beginning to the end of his quest on how to meet women is simply amazing.

Now you will almost never find him without a beautiful woman by his side, and he has dated many famous women and models as well.

In fact, there are many of his students and those who read Double Your Dating who also underwent the same type of changes in their life - going from never being able to get a date to dating many beautiful women.

If you want some more information about David DeAngelo, you can read the following article: David DeAngelo and his Double Your Dating.

How Can You Tell If She Really Likes You? 3 Simple Ways to Figure Out Whether She Does Or Not

2008-01-23T19:32:00.000-08:00

Ok so you're sitting there wondering if the girl you like - likes you. No doubt women can be tough to read. We all like to play the control game. Nobody likes to show their cards. It's almost like a poker game where you play the player.

The key strategy is to figure out if you have made a correct read. The last thing you want to do is embarrass yourself. The worst thing you can do at this point is prejudge the situation based upon your opinions. Sure she may have a boyfriend or she may not like you. However if you indulge in over analysis you will prevent yourself from taking action and getting to the truth.

Number one you need to pay attention to what is going on around you. Now and then look over in her direction and see if you can grab her attention - if you do then smile at her. A Smile is a warm and friendly way of engaging somebody. If she looks away then looks back and smiles this will prove to be positive. At least at this point you will know that she is comfortable with your attention.

Number 2 - now that you have reached this positive milestone - you can walk in her direction. At this point you do not have to engage her. If she stops what she is doing and looks in your direction as you get close to her - then she is somewhat focused on you and is open to you approaching her.

Now it is time to engage in conversation with her. Rather than asking her name immediately try and converse about something relative to the time and place. People do not like personal questions from strangers - so avoid doing that. If she is with other girls engage them in conversation also. When you feel comfortable and she is relaxed you can now ask for her number.

If You want to learn the tested psychological secrets of the female mind given to you by a woman because after all only a woman truly knows what a woman wants, then select one of the following links... You can learn this and a lot more.

Learn what you Need to know before approaching a woman

Ten Commandments to Win Over a Woman. You can learn this and more with the Guys Guide To Girls.

The Heart of Friendship

2008-01-18T07:15:00.000-08:00

Many of our readers know that, in their country, a man and woman often do not know each other until after they are married. But this is also true in America...

It may take years for couples to really know one another. Relationships of any kind, and especially "intimate" relationships, require good communication if they are to flourish.

A funny story has it that a divorce lawyer was contacted by a woman who wanted to hire him to represent her. He wanted to get more information, so he asked her if she had grounds. She said, "Yes, we have about an acre and a half."

"No, you don't understand what I mean," he said. "Do you have a grudge?"

"No," she answered, "but we have a covered driveway that seems to work well."

He forged on. "I'm not talking about your property, ma'am. I'm talking about your marriage. For instance, does your husband beat you up?"

"No. I generally get up before he does," she said.The lawyer replied in frustration, "You don't understand at all what I mean here! I want to find the reason why you came today. WHY do you want a divorce?"

She said, "I DON'T want a divorce! My husband wants the divorce. He says we can't communicate."

All close relationships require good communication. They begin with KNOWING each other -- as fully as possible. Then comes UNDERSTANDING. And from understanding, grows ACCEPTANCE. Finally, from acceptance comes something vital to any significant relationship, including marriage -- FRIENDSHIP.

As someone beautifully wrote:

"A friend is someone who knows you as you are, understands where you've been, accepts who you've become and still gently invites you to grow."

Friends like that are rare, indeed. But it all begins with knowing the other, for at the heart of friendship is communication. And is there anything better than to be truly known, understood and accepted? That time invested in good communication today will pay big dividends in lasting friendship tomorrow.

http://lovecareshare.wordpress.com

The Importance of Friendships

2008-01-18T06:53:00.000-08:00

Recent research indicates people no longer have close friendships. However they are important to your happiness and wellbeing. Friends can offer you an important means of support. Also the support you can offer a friend can be highly satisfying and an important way to boost your mood. A friendship can bring important benefits to the both of you.

Focusing on your friends and relationships rather than material things or simple pleasures will reduce your feelings of depression. Friendships can boost mood, increase self esteem as well as easing stress and worries. Research at Flinders University has found that having close friends can help you live longer. In fact friends reduced the risk of dying by 22% over a 10 year period.

Your friends are there for you to share the good times with. Friends will be truly happy for your successes. Time with friends should be about doing things that make the both of you happy. It should not be about bringing each other down. If some of your friends frequently fail to offer support and sap your confidence and happiness, you may want to ask if they are actually your friend. Remember you can choose your friends. Make sure they have a positive influence on your life, and make you feel good about yourself.

Work to make time for your friends. Email them, phone them, write a letter or send a quick text. Try to arrange a time on a regular basis to meet up. Take the opportunity to phone them and ask how they're doing without dumping all your worries on them.

Do you want more friends? Join a group or class that you are interested in is a good way of meeting people. Chatting in online discussion groups can provide you with friends throughout the world. Else you could get yourself a pen pal. Your friends can live all over the world.

You do not need hundreds of friends. A handful of people you can rely on and trust is plenty so don't feel what you have isn't good enough. Remember: don't take your friends for granted; make time for them and nurture them.

Tips For Finding Some Great Friends

2008-01-16T14:20:00.000-08:00

With today’s convenience and technology, it is easy (and even tempting) to live your life with little to no human interaction. Many people are choosing this route, whether they experience social anxiety or they simply want to avoid being around annoying people. But as a result, people are more lonely and isolated than they’ve ever been. This leads to feelings of worthlessness and depression. It is important for everyone to have friends. If you feel like you could use more friends, follow a few simple rules to start meeting people.

First of all, you need to get outside of your comfort zone. The average person probably isn't 100% comfortable with going somewhere unfamiliar, or being friendly with a stranger. Ignore your feelings of inhibition. Sign up for a class for something that you’ve always been interested in. Talk to your classmates and get to know them – this is how friendships naturally develop. This is just one example of many different situations you could put yourself in. You can go to the gym a few times a week, or volunteer to help at a homeless shelter. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you are around new people, and you are trying something new and adventurous.

Sometimes it can seem like you don’t “click” with anyone that you meet. Usually these feelings are caused by an inability to see outside of your own worldview. You should focus on breaking down this barrier, because it is extremely harmful to your social interactions. When you talk to someone, try to imagine what their life is like, and imagine how they must see the world. When you genuinely understand where a person is coming from, you’ll be much more likely to get along.

Ultimately, the only way to make friends is to get out of your chair, out of your house, and out of your comfort zone. Stop worrying, and start enjoying healthy relationships with your fellow humans.

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Can Men And Women Be Friends?

2008-01-16T14:10:00.000-08:00

It's been almost 20 years since the witty romantic comedy - When Harry Met Sally - explored the still debatable question- "Can women and men be friends?"

There are those who say 'No'. Heterosexual men and women can't be true friends. Blame the hormones! Attribute it to jealousy from a spouse. Point the finger at the predatory nature of men (and aggressive women) who "want only one thing". Or simply remember that men and women come from different planets and interplanetary friendships have never worked.

Despite the naysayers, what does the research show and what do the experts say? Since I am one of the experts (this was my dissertation topic) and have just finished an interview on "Voices in the Family", an NPR radio show with Dr. Dan Gottlieb, I'd like to share my findings with you.

Despite the stories of Harry & Sally and Chandler & Monica, men and women can be friends without the relationship transitioning into a sexual one.

In Jane Austen's time, when men and women lived in separate worlds, their primary attraction to each other was romantic or sexual. In today's world, however, men and women live, work and play together. They are fellow students, colleagues, committee members, bridge partners, tennis partners and more. This cultural shift has created a new norm in which people generally keep their sexual involvement and friendships separate.

Do some friendships turn into romantic relationships? Yes. And thank goodness for that; it's been the beginning of many a great marriage. Issues, however, may become challenging when friends are not on the same page with the nature of their friendship or when the friendship becomes threatening to the committed relationship.

So, when you've got a challenge in life, what do you do? Do you give up, saying this is just too difficult, confusing, or baffling for me? Do you avoid the problem or scratch the idea? Or do you deal with the challenge?

My take on the matter is --deal with it. Here's how to do just that:

• DEFINING THE RELATIONSHIP - All friendships, even same-sex ones, can have ambiguous and changing boundaries. It can be a shock to you when you view Joan as a very good friend and her behavior indicates to you that she views you as no more than a "tennis buddy". Or, a friendship that you once considered "near and dear", has changed into something much more casual. With cross-sex friendships, the ambiguous boundaries can be even more tumultuous. So, take the time to define the relationship - both in your head and in a discussion with the other person.

• DEALING WITH THE ATTRACTION - Let's say one or both of you do feel some physical attraction to the other. Does that doom the friendship or can you learn to live with it? Is there such a thing as harmless flirtation? Innocent sexual bantering? Sexual attraction without the desire to act on it? We too often look for purity in relationships. Some people believe that the only workable cross-sex friendship might be between two homely, asexual people - a nerd and a nun (and an old-fashioned nun at that). Stop fooling yourself. You can be attracted to your friend and choose not to make that attraction the nature of your relationship. Why? The short answer: because you are more than your hormones.

• DEALING WITH OTHERS' FEELINGS - Other people, particularly spouses/committed partners, may feel threatened by your relationship. Do not discount their feelings. If the shoe were on the other foot, you would probably feel the same way. It is your responsibility to work to integrate the friendship in some manner into your committed relationship Try including your spouse in on the friendship, either by all of you getting together at times or by not keeping the relationship secret or apart from the rest of your life. Out of respect for your spouse, you may need to change where and when you see your friend. Lunch may be far preferable to dinner - if you are leaving your spouse feeling home alone and abandoned.

Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back Made Simple

2008-01-16T14:06:00.000-08:00

When your girl decides that the relationship has run its course, and that there's nothing more to say to each other and nothing left to do together...it sucks. You may not necessarily feel that way, but she does and she's gone. Getting her back wouldn't be easy, but is it possible?

Well, yes...it is very much possible. People do it every day, although for many it just kind of happens that way without much in the way of intent or technique. If you'd like a little more control than that, than just simple coincidence...I can help you out. There'll still be a helping of luck involved, but if you play your cards right you can do a lot towards making chance less of a factor.

It's all in how you handle the hurt, really. There will be hurt, you're only lying to yourself if you try to claim that it doesn't affect you to be dumped by the love of your life. The difference between whether or not you get your ex girlfriend back is pretty much the measure of the difference of whether you let that pain cripple you and hold you back, or if you throw it in the furnace and let it fuel you with motivation to turn things around.

It's really that simple. Either be a victim of the relationship, or stand up and be a man, and fix it. You can't rely on anybody else to put things back together for you, so you have to be the one who steps up to the plate. If you want your ex back as your girlfriend, make it happen.

Start by figuring what went wrong in the relationship, what made it fail. Focus on the things YOU are responsible for...you can't change others, only yourself. Don't worry about anything your ex may have done, those aren't things you can really do anything about. Work on whatever part you had in the relationship's failure. It'll be a little painful to think about and focus on, but it's overall very constructive to your efforts.

Thinking of the problems is only half of it...you have to fix them too. Girls don't give you much credit for just thinking about doing something, you have to do it. You need to solve any issues that were plaguing your relationship. If you don't, any future tries at getting that relationship going again will just end as badly as the first.

It's hard because most of it will involve changing things about yourself that you may not necessarily want to see changed...but if it's worth it to you to have a shot at happiness with your ex-girlfriend, then suck it up and do it. Being in a relationship is a give-and-take sort of thing, and if you're willing to give up what's asked of you to give up, then power to you. I don't advise just doing anything for a woman and letting her take advantage of how you feel about her, but there's a difference between being too stubborn to give her what's due and being wrapped around her finger. You decide what's worth giving up to have her.

Once you've dealt with what needs dealing with, the time comes to show her that you have. This is really just done by spending time with her and being the best that you can be, but breaking the ice all over again after a breakup can be difficult. The best way to do it is to make a simple, harmless contact...an email or phone call seeing how she's doing. Just something that says "Hey, I care about you enough to see what's going on." This can be a nice opener, that's not too up-front about the relationship or the two of you. There should be NO mention of getting back together or anything of the sort unless SHE wants to talk about it. This is a nonaggressive tactic that's much less likely to run off an already-damaged girl.

From here on, it's basically just seriously being the person you always were, without the biggest flaws you used to have. Women are pretty accepting of somebody who seriously tries and does his best for them, so just be the you that she fell in love with without being the you that hurt her enough to leave you. It's also important not to undo all your hard work by slumping back into your old habits and ways once you're together again...it's a common mistake that usually results in the relationship dying again.

The bottom line is that things can be pretty simple if you look at them the right way. Just focus on fixing yourself and be the man she loves without being the man she hates. Follow this advice, and your campaign to get your ex back should be a lot easier.

Just break up? Get instant relief from break up pain and a proven plan to get your ex back. Free articles and info at http://www.getyourexbacknow.com/

5 Ways a Guy Can Completely Ruin His Kissing Reputation

2008-01-16T13:55:00.000-08:00

Here's the deal guys. Very rarely will a woman tell you that she thinks you're a bad kisser.

Nope, instead she'll abruptly but politely make up an excuse to end the evening. Leaving you wondering "What happened? We were having such a great time".

Maybe you were, but she wasn't.

Now she's going to go home and tell every single one of her girlfriends about the guy who tried to eat her tonsils, or the dude whose breath smelled like cabbage. They'll probably make up nicknames like "the slobber goblin" for you and laugh about it for weeks. Good luck getting some in that town ever again.

Okay, so I admit that the above scenario is a little exaggerated. But it's a fact that women take kissing very seriously. To them it's an indication of how good a guy is going to be at other things.

It's also a fact that they're going to talk about a bad kissing experience with their girlfriends. So, with that in mind, here are the things that will completely ruin your kissing reputation.

Have a Nasty Mouth

Whether it is bad breath or dry, chapped lips, a nasty mouth will destroy her kissing mood.

This is easy to remedy. Just practice good dental hygiene, carry some breath mints, avoid spicy or strong foods, and keep a tube of chapstick handy.

Get Nervous

Go ahead. Get nervous. I'm sure she'll love having your sweaty, clammy hands clumsily pawing at her while you shake like a washing machine spin cycle from anxiety.

Sounds hot, huh?

Instead, why don't you take a few deep breaths when you start feeling nervous and force yourself to relax. Remember it's just kissing and she's probably a little nervous too. Confidence is a major turn on for women. Fake it until you feel it.

Lick Her Tonsils

Because the deeper you can go with your tongue the more impressed she'll be, right? Wrong. Don't be surprised if she pukes all over your lap.

Want to know what will really impress her? Gently touch her tongue with yours and try to copy her movements. Keep your touch slow and soft. Unless she's trying to suck your face off, of course.

Grab Everything

She's putting her tongue in your mouth. That obviously grants you free reign to fondle anything you want, doesn't it?

Take it easy pal. It's still just a kiss. Don't use it as an excuse to grope her shamelessly. How about touching her hips, back, or face instead.

Rush the Kiss

Some guys think that the sooner they finish the kiss, the sooner they can get started on other things. That might work ten percent of the time, but with a quality girl it's guaranteed to backfire.

She can tell when you're rushing things and it's going to irritate her. You definitely won't be remembered as a great kisser.

Take your time. A good kisser behaves like there's nothing else in the world he'd rather be doing. He savors every second. If you can do that, you'll be way ahead of the average guy and well on your way to having an excellent kissing reputation.

How To Get The Woman Of Your Dreams - Increase You Odds In 3 Amazing Ways

2008-01-15T04:20:00.000-08:00

Trust me guys there are a lot of beautiful available women out there. The biggest problem we face is our own thinking. We often entertain notions when we see a beautiful woman that she is out of our league. When you do entertain such notions it is time to sit down and ask yourself why. Why is it when you see a beautiful woman that you think she would be too good for you?

Maybe you are watching too much day time television where you have these almost perfect looking women with good looking guys. Now while this makes good Tv I suppose, in all honesty the world is not made up of perfect couples.

This is a reality if you open your eyes and look without judgment you will see it for yourself. How often have us blokes ever said to ourselves or each other "what is she doing with him"?

Your first step in increasing your odds is to understand your own insecurity. You need to address this. Women like us seek security. Our brains are wired that way through our primordial desire to survive. Women like guys who are comfortable with themselves. Why because they make them comfortable. Women do not want to be with a guy who is insecure and indecisive.

Secondly when you approach a woman you need to look her in the eyes and not focus your attention elsewhere. Sure sex is wonderful and most of us enjoy it but do not lose sight of the bigger picture and that is being with a soul mate that evokes harmony and affection. There is nothing better than when you really make a connect with somebody.

Thirdly understanding how a woman communicates non-verbally. Women are experts in non verbally communication and often wish that we men would understand them better.

Guy's if you are serious about getting the girl of your dreams then you need to seriously work on solid techniques to achieve your goal. If you know what a girl is thinking it is far easier to approach her. If You want to learn the tested psychological secrets of the female mind given to you by a woman because after all only a woman truly knows what a woman wants, then select one of the following links... You can learn this and a lot more.

Learn what you NEED to know before approaching a woman.

Ten Commandments to Win Over a Woman. You can learn this and more with the Guys Guide To Girls.

How To Find A Single Man - Every Woman's Guide

2008-01-15T04:16:00.000-08:00

It seems that there are heaps of single men around, yet a 'gorgeous' woman like you can never find a good one! This is a cry that is often heard amongst single women, who are fed up with their lack of success in the dating game. The good news is that working out how to find a single man may not be as difficult as you think. It is simply of matter of being in the right place, having the right attitude and sending out the right signals.

So what is meant by being in the right place? Well, firstly you need to get out there! Staying at home all day and night will not get you a guy and, unless you are Angelina Jolie, or someone like that, men are not going to be turning up at your door step 24/7. You need to get out and go to places where people are interacting. Whilst parties and bars are good for this, so too are coffee shops, supermarkets and even laundromats! Let's face it, you can spend a lot of time in a laundromat and you need to talk to somebody - right?

If you are a little on the shy side, then why not try online dating. This has become a very popular way for people to meet, in recent times, and I am sure that most of us have either heard, or read, many successful stories about couples coming together over the internet. The range of single men, available, is much broader online as well.

If you are in a position to do some traveling, you could try going interstate to find your perfect man. California, New York and Colorado are just some of the best known places for single guys to hang out.

The right attitude simply means trying to meet some, but not all, of the criteria that men find attractive in women. And what men find attractive in women most are confidence and that they look presentable. Despite the popular assumption that men prefer women to be beautiful and 'ditzy', most men are really more attracted to women, who are confident in themselves, women who know what they want and are not afraid to ask.

The right body language can also play a huge role in your interactions with a single man. If you cross your arms, play with your clothes or not look at him directly then he will probably get the idea that you are not really interested in him. On the other hand, good eye contact, frequent smiling and leaning forward in conversation are the right signals if you are keen on pursuing a relationship.

Eventually, how to find a single man will become as easy as pie, once you get all these 'right' things down pat. Then you can go off into the dating scene, with confidence, and men will be drawn to you like moths to a flame!

By the way, you can discover some of the best secrets about how to find a single man and keep him by visiting http://How-To-Find-A-Single-Man.blogspot.com

Dating Advice - Winter Fashion Tips for Single Women

2008-01-15T04:14:00.000-08:00

Whether braving the wind tunnels in downtown Toronto or damp nights in Seattle, keeping warm and looking hot is something women coast to coast want to capture. Learn how to dress in layers so you're ready for anything, vamp up the makeup and keep warm and look hot, despite cool temperatures.

Layer Clothing

First, you need to learn the art of layering your clothing so you're ready for any event life throws your way. Remember, skin is in all year round, even when the weather doesn't seem to permit. You can fix this problem by wearing several thin fashionable layers. Your final layer should be a cool, trendy coat. If you're more demure, go for a black coat with a faux fur collar to add some excitement.

Touchable Fabrics

You want that touch-me kind of fabric, which is the basic rule of looking hot and keeping warm. Anything that feels good to touch (such as cashmere or velvet) should fill your closet during winter months. They will make you feel great and look amazing too. Don't be afraid to show cleavage or a little skin in these fabrics.

Just Add Color

When you think of "hot" colors, red comes to mind. Instead of the little black dress, go for the little red dress - even in winter (just make sure your coat is warm). This change of pace will make you look sultry, even if it's not so hot outdoors.

Get Some Color

A tan makes the winter blues run for the door in an instant. If you can't getaway on a warm tropical holiday, why not get the best self tanner you can find and fake it. These days tanners are made with the best possible ingredients ensuring you have a fabulous golden tan. Fashion tip: Put your tan to work with a winter white sweater!

Sexy Makeup

Without sultry makeup, what would most women do during the winter? Good question. To keep looking hot without breaking the bank with a wardrobe full of new clothes, you must master the art of creating smoky eyes with liner, full lashes and gray shadows. This will make you look hot no matter what.

Stunning Accessories

If you're always wearing black, as many women do, get out that colorful sexy handbag. Why not try it in a sexy fabric like purple or green velvet. Earrings should be long and dangle to mid-neck. Anything you can do to draw attention to the face is a must, since you're all covered up everywhere else. If you're showing more skin, try a delicate necklace strategically placed to draw attention to your collarbones. Gold jewelry always looks stunning with skin.

With these tips, you will master the philosophy of looking hot, while keeping warm. Just remember to be yourself, only sexier. Not only will it be easier to get through those cold winter months, but it will give you motivation to look your best all year round.

Are You Still in Love With Your Ex?

2008-01-13T21:57:00.000-08:00

Dealing with a break up is not an easy thing to do, but sometimes people can become too confident in their coping abilities. They carry on with their lives believing that they don't miss their ex, when in fact they actually do. This is a common behavior response known as distancing, and while it may temporarily ease the pain, it is not a long-term solution. Here are some signs that you are still in love with your, even if you are having trouble accepting the fact.

Questions

If you find yourself asking a lot of questions about your ex's whereabouts and activities, then it is obvious that you are still thinking about them. You want to know how they are coping with the break up and who they are spending their time with. You may even feel a sense of anxiety when you hear that they are dating someone new. All of these examples are signs that you have not moved on with your life. It is of course natural to be curious about your ex's activities, but becoming obsessed with this information is not healthy.

Adjusting Your Schedule

Making changes to your social plans or work schedule to spy on your ex is another bad sign. You might even try to plan your social appearances at events when you know your ex will be present. All of this is done in an effort to force interaction with your ex and remind them that you are still around. In some cases, you may do this without even knowing it by subliminally visiting the same restaurants and social spots you used to frequent together. Either way, adjusting your schedule with your ex in mind shows that you are still consumed with their opinion.

Using Jealousy

Do you ever talk to certain people or buy yourself flashy gifts only because you know your ex will notice? This is an indicator that you are trying to use jealousy to manipulate your ex. In your mind, you may think these actions are done to get revenge on your ex, but the reality is that you are actually trying to attract their attention. If you were truly over your relationship then you wouldn't be concerned with how your ex perceived you. By using jealous tactics you are proving that you still care about what they think.

Answer the Question

Sometimes the truth is the hardest thing to face, but by confronting your feelings you will be able to effectively deal with them. Ask your self honestly if you still love your ex. Would you accept them back in your life if they asked you for forgiveness today? Only you know the true answer to this question, but it is one that is important to ask.

Being in love with your ex is not necessarily a bad thing. It does however become a problem when you avoid the facts and try to hide from your own feelings. Recognizing that you still have strong emotions for them is the first step in recovery. From there you will need to decide if you want to get your ex back or focus your efforts on moving forward with your life.

Not every relationship has to end after a break up. Find proven strategies to win back your ex at GetBackMyEx.com

Tips for How to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

2008-01-13T20:59:00.000-08:00

Breaking up with your girlfriend isn't usually the high point of your day...in fact, it can ruin all your days for weeks or even months! However, that's only if you let it. If you can correct your wrongs and get in gear, you can get her back and go back to living happily at her side! You just have to know how!

It really doesn't have to be all that difficult, either. Girls aren't as insanely complicated as they can sometimes seem, and all the things they ask of you can usually be summed up into one simple desire: they just want to feel cared for. The reason she probably broke up with you is because she wasn't feeling cared for. To get her back, you need to correct this.

Feeling cared for is more than just being loved and knowing it. Sometimes just telling her you love her isn't enough, you have to be there for her and give her what she needs. Being cared for can include a wide range of things, including being loved, having support (both emotional and financial), having stability, and a lot of other relationship and life situations.

Whatever she wasn't getting, you weren't giving. You have to figure out what you were doing wrong, and fix it in yourself if you ever want to get her back again or even to have a chance with someone else. The first step in your road to getting your ex girlfriend back is simple reflection, sitting down with yourself and figuring out what went wrong.

Once you've come up with a list of all the things that you did in the relationship that probably contributed to her dumping you (and this may be a long list depending on your situation), the time comes to start doing something about them. All of the major things that made her unhappy enough to leave need to be fixed, or else you're never going to get her back.

This'll probably take a while, but when you do feel that you've taken care of any and all large problems, you can start to break back into a relationship with her --but take it slow! Even if she still loves you and you have your act together, she may still not exactly LIKE you, and rushing things or pushing too aggressively will lose her for good. Start off small, with a phone call seeing how she's doing. Keep things light and nonthreatening until it's clear she's comfortable with a little more.

Take baby steps until you can walk again, and with the work you've done on yourself you'll have a pretty good shot of getting her back! Keeping her after that is just a matter of keeping the changes you've made to your behavior. Rest assured that if you revert to how you were during the first (and failed) relationship, this one will go the same way. Don't win the war just so you can break the peace again yourself.

Just break up? Get instant relief from break up pain and a proven plan to get your ex back. Free articles and info at http://www.getyourexbacknow.com

Why You Shouldn't Apologize To Your Ex Immediately After Breaking Up

2008-01-13T20:55:00.000-08:00

Most of us were taught that offering an apology -- any apology -- will instantly restore good feelings, dissolve anger, mend the fabrics of a broken relationship and heal a broken heart. This is very true -- a good apology does take care of most bad feelings and creates good ones -- but while an apology is a very powerful thing, done wrong, it can backfire big time.

An apology to try and fix things is not the right way to get your ex back. When someone is hurt, angry, suspicious, distrustful, resistant and negatively sensitive to you, a premature apology usually just make things worse.

The first few first contacts with your ex should never start with "I want to apologize". At some point, you'll have to apologize for your part in the relationship going the direction it went, but this is not the right time -- yet -- even if you are dying to get things off your chest.

An emotional "apology" before you've laid grounds for meaningful interaction is simply a communication of your regret and if you're not very careful, you can easily come across as trying to manipulate someone to get on his or her good side (and often it is). And in some instances it does work. Your ex may be too vulnerable to graciously accept your "scheming apology" but only to reject it later -- sort of a delayed reaction thing.

I've seen this same exact thing happen to too many people. Months after the amends event, their ex turns on them and spews out bile (anger, rage, fury resentment etc) for things that they thought they'd apologized for and settled.

The best thing you can do is keep the "apology" to yourself, until you are once again talking and the two of you can "clear the air" without causing further misunderstandings, re-opening the wounds and jeopardizing everything.

And don't demand an apology and don't expect it-no matter how much time you've spent preparing to hear your ex apologize. If your ex brings up the break-up, simply say, "I made a huge mistake (or many mistakes) and if you'd let me, I will prove to you how sorry I am, not with just my words but with my actions. All I am asking at this point is to be able to see/talk/email from time to time Is this something that you would be open to?" or something along those lines. You probably know how to phrase it better since you know your ex more intimately.

Just remember to make sure you phrase it like a request rather than a statement. The question at the end is very important because it seeks cooperation rather than confrontation.

Then when the groundwork has been done. Communication has been revitalized, and bridges towards the restoring of the relationship have been built, you can deliver the powerful apology that holds much hope for the future.

In my e-Book explain in detail how to lay the ground work, revitalize broken communication and build bridges for restoring the relationship. I also explain in detail why an apology that says "Mistakes were made" or "It's all my fault" is dangerous and can destroy everything.

If you are serious about getting back your ex, you might want to check out my e-Book: Dating Your Ex - What You Can Do Tonight, Tomorrow And The Next Day To Get Your Ex Back

About Author: Internationally renowned Dating & Relationships Coach, Christine Akiteng has devoted years of her life re-uniting couples and has seen over and over again first hand what works. She has woven together solid-gold advice on just about every stage of getting back together with your ex to help you make the process less scary and shaky and more exciting and smooth as possible.

Change Can Lead To Letting Go

2008-01-13T20:53:00.000-08:00

What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor?

"Make me one with everything." When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill.

The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"

The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."

That Yogi must have felt betrayed, cheated and angry to be taken advantage of because of who he was.

Just what does that mean to you, change must come from within? Your loved one has left and YOU must change from within??

After being left behind by someone we thought would be there forever and always, changing our hearts, changing who we are, is a difficult thing to consider, much less do. Whether they left because of personal choice or because of death, the emptiness is the same.

Being left behind is like being in the middle of the swirls of water going down a huge drain. The "circling" leaves one dizzy and disoriented, unsure. An array of emotions floods the psyche.... fear, anger, resentment and even bitterness occur.

Anger is there because it happened, wondering why it happened and anger at oneself for not seeing the warning signs. ·
Fear of what unknown is lurking around the corner. ·
Bitterness that "it happened to me!" ·
Resentment that this singleness necessitated change, changes in finances, housing, friends, job choices and plans for the future. Changes not asked for.

Some results of Change

Change can be good.
Change is not always welcomed.
Change brings about new and perhaps untried experiences.
Change infers letting go.
Change can be good.

But, why is letting go so hard?

Letting go means giving up power, especially hard for an independent person. When we are accustomed to being in control of part of the "reins" we feel a little more confident, in charge, but when that power is gone, our self-confidence seems to slide away.

When the reins have been taken away from us, our next step is to learn to accept, and then trust.

Trust is a monumental task at times. It requires us to humble ourselves and admit someone else is in charge. Expecting someone to trust, who has been recently betrayed is expecting a great deal. We could liken it to a person who has picked up a hot frying pan and burned his hand. Chances are that he or she will use a "potholder" next time. A person who has been "burned" will have difficulty trusting even his/her own self, much less someone else. That "potholder" could translate to holding people at a distance, shielding one's heart from further pain .

How long this condition goes on, is up to the damaged person. He or she may choose to stew in their own juices for a period of time until they recognize that is a non-productive way of life. Holding on to bitterness, resentment, anger and fear does create a sort of juice in the body that can become toxic and turn on the body, in a form of illness. The choice to change that situation is strictly personal. Change succeeds only when it is accepted and looked forward to, as a new beginning.

So, how do we get past that "getting burned" to trusting again?

Learn all you can about trust. ·
Trust yourself to use good judgment. ·
Know in whom you are placing your trust.
Are they trustworthy? ·
How do you know? ·
What do you know about them? ·
Why should you trust them? ·
What do you have to lose if you place your trust in this person?
Are you fooling yourself?

Trust, wrongly placed, is just as destructive as pulling into your shell for a long period of time. Trust, like a seed, must grow at its own pace; the flower will not appear until the seed is fully matured. Taking time to get to really know the people in your life serves not only you, but takes the focus off of you and places it onto other people. Taking time to know others helps you to know you.

Pay attention to how much they pay attention to you.
Do you feel valued?
Are they interested in what and who you are?
Or are they still in the 15-year-old stage; does the world even extend past their own fingertips?
Is it all about them?

The closer you "pay attention," the better you will be at knowing who to trust and who not to trust.

You may even find that the changes in your life have become a good thing.

For more tips and tools on how to survive divorce and loss and make healthy relationship choices you are invited to visit http://www.butterflyintonewlife.com

Why Is Being A Nice Guy Such A Bad Thing - Discover Shocking Facts On Why Women Dislike Nice Men

2008-01-13T20:42:00.000-08:00

Are you a nice guy? Have you ever felt like you are being used or abused? But the main question here is that why is being nice so bad? Is being a nice guy really that bad that every women ends up dumping any man who acts nice? Well agree or disagree but the world knows that nice men always end up getting rejected and always finish last. No matter how much women might try to deny the fact is that they can't stand nice men when it comes to a long lasting relationship. Read on to discover some of the most amazing facts on why being a nice guy is bad.

Women love the killer attitude- You see nice guys tend to fall into the more feminine side where they are loving, caring and sharing but it does not mean that women don't want love. What women truly look for is a good mixture of a killer instinct and love. Nice men tend to overdo the part of loving and caring but women are looking for variety. Too much of anything is bad and the same law applies to nice men.

Women go for the best- You see every woman wants the best and something which is hard to find. This is where nice guys never last. Nice men are available almost everywhere in the society and where ever you go there are thousands of them already available. You see nice men are not able to compete with the best and end up losing the race.

Women want a man with a strong opinion- Nice men are so nice that they have no opinion of their own and tend to agree with the woman most of the times. If the woman says no than it should be no and if she says yes than it should be yes. This is normally how an average nice guy acts. You see women never get attracted unless they have to work for it and with nice guys they never have to work at all.

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but men absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover some of the most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know- 9 Most Shocking Secrets Women don't want men to know

Biggest Mistakes Which Most Men Make That Turn Women Off - Are You Making Them Too?

2008-01-12T00:17:00.000-08:00

Do you know what women like and what women don't like? Well you might think that you know what she prefers but the fact might be the exact opposite. You see most guys don't know what women want and don't know how to read the woman's mind. They might pretend that they like something when they actually think the opposite therefore it is very important to know that you are not doing anything which she does not like. Read on to discover some of the biggest mistakes most men make which tend to turn women off.

Having a big ego- Women do prefer men who have a healthy respect for themselves but they simply can't stand men who have a strong ego and feel they know it all when it comes to common things. You see some men tend to walk around with the Mr. know it all attitude thinking they would look all cool and smart but if you were to ask women this is probably one of the biggest turn offs on their list.

Not treating a woman like a woman- Some guys do not know how a lady is suppose to be treated and treat them with no or little respect. You see women prefer guys who know how to treat a woman like a woman. Learn to be a gentleman and give women the type of treatment they deserve.

Showing off- Some guys tend to flaunt a lot and show off a lot around women. You see it's good to have money as long as you don't brag about it in front of women. Bragging about something gives a very lousy impression which proves that you are an attention seeker trying to prove a point without any reason. Learn to be a bit laid back and be yourself. Don't try to be someone you are not.

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but men absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover some of the most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know- 9 Most Shocking Secrets Women don't want men to know

Do You Really Want To Impress A Woman? Then You Must Read This

2008-01-10T22:53:00.000-08:00

Alright guys lets put our brains in gear. Let's think this situation out. You like a girl and you want to chat her up. You feel you need to make an impression. Why because you want her to like you, correct?

What we are going to do is put ourselves in her shoes for a minute. Now I know as guys that we would love to have women lining up to chat to us. The reality is that is not necessarily how it works for a woman. Some more than others do get guys coming up to them but often times they are not necessarily the type of guys they like.

You could imagine yourself sitting there getting all these lines thrown at you - one after another to the point where you have had enough. So by taking a look at their situation you will better understand how to break the ice - how not to be the same.

You have certain unique qualities. If you go up there with chat up lines you are just doing the same as everybody else. On the other hand if you just are true to yourself and look her in the eyes you will at least for a moment have an opportunity to present your case.

Personally I like to get them talking. I do not ask personal questions. I am normally on the look out for things that are happening around me and then use that to start a conversation. This is far more indirect and does not put either party on the spot. Because you are aware of what is going on around you and have not put all the focus on her you have relieved some of the pressure.

When you get her to talk start to listen to her interests and build your conversation on that. Remember just let her do most of the talking. When you are listening that will impress her far more than when you are talking. When you listen you learn, when you are talking you are just repeating the same old stuff. This way you are not just there pushing your agenda groping all over her.

Learn what you NEED to know before approaching a woman

Ten Commandments to Win Over a Woman You can learn this and more with the " Guys Guide To Girls

In The Bulls Eye Of Untruth, Even Lies That Miss Hurt!

2008-01-10T22:49:00.000-08:00

At the age of four, I concocted a false story with the help of a cousin. That story got a schoolmate detention and licks. For 25 years I searched for that student to apologize, and when I found him, to my surprise he remembered nothing about the incident. Am I still paying for that misdeed, or am I reaping what I sowed?

I owned a popular nightclub in New York. My clients were flashy people who spent big bucks. You learned not to ask people what they did for a living-unless they volunteered. My part time security guard-a police officer handled the "leave your weapons at the door" routine. I pretty much knew who the licensed gun owners were. One of them asked me if I could pull a string for his wife to go to Hunter College in the evenings. I had signed up for a music theory class and told him about it during a casual conversation one evening.

After I got his wife registered, he asked me if I could drop his wife home for him, since he lived pretty close to my home. After a while, I would drive and sometimes he would use my car and I would ride home with his wife. I was always careful to call him on those nights in advance suggesting a drink before I continued home. Since I was not married then and he was, I changed courses to avoid even the hint of an affair or skulduggery.

Years later I opened another nightclub and my old neighbor showed up and told me that he and his wife were through. "Well," I said, "your timing couldn't be better. That night the ladies outnumbered the men by two to one." After I introduced him to my date that evening, he shifted gears. No longer was he interested in any other girl; he only had eyes-long eyes for my date.

"Why is your friend coming on to me so strong? She asked. To my surprise, when I told her to ask him, he told her "Your boyfriend and I always liked the same women." I felt ice run through my veins. "What in heavens was he talking about? I left that hanging for a while. One evening, I asked him about that comment and to my surprise he said to me: "My wife told me that she and you have had a thing going on." I almost died; nothing was farther from the truth.

On another evening, his ex-wife wondered into my nightclub alone. When she asked for me, I walked up to her and asked her bluntly: what is your game; why are you trying to get me killed? Did you tell your former husband what he told me? To my surprise she said that she had. I was so livid. I do not know how I did not have a coronary when she said: "For starters I wanted to make him jealous and the second reason I wanted it to happen." That was the last word I ever spoke to her.

Fast forward 5 years.

I returned to New York and called an old friend. She was unusually cold. The last time I called her was from my old neighbour's house. We were waiting to go to a radio station for an interview. Caller I.D's hadn't arrived in the U.S then, but they were available in Asia. My friend returned from his vacation and installed one. Unknown to me, he saw the number and apparently called it back. Whatever he told my friend, she never spoke to me again. It could not have been true. I only found out what could have transpired when another friend told me that an old neighbor delivered my gift. When I realized how far he had muddied my waters, I left New York. I packed it in.

There had been many more incidents. Some I have had to take to courts of law to resolve. I could write dozens of books on human behavior. As a result of those experiences, I guard my space, my energy, my privacy, and my reputation like a bulldog. I choose the invitations I accept; they are few, and far between. Behind many well-practiced grins, sharks lurk.

THE BULLS EYE FOLLOWS:

Years later, there I was--a confidential adviser to a head of state. It was customary for his close advisers to gather on Saturdays to enjoy the best booze--usually gifts from corporate donors and lobbyists--perks included in such job assignments. After about half a dozen drinks, the chief beckoned me to come to his private office. There I was, glass in hand. The chief did not take strong drinks. I did then: not anymore. Just then, a man who serves currently in an ambassadorial capacity came by.

To my surprise, right in front of the gentleman, the chief asked him about a specific piece of mischief he discovered. As I was about to excuse myself, the chief turned to me and said to the gentleman that I was the one who told him. I was so shocked. Then, the man, deeply embarrassed, confirmed that he was the cause of the mischief. I was livid. After the man left, I asked: "Chief, why did you tell the man that I told you so--that is not true." "Didn't you hear the man confess that he did what I accused him of? That is what soldiers are called to do--defend the chief at all times!" I swallowed hard.

The chief is now dead. However, the incident still lives in my mind. I have come to the conclusion that nothing I ever say could convince the man that I did not finger him. The Ambassador is still around. He is my friend now. He never asked me about the incident, and I never volunteered any information. I am sure that behind the curtains of National Security he has had to throw and receive many fiery darts. No wonder the wise God said there should be a separation between church and state.

Suggested readings: "The Golden Fleece Found by Basil Hill"
http://www.amazon.com/Golden-Fleece-Found-Basil-Hill/dp/1412043190

Attract Back Your Ex - How To Handle The Moving Very Close And Needing Space

2008-01-10T22:45:00.000-08:00

When you're trying to get back together with your ex, there will be times when you are acting like lovers again and then suddenly your ex starts treating you with distance. There will even be many times when your ex cancels date or calls but then seems so quick to get off the phone. And his or her explanation is that he or she just did not feel like calling or talking to you. Other times your ex will not want any sort of physical contact with you (hold your hand, kiss you or hug you). Don't' take these things to mean he or she is no longer interested in you or the relationship.

There may be feeling of distrust of your intentions, or a bit of his or her residual resentment from things that happened before and after the break-up. But whatever your ex's reasons for stepping back a little, if you are trying to cling to him or her in an attempt to force him or her to come back to you or you are constantly arguing with him or her, you will make getting back together almost impossible.

When people feel that they know what to expect, no matter what their experience they will frequently challenge the boundaries and try us out. They will push us to the limit on many an occasion. Some of this is indirect and unintentional but most men and women know exactly what they're doing.

My advice is to offer no resistance -- or as little as possible -- to his or her pulling and pushing. By offering no resistance you help him or her disperse a wide range of residual emotions such as, fear, anger, hurt, distrust, bitterness, guilt and grief. Often times all your ex needs is to know that you appreciate how he or she feels, you understand the situation, and you acknowledge his or her right to feel the way he or she does.

Because no pressure or resistance was found where expected your ex is subconsciously reassured that you and the relationship are not a threat or something to fear and you are not trying to hurt or destroy him or her.

Sometimes the biggest problem is getting your ego, insecurities and own residual anger out of the way -- it is much more difficult to respond positively because your own emotions are usually involved. And when your good intentions are rebuffed continuously it can start to feel like the sting and pain of rejection, abandonment and whatever else you have attached to your ex's moving very close and needing some emotional distance from you.

But if you don't become part of the problem by applying pressure, control, dirty tricks, reproaches, threats, ultimatums, sexual enticement, bribing with "too much" displays of affection etc., all the things that nurture continued resistance your ex will start to open up his or her heart once again.

The 3 Most Powerful Ways To Get Attract Any Women Despite Being Fat, Bald, Poor And Ugly

2008-01-10T22:15:00.000-08:00

How good would you feel if you were told that you could do anything and everything you want despite what you look like or your present financial condition? Sounds somewhat impossible but there are several men out there in the dating world who get to date the hottest women in town even when they are not worthy enough of them. You might have had dreams about dating hot women but have you ever dated one yet? Read on to discover some of the most mind blowing ways on how you can attract any woman possible despite what you look like and you financial condition.

Forget what you look like- Yes it might be difficult at first but this is something which will always be a big road block between you and hot women. You will never be able to attract women if you feel unattractive and not worthy enough inside. You see what ever you look like is just on the outside but what matters the most in life is what you are like on the inside and this is what determines your success with women.

You are what you feel you are- If you understand this simple phrase than you can do wonders in every field of life not only with women and dating. You see you are what you feel you are therefore if you feel you are not good enough than yes you are not good enough and it would reflect on your personality and women will easily pick that up. Whereas if you feel you are good and worthy enough than that would reflect on your personality and you would look confident and attract more girls than you ever thought possible before.

Develop other skills- You see your looks only account for ten percent of what's really needed to attract women. The rest ninety percent is determined by your attitude, confidence and the way you carry yourself. One asset you can really develop is the way you talk and what you talk about. You see conversation is something which can make you score big with almost any woman therefore learn to talk to as many people as possible and become someone who can talk about anything with anyone.

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but men absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover some of the most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know- 9 Most Shocking Secrets Women don't want men to know

4 Things You Should Never Say To A Woman- You Must Know Them Before It's Too Late

2008-01-10T22:14:00.000-08:00

Some guys do not know what he should say and what he should avoid when it comes to the matter of women and dating. Some men actually say things unknowingly which can lead to deadly consequences with women. You see women tend to have a list of things they like and what they dislike. There are things which they love to hear and at the same time things they simply want to avoid at all costs. Read on to discover things you should never say to a woman.

You look fat- Now this is a complete turn off. This single phrase can turn off almost any woman anywhere. Women want to feel attractive and want to be called attractive by men. Calling them fat would get you rejected within seconds.

She's hot- Never talk about other women in front of your lover or spouse. You see they might not react that very moment but inside they get really jealous and simply find it extremely hard to get over it. Always stay focused on the woman you are with instead of other women.

You talk too much- Well women love to talk no matter what the topic might be. But if she is talking a lot specially with you than it should never be a problem. You see some men say this in oblivion but women tend to take it very seriously and find it very hard to get over it.

Will you make out with me- Well this is the worst ever line you can ever use with any woman. You see if she is willing to make out with you than such a thing doesn't need to be said. But even if she is ready and you said this than she would most definitely be turned off and would never be willing to go for it.

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but men absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover some of the most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know- 9 Most Shocking Secrets Women don't want men to know

My Love Affair With A Miser

2008-01-10T22:10:00.000-08:00

We first met on a camping trip. It was love at first sight and we were married shortly afterwards. I was with my parents when I first saw him, he was sitting on a rock tossing pebbles into the water, and his shirt was off displaying a beautifully built upper torso. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He turned around and smiled at me, and I instantly melted. We were soon sitting on the same rock tossing pebbles into the water. My parents got the message and kept on walking. It was the perfect beginning of a great love affair. He lived alone in a studio apartment, and I met him there often. We both loved to take long walks in the evening and gaze at the stars. But he never took me out dancing or to a restaurant, I asked him why. He said he wanted to concentrate on me and the presence of others distracted him. I accepted that answer never thinking that he didn't like to spend money and that he was a cheapskate.

He had a masters degree in business administration and was now a top executive at a stock brokerage firm. His yearly income was well over three hundred thousand a year. And he saved almost every dollar he earned. His fellow workers told him to buy a new outfit because he has been wearing the same one for years. He refused saying he loved the one he had on. They took up a collection and got him a gift certificate at a leading clothing store. The next day he wore his new outfit to the office. The employees simultaneously applauded when he entered. This is the man that I fell in love with.

Some people don't like to spend money and they have every right to hold on tight to a buck. People say that they love money above everything else, but that is not true. Some of the most frugal people have a wide array of interests. Frugal people are seen in public libraries and parks. Many of them are sun worshippers and love the great outdoors. Most of them are helpful and very spiritual; generally they tend to be great conversationalists. The only thing that separates them from others is they hate to spend a buck, and that lifestyle annoys those that know them well.

We have been married for over five years, and now have a young child. The three of us are crammed into the same studio he had when I first met him. I asked him to find a larger apartment but he won't spend the money. The food shopping is done by him, and since he is a vegetarian, meat products are not allowed into the studio. Most of the shopping is done in a market that lets him gather up all the spoiled fruits and vegetables; he gets them for free claiming that they are for his rabbits. My man just hates to spend a buck. But he is still the great lover he was when I first met him, and also a wonderful guy. I would not trade him in for a big spender. I married a miser and am glad that I did.

Retired and single recluse

Discover Facebook, Baby Boomer!

2008-01-10T20:13:00.000-08:00

As a baby boomer myself, I was inclined to dismiss Facebook and the entire phenomenon of social networking with all its other websites as something for kids. However, I have recently come to appreciate its potential for us oldsters as well.

Having signed up, you can create your own community of friends. The beautiful part is that your community is effectively insulated from the rest of the Internet in that only people you have designated as your friends can send you e-mail and vice versa. In other words, NO SPAM. In fact, if your favored e-mail correspondents are also members, you can correspond with them via internal e-mail.

Yes, there are ads on Facebook, but they are small and confined to a specific area of the page, and we'd rather they weren't there, but advertisers cannot send you e-mails via Facebook. So goodbye to Nigerian fortunes, unwanted stock tips, and pharmaceuticals - especially the one that does a magical thing to one part of the male anatomy.

To continue, you create your Facebook community by inviting people to become your friends. An e-mailed invitation goes out to your invitee. They can accept or decline. Likewise, if someone invites you to be a friend, you have the option to decline to let him or her into your community. You will get an e-mail saying that someone has invited you to be a friend; you go to Facebook to exercise your option. If you fill out your profile, people with common interests can find you and ask to be a friend. Your notification e-mail (from Facebook) will contain a message about why they want to be your friend. If you don't want to be their friend, just say no. I do have several common interest friends in Australia, and I expect to have more in various parts of the world

You can share photos with your community and your community ONLY. Let those far-flung people share your Christmas and New Year celebrations! You can even share videos. And do lots of other things that I haven't figured out yet.

Facebook is not paying me to write this (alas). I wrote it because I could not find anything positive about Facebook for baby boomers specifically and people over 30 generally. I simply wanted to make it known that to be a member can be fun; it is what you make it. So far, only one of my ancient friends is also my Facebook friend. We have agreed that one goal for 2008 will be to understand more about how Facebook works. And I'm going to send this article to all of my old-fogey friends so that they will become my new-fogey friends as well!

How To Avoid The Pitfall Of Bad Habits In Your Relationships

2008-01-10T20:04:00.000-08:00

This is how can stop your change your behavior.. You need to set a goal for yourself to start acting in a better manner. Affirm your aims to yourself; and condition your subconscious mind to start acting better.

Affirming goals and conditioning your subconscious mind are tested and proven methods for self-improvement. They can help you change the way you think about doing what you are doing. It is a way to help you stop behaving in a manner that you, and people around you find insufferable. But you need to apply the procedures every day of your life.

Charles Haanel was one of the first to publish the "secrets" for self-improvement. He wrote the Master Key System, his best seller in 1912, at 46 years of age. It is a classic course in personal development and abundance. It tells you how to intentionally change the way you think, and you can apply the methods; so that you might be to change your faulty behavior forever.

Napoleon Hill based his best seller of all time, Think and Grow Rich (1937), on the work of Haanel. Napoleon modified the methodology, and developed a "Daily Creed" that was to be used with "Autosuggestion" in order to condition the subconscious, along with 10 additional steps. The methods could make it easier for you to change your behavior; you need to change your thought process.

You can get the work of Hill and Haanel Online. Simply go to your favorite search engine and enter either name. Both books are available in paperback and are affordable; even after paying for postage or air shipping.

Their philosophy really does work. The methods that they recommend can help you kick the habit after you consistently apply them.

J.Michael Brown was raised in an orphanage but he overcame the hardships that occurred, due to years of mental abuse. He found a way to happiness by applying methods, which are supported by the works of:

* Oprah Winfrey
* Napoleon Hill
* Charles Haanel, and others.

He earned a Master's Degree and plans to conduct research for a Ph.D., so he can help children. His book, Easy Way to Wealth includes methods that can help you:

* Lose weight
* Sleep at nighttime
* Quit bad habits
* Be popular
* And much, much more.

True wealth is not money alone. It includes happiness and how you feel about yourself. You could have a lot of money yet be sadly poor of happiness. You can do it the Easy Way: in your shorts and reclining in an armchair or while lying on your bed.

Learn more about it at http://www.eMoney101.com

Get these books FREE:

* Make a Fortune with No Experience
* Build a Website Step by Step
* Where to Advertise on the Internet
* Plus get FREE software.

Get them now at http://www.eMoney101.com

Attracting Your Ex Back - Getting Past No To Getting Yes

2008-01-10T18:36:00.000-08:00

Too many attempts at a romantic love-reunion go wrong not because the other person does not want to give the relationship another try but because the confrontational dialogue or aggressive type approach used time and again by many men and women when trying to get their ex back repeatedly damages -- often irreparably-- the so vital early stages of reconciliation.

Confrontational dialogue can play out any number of ways, but it essentially includes preparation for confrontation or resistance, viewing the situation solely from one's perspective and attacking the person rather than addressing issues and problems. The likelihood that the exchange will be skewed towards a destructive direction is very high because of the posturing, hidden agendas, and inflammatory language used to try and force a desire outcome.

If confrontational dialogue or aggressive type approach is your default communication style, you're going to find it difficult (if not impossible) to get your ex back. When you see your ex as an opponent to be overpowered or an enemy to be defeated you find your mind set on trying to get things to go your way and your way alone. Sensing this, your ex will become defensive and go on the warpath. Hostility becomes the norm of interaction as each person quickly becomes distrustful and suspicious of the other's actions.

Quiet often both of you will dig in your heels and refuse to budge, making it difficult for both of you to recognize that you want the same things. You wind up fighting over every little thing; important issues get distorted and something that started as an attempt to resolve differences and restore the relationship turns into a big ugly disagreement.

Confrontational dialogue includes continuing to insist talking to someone who has expressed that they are either unable or unwilling to talk at the moment; lashing out and aiming hurtful comments at your ex; demanding that your ex correct a certain behavior or insisting that if only your ex was less emotional and more logical he or she would see that you are right and they are wrong.

Using words like the ones below can also quickly get the two of you disagreeing rather than agreeing:

"You never..."
"You always..."
"I knew you'd say that!"
"You are the one who.... Remember?"
"I wasn't going to but you...."
"Is that really necessary?"
"If you don't come back in two weeks, I will start seeing other people!"
"If you don't want to get back together, you can forget about being friends."

Once you go this road you've pretty much sealed your fate. Every confrontation, no matter how small it seems to be, builds up resistance and resentment. And the resistance may not necessarily be resistance to you or what you are saying but resistance to your communication style.

Can you remember as a child being persistently hounded with why can't you ever do this and do that, accused of something, forced to listen or apologize, or threatened with consequences by a parent or teacher, and finally saying, "Okay, whatever you say, can I go now?"

It doesn't work with children and it certainly won't work when you are dealing with an adult. The two of you are either going to get into a shouting match or your ex will just refuse to talk or even walk away.

You have to use an approach that will establish a successful dialogue; you have to behave as human being talking to other human being and adult taking to adult. You might not get exactly what you want (at that specific time), but at least you will be heard -- respected and even admired (once again).

Will Your Ex Come Back Or Contact You Again If You Use No Contact?

2008-01-10T18:34:00.000-08:00

I have read a lot of articles and even books where people recommend going "No Contact" so that your ex misses you and wants you back. But does going NC really bring your ex back?

Sometimes "absence makes the heart grow fonder" but sometimes "out of sight, out of mind" applies too.

Sure, occasionally, there's a chance that "no contact" may make the other person second-guess their decision to end the relationship because they miss talking to you or doing "stuff" with you. And if you want to teach them a lesson and possibly turn the tables a little bit then "no contact" will piss him or her off enough to contact you and (seemingly) want you back in an attempt to turn back the tables (power-plays), or may be it'll make him or her feel insecure and threatened (essentially manipulating them into it) because like everyone else, being rejected is not a pleasant experience.

But is this the right way to get your ex back?

Personally, I don't think so -- for three strong reasons.

1. If the reason your ex broke up with you in the first place is because you were controlling, clingy, needy, smothering him or her and jealous or overly dependant, you can only pull off a "no contact" strategy until your ex makes just one call or sends you just a single email (seemingly desiring contact) and you are back into an emotional tailspin (crying, begging, pleading, persuading, coarsing, threatening etc) leading to another depressive breakdown. You're better off working on why you are attention seeking, plainly immature, insecure, needy and overly dependant in the first place. The other option is to move on with your life. "No contact" is a really good way of getting over someone.

2. If the reason your ex broke up with you in the first place had to do with your infidelity, lies or secrets, you were not attentive to his or her needs, there was lack of communication etc.), running away to the caves in the pretext of a "no contact' rule is cowardly at best and immature at worst. It just reinforces in his or her mind the reason you are broken up in the first place. Why should he or she make the move to get back someone who cheats, lies, is not attentive to his or her needs, can't communicate, and won't even face up to his or her mistakes and clean up the mess they made?

3. It's not worth the trouble to try and win back someone who only is interested in you because they miss the conversations and good times (and the sex); because they feel insecure and threatened, or because they are lonely and bored, or because of some twisted sense of (illusionary) power. That's a red flag right there.

I realize that power-plays, manipulating and preying on the insecure happens so frequently to the extent that it's almost accepted (and encouraged) in today's dating culture, but I also know that those kinds of comebacks don't stand the test of time.

I know of many men and women who've used ignoring their ex, "acting" really happy, and looking really "hot" to get their ex back. After a few weeks or months the ex will call (because they had a bad day or something) saying their life was miserable and they wanted to give the relationship another try. The manipulation worked, but a few days, weeks or later their ex turns around and says they don't think the relationship is what they really want. Some others after being ignored for a while come back and start flirting like crazy only to shut down and not return phone calls or reply to emails.

So yes, although you may get your ex back, it's only a matter of time before they are gone again. It is a temporary phase. Ask around, almost anyone who got their ex back with "no contact" or "acting aloof" will tell you that they broke up again.

My point here is: the decision to create physical and emotional distance should be based on whether the benefits of temporally cutting off all contact (from a functional standpoint) outweigh the cost of staying connected. If staying in contact is causing you more pain than you can handle it may be to your best interest to remove yourself from someone who is causing you the greatest hurt of your life and the situation that is making you unable to function as well as you should.

This is a decision you make for your own mental and emotional health (I discuss how to implement this without alienating your ex in my e-Book). When you feel independent, confident and desirable again, your ex will be more receptive to you not because you cut off all contact but because you stopped expecting your ex to give you something he or she couldn't give. Instead you took the time to heal, grow and become a whole wonderful caring loving attractive stable secure-in-yourself partner.

If you have a choice in the matter, my advice is stay connected especially if you are already on friendly terms. It makes no sense to jeopardize an existing friendly relationship with your ex for some very risky-slim-chance "no contact" strategy. You'll need that open channel of communication as the entry point for attracting back your ex.

Does Your Ex Want You Back Or Are You Being Used?

2008-01-10T18:06:00.000-08:00

Occasionally I get calls from men and women who want to know if their ex is using them and before I can even answer, they get into "He/she is really a good person, I really don't think he/she is using me... I guess he/she is looking deep down in his/her heart to find out what he/she really wants and with whom."

And when I ask, "Is this what he/she is telling you?" Their reply is "No, I just know him/her. He/she is not that kind of person."

At this point I am thinking to myself, "So why are you calling me to ask me if I think your ex is using you?"

When you can't fool even yourself anymore, it's definitely past "make-believe".

Just because you really want to believe something doesn't mean that you should read more "love" into his or her actions than there is. For all there is, those signs that he or she wants you back could be wishful thinking more than anything else.

The really sad part about being stringed along is that it lures you into a false sense of hope. Since he or she hasn't done anything to make you feel otherwise you sort of get the idea that there might actually be a second chance, and you keep on waiting --forever. You might even discover after "waiting" endlessly that he or she has a potential lay lined up but wants you to be on a string just incase it doesn't work.

If you suspect that your ex is using you, chances are they are...

If you are getting very mixed signals, sit up!

1. He or she seldom -- if ever -- compliments you even when you take extra time to make yourself especially attractive to him or her. Your ex doesn't even look at your admiringly when you go out.

2. He or she is so sweet when you are together (and when you are having sex) but when you are apart, he or she ignores you -- never bothers to call and doesn't seem to care at all what's happening in your life.

3. If it's been over three months of "it's there but not quite there yet" and you are still the one always emailing and calling him or her. You never receive anything from him or her. He or he rarely -- if at all -- initiates contact.

4. You barely have a meaningful conversation and your calls never last more than 5 minutes on the phone. And if they do, it's because he or she has had a rough day and wants an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on.

5. Before the break-up, he or she took you to meet his or her friends, and invited you to family BBQ's and office Christmas parties, but since the two of you have been seeing each other again, you've not been invited to meet friends or family. It's like your ex doesn't want people close to him or her to know that the two of you are "back together".

6. He or she spends more time hanging out with friends than he or she spends with you.

7. You never really talk about "us". Most of your communication is in "I" or "you" and not much "we" -- except when you are disagreeing on something.

8. You are supporting your ex financially -- money, accommodation, bills and you pay for most of your dates etc.

These are very strong signs that should tell you that you are being used. But don't jump at straws --it will only send your mind into a loop. Ask your ex what the real deal is.

There is a possibility that your ex is:

1) Just testing you to see if he or she can once again trust you with his or her heart;

2) Is confused about your change, may be or she didn't expect you to be different (totally loving person) from the person he or she broke up with in the first place;

3) Feeling that things are happening too soon and too quickly for him or her;

4) Still wants to be friends and maybe have something later on in the future.

5) Needs your financial support until he or she can get on his or her own feet (that is if at all they've ever been on their two feet without leaning on someone else).

BUT there is also that possibility that your ex is using you and stringing you along.

You'll never know if you don't find out -- by asking the right way.

There isn't that much of an incremental risk in terms of rejection pain anyway. If anything it will clarify where things actually stand, and help you move forward one way or another from the confusing place where you are now.

If you are interested in learning how to get past "no" to getting "yes" without coming across as pushy, needy or controlling, you might want to check out my e-Book: Dating Your Ex - What You Can Do Tonight, Tomorrow And The Next Day To Get Your Ex Back!

Holiday Hurting Heart

2008-01-09T19:56:00.000-08:00

There is nothing like the holidays to remind you of what you have lost. When true love leaves a scar on your heart, the holidays have a way of ripping open the wound and feelings seem to spill everywhere. Suddenly, you are yelling at your secretary or impatient with small children and pets. Any bounce left in you disappears along with patience and compassion. Your heart is aching and the pain is overwhelming. Every Holiday song, television commercial or film reminds you that you are lonely and miserable. The spirit of giving is nowhere to be found. Your instincts are to curl up in a ball and wait out the holidays beginning in November, especially the most treacherous of all, New Years Eve. Here are a few ways to cope with the Holidays and your hurting heart.

Stop Running. Stop. Go somewhere alone and feel. You may be trying so hard to avoid the old memories that you are prolonging the pain. You may need a good cry and presto, you feel good again.
Skip the Booze. Alcohol is a depressant. Right now, you need to feel better, not, worse. Pass on the cocktails and take a forty-minute walk until you sweat. Your body will feel relived.
Gather. Isolation is good for a short time, especially, if you are balling your eyes out. Then you need friends and family around so you won't feel so alone. Avoid isolating yourself just because you are bad company.
Continue. You have a right to love and think about anyone that you want to. You never have to stop loving someone even if he or she is dead or remarried. As long as you are not bothering them, you can adore them forever.
Recover. This too shall pass. People recover from terrible pain, but it takes time. You will feel better gradually. Imperceptibly, the bounce will return to your step and your smile will brighten your face once more. Love can come again and it will. Be kind to yourself in the meantime.

Introducing the new relationship compatibility test, Match Lines Systems for Successful Relationships for Singles, Couples and Business by psychology expert, Dr. Molly Barrow. Official website: http://www.DrMollyBarrow.com Find love and healthy relationship advice for dating, pre-marital, marriage, and business relationships. Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is the author of the new book, "Matchlines: A Revolutionary New Way of Looking at Relationships and Making the Right Choices in Love," ISBN 159507158X. As an authority on relationship and psychological topics; a member of the American Psychological Association, Screen Actors Guild, and Authors Guild and is a licensed mental health counselor, Dr. Molly has appeared as an expert in the film, My Suicide, documentaries Ready to Explode and KTLA Impact, NBC news, PBS In Focus, WBZT talk radio and in O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, The Nest, MSN.com, Yahoo, Match.com, N Magazine, Women's Health, Harvard Business School, Women's World and Shrink About This columnist Menstuff.

Your Ex Wants To Be Friends, But You Want More - How Do You Get Your Ex Back?

2008-01-09T19:53:00.000-08:00

I get asked this question a lot and over the years that I have coached people to attract back their ex, I've quite a lot of excellent advice on the topic.

If your ex is open to spending time together (or going out on dates), keep it friendly but do not offer "Let's to be just friends" in the hope that your ex will think "Oh! You are so wonderful. I want you back!" Even with your other friends you are not romantically involved with, you didn't go up to them and say, "Let's be friends". The friendship kind of happened naturally over a period of time.

When you say to your ex "let's just be friends" he or she might assume that all you really want is to be "friends" and this will later on make it so hard to ask them if they want to get back together without your ex feeling "tricked". Be friendly but don't offer to be "just a friend". You want more than that -- so set your eyes on the goal.

If your ex offers to be friends for a start, don't get all worked up because of all the information you read about how it is impossible to transition from friends to lovers. It may just be that he or she is not yet ready to quickly jump into a situation that may cause hurt again. For now, accept that friendship is all your ex has to offer you. Being friends means that the door is still open for you. If the door remains open your ex may one day come back in. Instead of getting all stressed, worried and frustrated with his or her decision to be friends to begin with, look at this as an opportunity for you to prove to your ex that you are indeed a different and improved person.

The greatest loves are built on strong friendships. If you're not friends, and best friends at that, then the relationship won't stand all the other problems that come with living with someone else.

Just make sure that it's clear to your ex that the reason you are together again is to try and become lovers again. Say something along these lines:

"You know how I feel about you and that I want us to be more than just friends, but if being friends for a start will bring us closer, I am willing and ready to give this relationship all I got. Let's see if by keeping in regular contact and spending some time together, we can rekindle what we had when we first met. I think that this might be some of the best times we've shared in a long time."

This way, your ex knows that you'd rather be back together immediately but you are not going to rush him or her into anything he or she isn't ready for yet. But more importantly it gives a promise of something your ex can look forward to.

If your ex begins to object to keeping in regular contact and spending some time together to try to rekindle the love you had then you know that saying he or she wants to be friends for a start was just a polite way of saying. "I am not interested in you romantically, but I'd like us to be friends."

On the other hand, if your ex agrees to your proposition, accept being friends for a start and make the most of it. Take advantage of this opportunity to showcase all the changes you've made since the two of you broke up. This is when you do all those important things that will cause your ex to rethink "being friends" and open up the possibility of something more. The goal for you is to fan the feelings of "liking" and edge them towards the limits of the "just friends zone" to the realm of romantic feelings.

If you do this right, you are half way to being back together -- and it'll kind of happen naturally over a period of time. No sweating it and no forcing it. Nothing could be easier.

If you are serious about getting back your ex, you might want to check out my e-Book: Dating Your Ex - What You Can Do Tonight, Tomorrow And The Next Day To Get Your Ex Back.

Who Wants to be a Coward?

2008-01-09T19:44:00.000-08:00

No one wants to be a coward, so if we know what it takes to be a coward, perhaps we can avoid becoming one!

When we read books or articles on how we can improve, or self-help books that tell us how we can help ourselves, we are in a twilight zone of assumptions and speculation. To get real, all we need to do is look at ourselves - what we are doing now and how we were acting yesterday - this is where we learn. When we look away from what we really are, it is because admitting what we really are is too painful. Instead, we lose ourselves in books and imaginations of what we should be, then, instead of seeing and facing our cowardice, we imagine ourselves as heroes. The problem with this is that until we see and acknowledge our cowardice, it will not change. So the first step in avoiding cowardice is seeing it.

How we conduct ourselves in relationship with others indicates our state of mind. If we come from a controlling place where everything has to be our way, we are displaying our cowardice because while cowards hide behind their concepts and hypothesis, heroes have their eyes wide open at all times for new possibilities. When we hide behind beliefs and theories at the expense of seeing what is happening at this very moment, or what is real, we display our fears. If our beliefs foster guilt, repression, fear, hatred, separation, sectarianism, and judgementalism rather than creating love, compassion, forgiveness, and true generosity, and if this is what we are teaching our children by our actions; then we will lose our children, as well as our own souls.

We remain hostage to fear when we hide from anything, especially our deep psychological tendencies that we have cultivated over a lifetime. In order to become free from these tendencies and become what all of these self-help books suggest, we must find a general freedom; this is the bottom line. To become free, however, involves facing our tendencies head on, and this means acknowledging them. If we can't admit them or if we actually enjoy our subtle, controlling, manipulative ways, no self-help book in the world will help, and even worse; if we are the type that feels we need no help at all, well . . . then we are probably beyond help. In that case, we must learn the hard lessons on our own; the lesons that our karma will churn out

Authentic freedom is never freedom from; it is always just . . . freedom. Freedom is a state of mind - boundless and uninhibited - the mind of a hero. The mind of a coward is suspicious and fearful all the time; fearful of new ideas, different thoughts and anything that disturbs its delusions.

Authentic freedom, on the other hand, is a release from all of this. Authentic freedom is the opposite of attempting to keep things from changing, because things do in fact change regardless of our most committed attempts to keep things the same. Conservatism, if looked at closely, is filled with fear - the fear of change. For a moment, think about what it is that we are fearful of. Why do we constantly pick up one self-help book after another, and they never help for long? It's because we never get to the root of our problems.

If we study ourselves in depth, which is a form of meditation, we would quickly discover what it is that we are fearful of; which is simply not being happy. But instead of exploring our unhappiness and fear, we attempt to become free from fear . . . and embrace happiness. This doesn't work. Only in the " seeing" of our fear and our unhappiness, followed by the acceptance of our fear and unhappiness, offers the possibility of transcending both.

For it's only when we stop trying to cultivate bravery and reject cowardice, and instead accept what we are in every moment, fully and unabashedly, does the possibility exist of changing ourselves fundamentally.

And therein lies the possibility of freedom.

Why Can't Women Stand Emotional Men? - Are You One Of Them?

2008-01-09T19:38:00.000-08:00

Throughout time men have always been seen as the stronger sex and are known to be the backbone of the family. Men are not known for being emotional and letting their emotions out in public. But with the passing time it's beginning to get into a zone where men do share their emotions publicly and are sometimes can be as emotional as women. But why is it that most women call emotional men as losers and they always end up getting rejected? Read on to discover why women can't stand emotional men and what can be done to improve it.

Women like power- Women are attracted towards power and often like dominant males who know what they want out of life and don't cry when something does not go their way. The times might have changed but women still look at emotional men the same way and don't want to carry the emotional baggage. No woman likes a man who cries about problems and get emotional on every small issue. Women prefer men who know how to take a stand for themselves and are problem solvers not the one's who are problem creators.

Women like fighters- Emotional men are known to give up too early which is something women don't like. Women want men who can fight their way out of any situation rather than just crying over how bad it is. Emotional men tend to discuss their problems way to often and get hurt when they are asked to keep pushing. Remember never ever cry or complain in front of a woman as that very moment she would lose all respect for you no matter what you might do afterwards. But once she has seen this side of you she would never think of you the same way.

Women want security- This is probably one of the major reasons why most women can't stand emotional men. Women want security from their partner but how can an emotional guy provide security and support when he can't even control himself emotionally. Remember mental strength is more important than physical strength when it comes to relationships and getting a family. Commitment is a tough job and if a man is emotional and not good enough to take decisions and stick by them how can he ever satisfy a woman's needs in the present day society? Men have been known to be tough and the one's who actually wear the bigger pants in the family therefore you should know your role and stick to it to the best of your ability. Therefore learn to keep control of yourself and every situation would be under your control automatically.

What you don't know yet- Do you know the true secrets you must know in order to succeed with women? Do you know that there is a secret women don't want men to know? This would make women run after you like crazy and beg you for dates even if you are fat, bald or ugly. It Will Turn You Into The Guy That Women Go Crazy Over And Want To Date And Sleep With! It's an absolute must know for you in order to succeed with women. Read on to discover- The Most Shocking Secrets Finally Revealed

Get Back Your Ex Now!

2008-01-09T19:03:00.000-08:00

Going through a breakup is rarely anyone's idea of a good time...for a lot of people it's almost impossible to overcome, and they just sit around on the couch for a month or two, moaning into one gallon bucket of ice cream after another. If that's how you want to live your life, cool...go right ahead. Otherwise, have a look at what I have to say.

Your first step to getting your ex back needs to be changing your mind, and your outlook on life. We generally change our minds about 30 times a day anyways, so put that skill to use. If you take the wrong perceptual approach to a breakup, you're just going to sink into depression and gain nothing from the pain. If you look at it the right way, however, you can forge that raw feeling into something that really helps you turn things around: motivation.

Don't keep looking at things like they "happened to you." This is called passive self-victimization. Okay, so I made that up, but it's a good name for what you're doing to yourself if you see your ex as the "bad guy" or beat yourself up continuously over the things that caused you to lose out on your relationship. Take responsibility for the things you did that resulted badly, but don't let yourself think that there's nothing you can do.

A breakup generates a lot of emotion and energy, and if you're playing "sobbing couch potato" all that energy is just flowing (perhaps "seeping" would be a better term) out of you and into the gutter. Convert that energy into powerful motivation for getting off your butt and doing something about your situation. The best motivation comes when you realize what consequences your actions can have, so use this hard experience to drive you to succeed in your struggle for relationship happiness.

Take a frown and turn it upside down. Take this separation as a lesson to be learned (or in some cases quite a few lessons). Congratulations, you are officially an expert on what DOESN'T work for keeping a relationship from going south. Use that knowledge. Analyze your relationship, and figure out just what it was that ended up torpedoing the bond between you and your ex.

When you've come up with a list of about 20-50 things you could improve on (I'm sure your ex could find that many), it's time to get busy correcting your problems. I can't help you solve every single problem, only you can do this...all I can say is that you need to dedicate yourself to this, and really work to make things work. If you try to go back to your ex as the same person who got dumped, you're just going to have your heart broken again, and probably mess up any chances you may have had.

After you've identified and fixed the major problems that fouled up your relationship, it's time to start trying to get your ex back. Your first contact should be light and generally non-aggressive, a phone call or email seeing how things are going is a pretty common start. The important thing to remember when building your relationship back up is not rushing things and frightening your ex off...you need to feel out your ex's feelings on the two of you and pace yourself accordingly.

Remember that even if your ex is mad at you, he or she probably doesn't hate you...and most of time breakups aren't the cold flat-drops you see in the movies. More than likely you'll be faced with a person who still loves you and wants to be with you, but just can't handle the stress of the relationship. It's up to you to remove that stress while keeping the happinesses, and if you can pull that off you two could go far. Stop being so depressed and afraid of rejection...get out there and give it your best!