7-Step Foolproof Guide to Creating a Terrible Relationship

No one SAYS they want a terrible relationship, yet so many people go about creating them that we need to assume they must WANT them! So, here's my 7 Step foolproof guide to creating a terrible relationship.

1. Take no responsibility for your own feelings

Make sure that you do not take responsibility for your own feelings and your own sense of safety and security. Make sure that you ignore your feelings enough so that you create an empty black hole inside that needs to be filled up by sex, things, or by someone else's love or attention.

2. Find someone to do it for you

Look for someone to fill your emptiness, someone to make you feel loved, happy, safe and secure. A good way to determine if this is the right person is if he or she comes on REALLY strong, promising you the world, or at least great sex.

3. Once you find the right person, be sure to behave in one of the two following ways:

a. Completely give yourself up

Completely put yourself aside, focusing all your attention on the other person's feelings and needs. Your hope is that if you are wonderful enough and sacrifice yourself enough, the other person will give you the love you are seeking. Be sure to completely ignore your own feelings and needs, no matter what the other person does. Be the best caretaker you can be to try to have control over getting the other person's love and approval.

b. Demand the other person live up to your expectations

Start slow, gradually building to becoming more and more demanding of the other person. If he or she doesn't meet your expectations, be sure to criticize, blame, chastise, berate, threaten, ignore, yell at, belittle, lecture, debate, and argue with your partner. Your job is to gain control over getting the other person to completely give him or herself up and focus only on filling your emptiness and needs with their love, approval, attention, sex, devotion, time, and adoration. Be the best taker you can be, making sure to keep your partner feeling guilty and responsible for your feelings of security and self-esteem.

4. Be the victim

As your relationship starts to decline, move more and more into thinking and behaving as a victim of the other person's choices. This will lead to more fights or to distance, lack of passion, lack of fun, and a complete inability to communicate about anything, even minor situations. In any discussions, be sure to seek to be right, win your point, and make your partner wrong. After all, this is a competition for who is the good one and the right one. Or, just collapse and give in, a great way to be a victim.

5. Withdraw

Start to spend less and less time with your partner, spending it alone or with other people, or in front of the TV. Convince yourself that your misery is completely your partner's fault, and that you picked the wrong person, again. NEVER EVER take any responsibility for your own feelings, needs, behavior, and choices. Never forget that you are the victim.

6. Get your partner into counseling

Seek counseling to get your partner to change. Do NOT enter counseling to deal with your own controlling behavior of being a taker or caretaker. Rather, be sure to tell the therapist everything your partner does wrong, using the therapist's office as just another arena to prove that you are right and your partner is wrong, or you are the good one and your partner is the bad one.

7. You did it!

Congratulations! You have succeeded in creating a terrible relationship! Now you can miserably and righteously leave your partner and do the whole thing again! You get to complain to all your friends about what a terrible person your ex-partner is and get sympathy for all you've been though. What a reward for all your hard work!

Relationship Advice - Should You Ask Friends For Advice?

Friends are special. They give us lots of pleasure and support. They make us feel good. They care about us. And they want us to be happy.

Should we ask them for advice on our relationships? Well, some people fear they have nowhere else to turn, so they ask their friends or relatives what they should do about their relationships.

The Best Policy

Yes, a friend may offer sound advice, but no one can tell you what's right for you or your relationships. Relationship decisions are best left up to you.

Although friends may be eager to help, they can only speak from their experience, their beliefs and values, and the perspective of their relationship history.

Your perspective will be different.

Your friends and family members will not have the experience with your particular situation. Their counsel will come from their own situations and life experience.

Plus, we often put our friends in the position of telling us what we want to hear -- or confirming our thinking on a given subject: it is sometimes hard for a friend to shoot straight with us.

It is usually the best policy to draw upon your own personal experience, inner resources and the direction provided by your own conscience when making decisions about your relationships. You can accept all the advice in the world, but when it comes down to it, you have to decide for yourself.

Some People Want Someone To Tell Them What To Do

Some people seek the advice of a psychic in matters of the heart . . . or someone who will tell them what to do. Wouldn't that make life so much easier if we could make others responsible for our own hard decisions?

But no one can speak from your experience or address your needs better than you.

What You Can Do

Trust yourself.

Consult your heart and muster the courage to make your own decisions about your life -- you're the one who has to deal with the consequences of your decisions.

Benjamin Franklin said there are three hard things in life: steel, diamonds and knowing oneself. OK, so maybe he left off tungsten . . . but you get the point.

Strive to know yourself and make your own decisions. Your life will be so much better.

To make your relationship decisions easier, try a simple formula I often share with my clients: listen to yourself . . . and that includes your heart, head and conscience.

How To Overcome Jealousy In Romantic Relationships

May be you are too jealous but as you might have realized, it does not come by choice. It is a strong emotion which works you up to regrettable levels. May be you are the kind of a person that does very stupid things at the heat of the moment and you are left embarrassed. You might spot your lover with a prospectus boss, start hailing abuses and may be even get physical. This is a dangerous level which might drive your lover away from you unless it is kept in check. To overcome jealousy in romantic relationships in romantic relationships, you must first of all discover the root of the disturbing emotion. Did she cheat on you once? Does the other person shower him with overflowing favors? It will do you good if you understand the root of insecurity.

To overcome jealousy in romantic relationships in romantic relationships, learn how to handle competition. Attractive people are approached for dating all the time. Accept what you cannot change and walk around it. To remain top on the list you must be able to beat others who might be in competition for her/his love. Jealousy will only eat you up and leave you feeling bad, sad and unloved. Do not walk in the shadow of ignorance. If you do not reveal your jealousy, you will learn so much about your lover. He/she will voluntarily tell you about who is chasing after him or her but just with a light touch. Your reaction might determine what should be communicated to you in the future. If you are abreast with his/her admirers you are way step ahead because you have a chance to beat them before they start their game. To overcome jealousy in romantic relationships encourage openness in a relationship.

To overcome jealousy in romantic relationships, talk about it. When your lover knows that it is makes you uneasy when you are in a company of some people, he/she is a position to do a lot to save you the agony. She might start flirting with you when the company is around and may be the public show of affection will reduce your insecurity thus help you overcome jealousy in romantic relationships. She is best placed to assure you her love and take it a step further by announcing it to the whole world. Do not die with your feelings. Confess what your love for her is driving at. Chances are it will do you more good than harm. Off course when you declare your emotions it will be a sure sign of love and affection towards her.

Why i encourage communication is because some things we do as human beings are intentional. Your lover might be subjecting you to so much heartache in a mission to prove a thing. These are games lovers play. Some believe that a jealous lover is a true lover. Due to the rising levels of betrayal and malice in the dating scene, people are keen to look for real love. She might be raining praises about another gentleman just to watch your reaction. If you respond positively, the subjection stops and life continues. If you consider it a weakness and persevere you are subjected to more. Do not overcome jealousy in romantic relationships on your own. Involve your lover and you might even discover it was not your weakness after all.

How To Live Dating Life To The Fullest As A Single Parent

Single parenthood is a challenge and i have all due respect for all the single parents. Kudos single parents! You are to be admired. You were brave enough to leave that jerk of man. If you are a man you deserve to be congratulated since you did not fear the responsibility of bringing up the kids. I sincerely love your guts. Being single does not mean that you have to deny yourself some worldly pleasures. You need them to live a full dating life because that is why you left your spouse after all. You must have realized that something was missing in your life. You can simply get that one thing which can add glory to your life as a single parent and ensure that you are living your life to the fullest.

What are the circumstances that led to your separation with the mother or father to your kids? However weighty is the matter, put it at the back of your mind and establish a new foundation for your dating life. It has no rehearsals and a mistake is a mistake when we refuse to see it as an experience to learn from. You might have encouraged a relationship which withdrew a lot from you but you should learn to never say die. That should be the spirit to help you live a dating life to the fullest as a single parent. Did your partner leave you because you were poor? Do not lower your self esteem over such opinions because it will only take you down the drain. May be your partner left you wondering why she/he had to leave. You thought you were the best lover but you were proved wrong. Those might be disturbing thoughts and assumptions but do not even go there. You are better than that. You can still love and be loved if you allow yourself to.

Have you ever noticed that the more you love yourself the more others love you? It is not a myth but a fact. This is because you have so much love for yourself and you can share out the surplus. When you love people, they reciprocate and love you back. As a single parent you need this thing called love all the time. You need to have enough of it to love your kids and compensate for them what their other parent would be giving them. If there is anyone who needs to live dating life to the fullest then it has to be you.

I really need you single parent to break out of your cocoon and start having fun in dating. I understand it is easy to say i will never love again after being left as a single parent but hey, is your partner still single? There are many people out there who can give you unimaginable happiness. If love comes your way, love like you have never been hurt before. Believe in love and you will live dating life to the fullest. If you say you will never date in fear of break up and heartaches, then you will never have fun. people come our way for a reason and once it is accomplished they have to leave. If it was not for your partner you would not be having that little baby that keeps you smiling all the time.

Why I Think It Is Wise To Make A Confession in Relationships

Human is to error, we do it all the time. It is so natural. The problem comes in when we dwell so much in our mistakes. This does not leave behind the area of relationships. If anything it is the most affected. Is confession in relationships important in our lives? Should you reveal your past to your lover? Should you reveal about a past affair? Is it better left unsaid? These and more are some of the questions which flood the floor of dating debates. Why should it be so easy to confess our love for each other, how generous we are and fail to talk about our little or big secrets? It leaves everything to chance.

Revealing your past is important to your partner if you are hoping to go far. He/she would rather hear it from you rather than hear it from a third party. The revelation that you are hiding something from your lover paralyzes all the feelings and break any existing bond. The consequences are so severe that i would rather you tell him early enough. A great hindrance to confession in relationships is that many people put a front when they start dating. They walk in other people's shoes and hide their true identity. Before they even know it the relationship is established and it is then that it becomes so hard to confess their real self to their lovers in fear of being rejected.

For instance many women do not go around telling every interested lover that they have a kid. In their assumptions, such a revelation would spoil the fun of the moment. This is most common with campus girls. They fear to be stereo typed by these gentlemen because they are mothers. This is a big mistake. What will happen to your solid relationship when you are out of campus? Should you terminate your relationship to save your face? How will your lover feel once the truth is out in the open? You would have owned up to your baby from the word go. Such a confession in relationships should be done prior to any plans of your life together.

If you are a married man you will agree with me that it is very hard to move on with your marriage relationship after an affair. It actually requires a lot of grace from God. You have strayed enough and now you are back home with the revelation that your partner is the best lover you could ever get. It becomes harder especially if you were rude and harsh to her just because you were outsourcing some love. Will you move on like nothing happened? Such confession in relationships help married couples to collect the pieces and move on. It would be good if you apologize and explain the facts which pushed you away. This will prevent another similar instance. Explain why you are back to stay and forge a way forward. If you do not confess your sins, the guilt won't let you relate well with your partner. The declaration that your significant other has forgiven you makes it easy to move on and restrict you to a morally straightened relationship.

How to Benefit From Your Workplace-Business Relationships

You are always an integral part of an association, whether you are aware of it or not. The largely overlooked associations are the employer-employee partnership and professional partnership. Your ability to thrive, in your professional endeavors, at all times depends on how healthy your association is. Your growth also means more benefits for your partner, whether an employer or a colleague with whom you exchange ideas, services or products.

In ecological studies, one is exposed to a variety of associations, including parasitic-where an organism, like blood suckers, feeds and survives at the expense of a host. The host may die thus leading to the death of the parasite. That's a detrimental association.

In a symbiotic relationship, both organisms survive and live together. A symbiotic relationship is the association where two different species live together, each benefiting, in one way or another, from its associate. Take a rhino and a certain species of birds-they live symbiotically. Each depends on the other for survival. The rhino has ticks that the bird needs for food. The bird helps the rhino in two ways. It remove ticks from the rhino's body and when it (the bird) sees an animal that might attack the rhino, it jumps up and down making the rhino know it is time to run for cover. They need each other.

If you build and treat your employer-employee partnership or professional association from a symbiotic relationship perspective, you increase your odds of always having a job, professional growth or business opportunities. The resources that you need to thrive under different circumstances will be within your reach in most cases.

Here are top on how to benefit from a symbiotic relationship.

1. Be governed by one motive-that, "What you do for yourself can get you by. What you do for others is what will get you ahead; whether in your profession, spiritual pursuits or relationships."

2. Know what the other party wants from the association. What skills do your think your employer needs to be profitable? What services, ideas or products does the other party want by associating with you?

3. You must be clear on what you want from the association before you waste your time, energy or even tangible resources.

4. Commit to give your best for the survival and thriving of the other party. Think about it, it's hard to be the first one to be downsized by a company that you have helped become profitable. It's hard for another party not to give you businesses if you have helped them succeed.

5. Always check with the other party to see whether or not it is still satisfied with your input, or your quality of services or products.

6. Be courageous enough to share ideas on how things can be improved, whether you are rewarded for your ideas or not.

7. Keep improving what you offer to the association, even when the improvement is not expected.

8. When things change, notify the other party before they learn about it from another source.

A leaders motivational keynote speaker and trainer, Dr. Vincent Muli Kituku, CSP works with organizations and individuals who want to increase their productivity, stay focused and have a sustained desire to make success a lifestyle and a choice. Vincent's inspirational speeches are catalysts for unlimited results that have led to Dr. Kituku being described as a research-based motivational speaker/trainer. His storytelling skills have won awards for both spoken and written words are attributed to improved morale, accountability, motivation and ownership by all employees. Dr. Kituku is one of the less than 7% speakers to earn the coveted Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) recognition, the highest designation presented by the National Speakers Association.

Wherever he speaks, people from all backgrounds agree that words cannot describe Vincent but that he must be experienced. His ability to captivate audiences with content, interaction and entertainment has made him not only a sought after speaker but an annual presenter for key organizations. No one is ever the same after listening and applying Dr. kituku's strategies and wisdom into their work and life endeavors.

How Necessary Is Digging Into Your Partner's Past

You have gone too far to think of calling it quits. What do you think? Is it necessary to dig into your partner's past? Every one has a past and a future. If you want to succeed in family life, I beg you to let the sleeping dogs lie. What you don't know can't hurt you so give up the curiosity and replace it with focus. May be it is something which triggered your search and you feel your soul won't rest until you find out the truth about your partner's past. Do the searching for your peace of mind to be able to move on with your relationship. It depends with the case at hand for that matter.

What do you do when for instance you find some document revealing that your spouse was once in jail? This is a partner's past you cannot assume. Do you panic and move with lightening speed? No, of course you will have an urge to dig into his past and find out exactly what happened. The fact that you did not get it from your spouse will force you to solicit for the information from other sources. This kind of digging is important for you as a partner. You might be sitting on a time bomb. The results dictates the next course of action as you may be in a relationship with a drugs dealer. May be even the love for you is fiction. In such cases run fast and never turn back. It is a heart breaking exercise but a good prevention to future surprises.

I say it depends with the case because their are some cases which are not worth investigating. If you happen to gather the information that your wife aborted twice before you got married, throw it to the wind. It is a partner's past that might do you more harm than good. I know it might be annoying, disgusting and inhuman but you should feel flattered that she decided to mother your kids. She is the mother of your kids, your friend, financial partner and so much more. Things change and you should appreciate what you currently see in your wife. Before you judge you should take some time to evaluate your own life. You might be having some dark past too but it has never seen the light of the day. It is all human. Think positively and dismiss discouraging thoughts.

Digging into your partner's past should not be an agenda in your relationship. It feels bad to have a spouse who is always sniffing around and about your life. If it does not happen by accident you are ruining your relationship. It is good to trust what you hear from your spouse and take it as gospel truth. Do not waste energy investigating what you have no clue about. Their are some annoying partners who will squeeze out all your childhood details from your relatives and then use them against them. One would be forgiven for smashing such a partner's head. This is obsession which kills the relationship as time passes and they gather more unnecessary details.

How To Enhance Your Long Distance Relationship Step By Step

Do long distance relationships work or is it just a waste of time? There are people who find love far and wide. They are not restricted in any way by geographical boundaries. They are exploring looking for love through the chat rooms and dating sites on the Internet. The modern technology has made long distance relationship a success and even better than a normal relationship. The sophistication of such a relationship is one to be admired. Many are of the idea that their love can get greater than geography; that their true mates are far away in a different country, state or even continent. How do you make a long distance relationship work?

You might be physically apart but your hearts are so much together. To make your long distance relationship work, agree on how often you will keep in touch. You will agree with me that communication is the number one ingredient to a relationship that works. You can be together but you have to be forced to talk. It doesn't matter where you are geographically as long as you communicate. For instance you can agree to be calling each other at night either two or three times. You can as well send several e-mails a day. Nowadays people are mostly using e-mail and phones to kill distance but it would be a special treat to drop a hand written letter at your lovers home. It gives them butterflies and a feeling that you are closer.

When you are discussing the contacts issue, discuss about your physical visits. Who should visit who first and how often. This will clear the course your long distance relationship will be taking. What do you talk about in your conversations? Do you continuously whine about how much you love and miss each other? Considerable content of this is fine but do not dwell on it day in day out. Let your long distance relationship partner feel part of your life by telling him/her your every day experiences. Tell them about your nagging neighbor, your experience with the bad smelling guy you sat next to in the bus and may be an unexpected car puncture.

You should not wait until the time you will physically come together. You should practice phone sex to keep each other faithful and trusted. Spice up your feelings and enjoy your time apart by having sex the fantasizing way. The brain is the greatest sex organ and you have it with you. Make it happen by the descriptions of your love making through the small gadget. Send to each other dirty stories or lyrics via e-mail or put it in phone lines. Provided you do not print them you are still safe. Finally, to enhance long distance relationship, you should stay active in your social life. Meet your other friends and have fun. The last thing you want is to be home so alone and bored. This will make you resent your partner for being so far away from you.