Going through a breakup is rarely anyone's idea of a good time...for a lot of people it's almost impossible to overcome, and they just sit around on the couch for a month or two, moaning into one gallon bucket of ice cream after another. If that's how you want to live your life, cool...go right ahead. Otherwise, have a look at what I have to say.
Your first step to getting your ex back needs to be changing your mind, and your outlook on life. We generally change our minds about 30 times a day anyways, so put that skill to use. If you take the wrong perceptual approach to a breakup, you're just going to sink into depression and gain nothing from the pain. If you look at it the right way, however, you can forge that raw feeling into something that really helps you turn things around: motivation.
Don't keep looking at things like they "happened to you." This is called passive self-victimization. Okay, so I made that up, but it's a good name for what you're doing to yourself if you see your ex as the "bad guy" or beat yourself up continuously over the things that caused you to lose out on your relationship. Take responsibility for the things you did that resulted badly, but don't let yourself think that there's nothing you can do.
A breakup generates a lot of emotion and energy, and if you're playing "sobbing couch potato" all that energy is just flowing (perhaps "seeping" would be a better term) out of you and into the gutter. Convert that energy into powerful motivation for getting off your butt and doing something about your situation. The best motivation comes when you realize what consequences your actions can have, so use this hard experience to drive you to succeed in your struggle for relationship happiness.
Take a frown and turn it upside down. Take this separation as a lesson to be learned (or in some cases quite a few lessons). Congratulations, you are officially an expert on what DOESN'T work for keeping a relationship from going south. Use that knowledge. Analyze your relationship, and figure out just what it was that ended up torpedoing the bond between you and your ex.
When you've come up with a list of about 20-50 things you could improve on (I'm sure your ex could find that many), it's time to get busy correcting your problems. I can't help you solve every single problem, only you can do this...all I can say is that you need to dedicate yourself to this, and really work to make things work. If you try to go back to your ex as the same person who got dumped, you're just going to have your heart broken again, and probably mess up any chances you may have had.
After you've identified and fixed the major problems that fouled up your relationship, it's time to start trying to get your ex back. Your first contact should be light and generally non-aggressive, a phone call or email seeing how things are going is a pretty common start. The important thing to remember when building your relationship back up is not rushing things and frightening your ex off...you need to feel out your ex's feelings on the two of you and pace yourself accordingly.
Remember that even if your ex is mad at you, he or she probably doesn't hate you...and most of time breakups aren't the cold flat-drops you see in the movies. More than likely you'll be faced with a person who still loves you and wants to be with you, but just can't handle the stress of the relationship. It's up to you to remove that stress while keeping the happinesses, and if you can pull that off you two could go far. Stop being so depressed and afraid of rejection...get out there and give it your best!
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