Top Tips On Making A Great First Impression Part 1

We only get one chance to make a first impression. Have you ever wondered what the most important things you could do where? Glad you asked. Here are some top tips to help you make a great first impression. Whether you're dating in your teen years or your boomer years, or even in casual meetings at work, your first impression counts. So here's how to do it!

1. Make the other person the center of attention

You immediately make a great first impression when you can show that this isn't a "me meeting." In other words, you are show that you are listening to what the other party is saying without interrupting, with good eye contact, and with enthusiasm. This applies whether you are meeting a new acquaintance, applying for a job, or are on a date. The spotlight should not be on you.

2. Use the name of the person you have just met

When you are introduced to someone pay attention to their name. After that make sure that you use their name when you are talking to them. It makes your conversations a great more personal.

3. How you look does matter

Even though the standards of what we wear for various occasions has changed that's no excuse to look like a slob. Sure common sense might say that if you are going for a job interview you should dress "good" and make a first impression that's landing. Still you might be surprised at how many show up for an interview underdressed. It tells the potential employer that they aren't important.

Let's take it a step further. Whenever you leave the house, even if it is to go the supermarket you should look polished and put together. That doesn't mean you have to be dressed up. What it means is the clothing you put on shouldn't be held together with safety pins. It means you shouldn't be wondering around in pajama pants. It means your hair should be neat and tidy. You never know who you might run into and you only get to make one first impression.

4. Smile

A true smile reaches out from your soul. It can be seen in the eyes and through the entire face. It instantly makes a person feel more at ease and more relaxed. You send out a warm vibration and that makes a great first impression. Your smile costs you nothing and when you share it with others you make a great first impression.

5. Eye contact

When you make direct eye contact you convey power and authority and you also tell the other person that you are confident and trustworthy. We all make the joke about the shady guy whose eyes are darting all over the place. Well it's the same idea when you don't make eye contact. Even if you are shy or scared always make eye contact. The other party won't know how you are feeling unless you give yourself away.

You get one chance to make a first impression on your first date or in any situation you need to start the relationship off on the right note. We've give you some top tips to make sure you make the most of it. You'll be making great first impressions from here on in.

How To Make Small Talk Easy And Fun

A lot of people are quite comfortable speaking, even with strangers, if they have a purpose for the conversation that they understand, but they can really struggle with knowing how to make small talk. All social and work situations begin with small talk, where you make the effort to engage with people. If you are going to make a connection with people around you hen you need to know how to make small talk.

The problem is that knowing how to make small talk can be very difficult for some people. They can even be nervous making everyday conversations with people and often the reason behind this nervousness is a lack of knowledge of what to talk about. But you can acquire this skill of making small talk. There are a few small talk topics that should never let you down, whatever situation you are in:

1. Look around you

Your surroundings should provide you with something to talk about. Whatever you're doing, you are in the same situation with the person to whom you are speaking, so there is common ground there. Even if you are only queuing up for the coffee machine you can make a remark about how long the line of people is, or about how you should drink less coffee or whatever. Aim for a casual but pleasant attitude. Opening the conversation signals to others that you are ready and willing to talk and they will be likely to reciprocate.

Hopefully, the other person will make a casual comment and you have got the conversation started. It gets easier from there. If you are just met with a smile, they may not be willing to talk; don't worry and don't take it personally. Either take some time to be quiet too, or you could smile and make eye contact with someone else; if they want to talk, they will pick up on that, having heard you just speak.

2. What do you want to know about other people?

A first meeting is no time to grill someone on their personal life; but think of a friend and the things you share in common like work, hobbies, families etc. Think about what you normally talk about too. All of these things are potential topics for small talk with someone else. Quite neutral topics are work, family and where someone lives so you could begin your small talk with asking about any of those things.

3. Ask about their day so far

People appreciate it if you ask about them in a friendly manner, so you could always try asking them how their day has been so far. Even in a store you might ask the cashier if they have been busy today. It's a good, simple ice-breaker and will often lead the other person to open up, even if it just a little. You will usually find that they smile because you have asked after their welfare too, and it is surprising how much easier you will find small talk once you have got a smile from the other person. It will give you and real psychological boost.

4. Talk about current affairs

The news is just that: news. People like to keep up with what is happening in the news, so a question like 'did you read in the newspapers how...?" or "did you see why (whoever) was on the news last night?" will usually open up a good conversation. Depending upon who you are talking to, you may not want to raise a particularly sad item or a gruesome crime, but if you have chatted with the person before, perhaps they are a colleague, you can chat about these things too as people tend to unite against such things and you will soon find yourself on the same side and involved in a conversation about society today.

So, keep these topics in mind and practice them on a few people in your daily life and you will soon discover that you really do know how to make small talk.

10 Great Questions For Conversation Fun

Even with the right questions conversation may not flow quite as freely as you may hope. That's because you need to really listen actively to the answers that you get. A conversation is like a tennis match, with words flowing back and forth like the tennis ball.

Carefully listening to the answers you are given will give you another idea to pick up on which should lead you to another question and from there, you can progress the conversation, whatever your purposes is. If you listen carefully to the answers to your questions, conversation gets a lot easier and a lot more productive.

However, it is true that if you have some good, interesting questions conversations flow more easily than if you asked closed questions requiring a yes/no answer or boring questions that yield uninspiring answers or perhaps worst of all, if you asked embarrassing questions which make your listener clam up in silence, not wanting to answer you.

You can avoid all of those pitfalls with the following questions:

1. If you could live at any time in history, when would it be?

This will help you to see what qualities the person admires and what they would like to do with their lives, such as politics, theatre, movies etc.

2. If you were asked to do so, would you sing in public?

Again, you will find out something of the person's interests; you will also probably find out if they can sing or if they want to be able to, so perhaps you will uncover a shared passion for music. Also, you may well find out how shy or extrovert someone is, which will give you an idea of how to handle the rest of the conversation.

3. What are you passionate about? What really moves you?

This question has the advantage of having an element of surprise as people aren't usually expecting this sort of question, but it tends not to embarrass them or put them on the spot because they can answer lightly with something like 'watching my baseball team win a game' or a similar answer.

4. If you won the lottery, how would you spend the money?

With this question you will find out what motivates the person, what they like to spend their money on and also something of their attitudes towards their significant other; of course, you might also find out if they have partners and children you don't know about!

5. What is the craziest thing you've ever done?

People might lie about this, but they will feel free to have some fun about it; it doesn't even matter if they lie, since whatever answer they give is sure to lead on to further conversation, whether what they reply is really crazy or not.

6. If you were throwing a party for five people, who would you invite?

These might be a mixture of famous people and people important to them in their life. Whoever they say will lead on to further conversation about why these guests were chosen and how your choices match up.

7. If time and money was no object, to what causes would you dedicate your efforts?

This can tell you a lot about a person's passions.

8. What if your favorite comfort food meal?

This can lead to some great nostalgia and a trip down memory lane to uncover the associations as well as to swap recipes.

9. If you could pick one talent that you don't already have, what would it be?

You'll find out about a person's passions this way. And if you happen to possess the skill they wish to possess, why not offer to teach them?

10. If you could spend a whole day doing exactly as you wished with no demands and no responsibilities, what would you do?

People dream of those kinds of days and they will usually love to share these ideas. You'll really find what people enjoy doing with a question like this.

If you are communicating with a person online, you could also ask them to explain the reasons behind their screen name.

You will probably only need to use one or two of these questions in any situation. Remember that initiating conversation is the aim of these questions; conversation entails you properly listening to the answers that you are given and picking up on those answers to progress what you talk about.

Couples Communication Without Confrontation

The surest way to have productive, non-confrontational communication with your partner is to do it in writing. This might sound strange or cumbersome at first, but as you read further you might come to see its value and potential.

The written word is the purest form of communication, because you are allowed to select your words as carefully as you wish without being rushed or influenced by the presence of the recipient. Then, when the recipient receives it, they are required to read and consider every word in order to get the meaning. This requires their full attention and patience. The result is a much purer transfer of thoughts with no opportunity to strike back immediately without thinking. This is the magic of this communication method.

Here is the process for this non-confrontational communication method. Start by writing down all your thoughts, concerns, and desires on paper. In others, do an "appraisal" of your partner and relationship. Your partner should do the same. It is important that you do this activity in separate rooms or locations. This step may take a several hours or days. The next step is to exchange them, BUT read them in separate rooms or locations as well. The reasons for separation will become clear to you in the end. This next part is crucial. You must agree NOT to get back together to discuss them until any anger has dissipated, and your minds have returned to a clear and relaxed state. This may take several hours, days, or even a week or more. In addition, you must agree not to consume any alcohol or drugs during any part of the process. Next we'll get into further detail on how to do your appraisal.

Appraising Your Partner & Relationship

In order for your appraisal to be complete, you need to start by making a list of all the possible areas that you want to consider. You might create this list with your partner, but do not have any discussions. Just create the list. Categories might include: attitude, social, money, appearance, disagreements, sex, responsibility, and dreams.

You might start the evaluation process by rating each category using words like excellent, good, or needs improvement. Follow this by adding comments to clarify your rating, offer ways to improve, or convey compliments. Also, be sure to include your personal needs, desires, and dreams in the appraisal or on a separate piece of paper.

Here are some thoughts to consider as you proceed with the appraisal. The purpose of this process is twofold: To give you the opportunity to evaluate the health your relationship and to provide your partner with feedback that they can use to improve themselves and your relationship. The goal is to perform an appraisal that is honest, compassionate, and free of any self-serving behavior.

Examining Each Others Appraisal

Here are some thoughts to consider before you go into your private session to examine the appraisal your partner completed on you.

First, get yourself into a mindset of looking at this activity as an extraordinary opportunity to gain self-awareness. This will require courage, the courage to face criticism directly, and evaluate it objectively without becoming defensive.

Keep in mind that what is written about you is your partner's true feelings. Therefore, they are not arguable. You may be able to challenge some of the facts, but you cannot challenge their feelings because they are their actual perceptions.

Your focus should be on gaining understanding of their evaluation of you, and how they came to those conclusions. This will require that you put yourself in their place. Becoming defensive is not productive for your own benefit or that of the relationship.

The information contained in the appraisal holds the key to unlocking the treasure chest of gifts that your partner is capable of giving to the one they love. Do not under estimate is value!

Meeting for Enlightenment & Resolution

The final step is to meet with your partner to discuss your appraisals. As mentioned before, it is imperative that you do not have this meeting until both partners are calm and clear-headed. Again, no alcohol or drugs are allowed.

The meeting that you will have with your partner is the most significant part of this entire process. In fact, it could produce some of most profound communications of your entire relationship. Or even, perhaps, any relationship you have ever had!

The attitude that you take into this meeting needs to be consistent with your expectations of what you want to get out of it. In other words, if you want your partner to be open to what you put in their appraisal, you need to be open as well. If you want them to show a willingness to change, you must be willing too. If you want them to have an interest in your dreams, you must present your interest in theirs. If you want them to be responsive to your needs, you must be ready to do the same.

As you discover solutions, create plans, and identify objectives write them down as goals. You might use the what, how much, and by when format. Don't miss out on this opportunity to make some real satisfying change in your self, your partner, and your relationship.

As a review, here are the three (3) steps.

1. Appraise Your Partner & Relationship (Privately)

2. Examine Each Other's Appraisal (Privately)

3. Meet for Enlightenment & Resolution (Together)

That's it. Go try it!

Brad Paul

"Find a way, or create your own path!"

Copyright © Brad Paul

If you would like to learn more about this technique and get a unique, easy-to-use communication tool that will guide you through the entire process, you will find it in my book entitled, "The Couple's Review™." For information & to buy click
http://www.propelpublications.com/tcr_overview.htm

To download a FREE sample of my book entitled, "The Couple's Review™" click
http://www.propelpublications.com/tcr_sample.htm

http://www.propelpublications.com/ (Propel Publications - Home Page)

The Difference Between Talking and Communicating

Have you ever met someone who speaks fluent English but at the same time, doesn't really speak your language? They don't talk with you or to you, as much as they talk at you, over you and around you - in your general direction. They speak a language which is largely meaningless to you. Sure it's English, but overall, it doesn't really make sense. There's no connection, no real understanding and the outcome of these conversations is usually confusion, frustration, anger or boredom.

Over the years I have employed hundreds of people in my businesses. And while I always look for a range of preferred qualities, attributes and personality traits in a potential employee, the one non-negotiable skill that's always at the top of my shopping list is the ability to be able to communicate effectively. If someone ticks all the boxes - academic, appearance, experience, knowledge - but they don't tick the communication box, then they probably won't get a gig with me. The reality is that a person who isn't a great communicator won't make a good trainer (teacher, coach, mentor), unless of course, they can find a way to develop those skills.

That's the good news; these skills can be developed.

Without doubt, communication is the single most important life skill, yet amazingly, the majority of us don't consciously work at developing it. Better communication equals better relationships, and better relationships equals a better life. So why wouldn't we work at it?

Some of us bumble along making the same communication mistakes, often with the same people in the same situations for years. Whether it's at work, at home, in the classroom, at the supermarket, at church (temple, mosque), in life, in love, in conflict - our ability to communicate will invariably dictate the outcome of most conversations, situations, circumstances and experiences.

While we all speak English (readers of this site anyway), the reality is we all have our own unique language. The problem is that in typical conversation we mostly speak our language, and not necessarily the language of the person/s we're trying to communicate with. And it doesn't matter how much talking we do, if we're not speaking the same language we won't find common ground or mutual understanding, and we won't create desirable outcomes. When Johnnie (my tech-guy, business manager and resident smarty pants) talks to me about tech stuff, he has to totally modify his language so that Mr Technophobe Ignoramus (me) can understand what the heck he is trying to tell me. He often tells me something in 'Johnnie-Speak' and I just stare at him blankly.

The question I always ask myself whenever I'm about to get involved in a meeting, confrontation or general chat is, "How do I need to communicate with this (specific) person, to be understood, to understand them, and to maximise my chances of creating a good outcome?"

Just like we don't all respond optimally to the same diet, the same exercise plan or the same lifestyle philosophy, neither do we all connect with, understand, or respond well to, the same communication style.

Yet that's what most of us do. We use the same communication style in a range of settings, with a bunch of different people; different personalities, attitudes, backgrounds, beliefs and values. If I'm talking with a seventy year-old lady about an exercise plan for her and I communicate with her in the same way that I would with a twenty year-old professional athlete, she's gonna think I'm speaking some foreign language. I need to be able to communicate my thoughts and ideas speaking her language, just as you need to periodically speak the language of your boss, kid, spouse, parent or neighbour in order to create a desirable outcome and to experience meaningful communication. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't say what you think, it means say what you think, using language which is meaningful to that person.

Imagine if I wrote an article today on weight-loss and in it I used completely over-the-top scientific language and jargon. You wouldn't be educated, motivated or inspired, you'd probably be confused and think I was a big tool - because I'm not speaking your language. Even if every word was true and relevant, it wouldn't have the desired effect because there would be lots of talking (okay, writing) but no real connection or communication. No understanding.

Effective communication is about a few things:

1. Understanding - It's about genuinely trying to understand the other person and to be understood (rather than shoving your thoughts down their throat and waiting for a gap in the conversation). "Do I understand her and does she understand me?" If there's mutual understanding, there will be good communication.

2. Listening - Ironically, some of the best communicators don't actually talk that much. Some people mistake verbal diarrhoea for effective communication. We know that the vast majority of communication (93%) is non-verbal, so why do we feel compelled to talk so much? I've had many productive one hour meetings with people where I've said literally fifty words, while they've talked non-stop.

3. Making the effort to understand different people's communication style. Learn new languages. Years of working with a wide range of people has taught me that what will motivate one person (a verbal kick in the pants perhaps) might devastate and demotivate the next. Some need a smack around the head and some need an arm around the shoulder. Pity I'm so good at the head smacking thing. Oh well, arm around the shoulder it is.

4. Invest emotionally. This simply means caring about the person that you're communicating with. Caring about what they think, feel, want, need, believe. If people sense that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say, you will create instant rapport and connection. You don't need to 'love' or even agree with them, just respectfully consider their perspective.

Even with this article I get a broad range of responses to the same post/article; the same words. One person will get inspired, one will get enlightened, one will get challenged, one will be indifferent and one will get offended. Why? Because I'm speaking one language (communication style) to a bunch of different people who all speak their own language and all live in their own version of reality. This is one of the reasons why I frequently change the type of articles I write (educational, humorous, philosophical, motivational) and the communication style that I use (conversational, academic, inflammatory, provocative).

So, if one of your goals is to become more effective at work, at home, at school, in romance, in conflict, in business - in life, then perhaps it's time for you to learn another language and to master the skill of communication, rather than the habit of talking.

How To Start A Conversation

Some people have a natural knack for knowing how to start a conversation with anyone and make it seem interesting and effortless. Others begin to speak and look like they are doing some kind of Jerry Lewis impersonation. For those who really want to know how to start a conversation but don't know what to do, listen up. I'm going to give you a few ideas and I'm going to tell you what to do rather than what not to do.

Do, take the time to find and memorize some humorous sayings or short quips. Have these sayings always ready to use them in applicable situations. For instance, let's say someone is talking about how much mischief so and so's kid creates or perhaps she is lamenting to mischievous nature of her own child. You can toss in something like this, "Well, you know what they say, you should always smack your child every day. If you don't know why - he does!" Examples such as this will create giggles and perhaps feelings of camaraderie, at least among those who have kids!

Do; find some common ground with whomever you are trying to start a conversation with. If you are at a party, perhaps you have noticed that neither of you can do the Macarena. Or maybe both of you like to drink the same kind of beer. Always try to be perceptive and you can definitely notice little nuances about others that will allow you to start interesting conversations.

Finally, Do, take the time to relax and enjoy the process of talking to another human being. I think the biggest obstacle that people face when trying to learn how to start a conversation is that they put too much pressure on themselves and worry too much about what they are going to say next rather than listening and interpreting what their conversational counterpart is communicating to them both verbally and non-verbally.

These three suggestions above are small in scope but can produce big returns in your quest to learn how to start a conversation.

The Importance of Listening in Communication

At first glance communication with another person seems relatively easy. This month I had two different experiences that showed me how tricky it is to understand what a person does or doesn't say. Taking the time to listen to others is important whether you are lawyer, a manager or an employee.

A friend recently shared with me her frustration with her sister in law. She told me that the woman seemed to rebuff her all the time. The sister in law consistently turned down invitations to go places and when they were at family events her sister in law remained quiet. "Cold fish" and "private person" were ways my friend described her.

Although I did not share this with my friend I did wonder if someone might use the same words about me. While my friend is warm, outgoing and talkative, I tend to be more quiet and introspective. I must admit that there are times I want and need to be alone too. In fact I enjoy my friend because she is so different from me. Her talkative style energizes me and draws me out.

The second experience was at a funeral for the husband of my mother's friend. The man who passed away was a quiet man who lived a long life (90+ years). The few times that I had been with this couple his wife did all the talking. I knew the man was a pianist but nothing more.

At the funeral two people gave eulogies. The first was a nephew who said that the man had married into a family of talkers. At family events everyone was shouting and laughing. His uncle, the nephew said, had a quiet presence that the family would miss.

The other speaker was a cousin who was also a musician-a violinist. The deceased was a jazz pianist and had played with some of the greats in the jazz world. The cousin told of the wonderful times he and his cousin had had improvising together. In fact he said lately he had begun calling his cousin "brother". The speaker said his cousin's way of communicating was with music.

Often people don't "get" another person simply because their communication styles are so different. The musician and his cousin did understand one another because they were alike. We are most comfortable with people who are similar in style to ourselves. At least we know how to communicate with those people.

In my practice I use the DISC behavioral assessment to help people learn about themselves and others. The report provides communication tips for people of different styles. Once clients know how others like to be communicated with, they can adapt their own style to that of their client, employer, employee, team member, or friend.

When you attend a party, a networking event or family function it is important to remember that not everyone is alike. Someone who is quiet and reserved (an introvert) might appreciate having someone new to talk to. It takes time and some effort to draw someone out. Just be curious about their interests and you may discover a jazz musician, a poet or who knows what! Everyone has a value in the world. Take the time to listen for it in others.

Keeping Girls Safe in a Twisted World - Thoughts for Parents

I have daughters. If you are reading this, it might be because you have daughters too. Fathers and mothers of daughters have concerns for them in this day and age where knowledge and ethics and morals are transient and unstable; much the same I would venture to say for parents of boys-they too can get themselves into a world of trouble, quite unsuspectingly.

The fear, trouble and pain, is in one word; sex. It's her getting mixed up with the wrong crowd (and with the wrong guy) and being taken advantage of. To a point this is a rational fear, and it should evoke thought and action in parents-positive and loving action that will seek to protect her.

The profiled author below, Alice Ogden Bellis,[1] speaks to her girls from the context of Lady Wisdom's cry in Proverbs 7, the passage well known for exhorting young males not to fall for the persuasiveness of the adulteress (7:21-23). A loving mother's words don't come any better so I quote her directly:

"You know that I love you more than anything else in the world. I want you to be happy, but as you know, life is tough, life is real. It takes more than being an excellent student, world-class athlete or prizewinning dancer or musician to lead a happy life... it takes more to be happy. And so I ask you to try to discover what is true and just and wise...

Make truth your lover, justice your muse. Truth will stand by you if you lose your friends or your job because you refused to do something unethical. Justice will encircle you with warmth more real than a fire when people shun you for standing up for the dignity and worth of every person regardless of their personal characteristics, or when you blow the whistle on wrongdoing...

Truth and justice are elusive. They present themselves to those who seek them persistently and seriously. They hide from everyone else. Do not be misled by handsome faces, by beautiful bodies, by the right clothes, or the correct manners. Especially do not be deluded by flatterers who tell you that you are beautiful (of course you are!) and then ask you to give them your body and your soul. The pretty boys and jocks will beckon to you. They will ask you to go out. Soon, they will ask you to bed. It's a dangerous world. Their ways lead to death, not just moral death, but physical death as well. Drugs and alcohol and cigarettes are some of the ways of those who want to show off, but inside are little boys. They want easy sex with no responsibility. Do not cavort with folly. Do not consort with the frivolous. Rather spend your time with men of substance and worth. A good man is hard to find, but is more precious than jewels."

It takes great courage for girls to "live" this advice, but it is essential as parents of girls that we urge them to do it. Peer pressure is so amazingly powerful, even as adults we struggle to contend with it. It has to be acknowledged and discussed. The truth is difficult to decipher and we're often deceived. Yet girls can be trained to listen to their instincts and take heed of them; it's a natural process if we attend to it so we must facilitate it through discussion and consistent role modelling.

It sounds like fearful talk, and it is; the truth is fear borne from love is the right sort of Godly fear that can motivate and inspire us in our parenting. It is perception and awareness and thought and action all rolled into one. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

We also need to have the faith that we've laid the foundations. Done the wrong way, the protection we are discussing can be perceived as interference and control, and we can easily drive our girls away-that is not the way of love; that's the way of unrestrained fear. Faith is our friend. Lay the foundation, then have the faith to trust your daughter-faith does not come easily; it requires trust, and that requires courage. Pray for wisdom to do the right, loving thing.

What relationship have you got with your daughter? Are you her friend and trusted ally? Work on it. As fathers what is our role? We must be a positive and loving influence in her life. What she sees in you is the type of behaviour she'll come to expect from her future husband/partner.

Sex is part of the problem. Acceptance is another part of the problem. If we can call our girls toward living wisely (i.e. truth and justice as Bellis suggests) we can counteract the forces of sex and need for acceptance. Most, if not all, mothers would know that sex is not a natural act for girls unless it comes at the right time, in the right circumstances and is 'carried out' with a gentle, caring, and (loving) committed male. Otherwise, it can be a psychologically damaging experience, which can set up a series of problems for the future. These problems will affect relationships-most of all potentially the parent-child relationship. Now, there's an incentive!

Love affords protection from very early on in a young girl's life. This is a process that begins almost before she can remember, yet it is also a paradigm that can be taught later depending on the role modelling and love relationships that exist around it. Love is very powerful. If you learn and implement true love as a parent, especially early on, you have high chances of success. Love never forces anything; it is always a choice. It always provides choice,[2] because it is girded and bolstered by faith, and a positive hope. Only fear forces things, at times, in name of love. You can tell when fear drives 'love'-there's no sense of love and it is a confusing time for all. Don't fear, just love.

Have you communicated wisdom to your girls? It is the best way to fight this fight.

© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

[1] A.O. Bellis, "The Gender and Motives of the Wisdom Teacher in Proverbs 7," in Wisdom and Psalms (1998), 79-91.

[2] Choice is not a free-for-all. All relationships need safe boundaries. When boundaries exist to protect both parties of a relationship, choice is then the natural result. Choice can then be given without reservation. This is love expressed through faith.

5 Super Topics of Conversation

Conversations can be a little difficult and stilted when you first meet someone or start to talk to them online. What you need are topics of conversation that are fun to talk about so that you can both relax and enjoy getting to know each other better. That's why different forms of entertainment are such good topics of conversation. They also might provide you with ideas for a future date! At least you will find out what you both like to watch, listen to and do for entertainment.

Here are a few topics of conversation to help you to get to know the other person better and have some fun as well; who knows where the conversation my lead!

1. Music

A good topic of conversation is about what music styles the person you are talking to likes. You can also ask if they have a favorite musician or group or a favorite CD. You may find that you share musical tastes in common, which would be nice and a conversation started in this way can easily progress to talking about different clubs you have visited or concerts that you have been to. Perhaps it may lead to you asking the other person on a date to an upcoming gig.

2. Movies

Movies are a great topic of conversation as almost everyone has at least a few movies which they liked a lot and remember well. They will associate these movies with happy times and so the mood of your conversation is more likely to be light and happy. Talk about your all-time favorite movies or actors and actresses or the movies that you have seen recently. Discussing what movies you like will also show something of your personality and that of the person you are talking to, so you can see more closely how compatible you are. Again, this could lead to a date or at least a fun and friendly time out at your local cinema.

3. Books

These days, fewer people seem to read, but if you would rather curl up with a good book than stare at the silver screen, try asking what types of books the other person likes to read or whether they have read a book that seems to be all the rage at the moment.

4. Television

For the vast majority of people, watching television is the pastime that they spend most time on. In fact, many adults spend more hours watching TV than they do doing anything else, including sleeping. Asking about TV programmes that a person watch is pretty much guaranteed to lead to a conversation. Whether it's 'CSI', 'Desperate Housewives', 'Lost' or some other TV series, the chances are that you will find that you have some viewing pleasure in common.

5. Sport

You don't have to be some great athlete to enjoy talking about sport. Many people are avid armchair fans of some sport or other. Talking about your favorite sport and the players allows you to see if you share team loyalties or maybe you both just like shouting at the referee; either way it can be fun to chat about.

So, armed with these five topics of conversation, you should be able to feel confident talking to anyone on or offline informally. You will have something to open a conversation with on which the other person will feel comfortable about replying; from there, there are many follow-up questions which you can ask about any or all of these topics of conversation to keep the chat flowing.

Communication Skill Builders Explained

Whatever the level of your ability or whatever your needs are, you will find communication skill builders suitable for you. Interpersonal skills problems are the most significant and harmful difficulties to beset relationships.

That is the case whether we are talking about a relationship with a spouse, your children, your colleagues or anyone that you have to deal with in your life. Some of the skills needed are specific to certain situations or at least have to be adapted, which is why you will find communication skill builders for all aspects of social interaction and all the different situations in which you might be called upon to use those rapport skills.

At work, you may have to talk to people you don't know, maybe even people you don't even like; these people may be from very different backgrounds and cultures. It's at work that you may be in authority over others, having to get people to follow instructions and adhere to policies, perhaps having to fit reluctantly into a company's ethos.

A communication skill builder aimed at the workplace may deal with managing anger and conflict as well as team work and goal setting, together with the usual communication skills that we all need in our daily lives.

Communication difficulties can sometimes cause problems within a marriage. If they are not resolved, a lack of communication can lead to irreparable damage and even divorce. Many people, if they could, would intervene before it gets that far. A communication skill builder aimed at marriage situations can help you do just that.

As in all communications, listening skills are vital. You may also need to learn how to resolve conflict and manage your own anger, just as in the workplace, but the methods you will choose to do that are probably different in a marriage.

A communication skills builder shows you how. It will help you, through a series of books, tapes, CDs and DVDs, by taking you through some of the most common communication situations and helps you develop communication strategies for dealing with them. Within a marriage, you will have to make many joint decisions such as on living arrangements, finances and eventually children.

All too often one partner can simmer with resentment at feeling they are not listened to and never get their way. You can learn to get over this and become assertive without causing offence, so that you communicate effectively and reach mutual decisions.

Those are just two areas in which you might find communication skill builders but there are many more. A simple internet search will show you quite a lot of them.

These days, you can even get communication tips via e-courses, where each day or at least at regular intervals, another lesson is -mailed to people who opt into a list. Sometimes these e-courses can be free but it may be worth your while beforehand finding out if whoever offers the course has the credentials to be an authority on communication skills, especially if you are paying for the course, in whichever format it comes.

Other such courses offer coaching on more in-depth and specialized aspects of communication, such as conflict resolution, effective management at work etc. There are even courses on talking to your teenagers. These courses give you materials which you can look through again and again at your leisure, helping you to digest the messages and tips.

They may suggest exercises for you to do to build up your communication skills because in this area there really is no substitute for practice. Trying out your skills helps you to perfect them and to grow in confidence. That's the great thing about communication skill builders because you have the materials there to refer back to at any time and because they are often self-paced, your learning can progress as you feel more comfortable.

Emotional Gossip, Whispers and Secret Codes

SMS or Short Messaging Systems, as an industry sector only began in the second half of the 1990's. In the space of just a few years, mobile messaging has become an immense global industry generating over $55 Billion US Dollars in 2005 and expected to reach 67 Bn by 2012 generating 3.7 trillion messages. The largest portion of this revenue comes from simple SMS, worth an estimated $47 Bn USD in 2005 reported by Forrester Research.

In a similar timeframe, in the wireline world, person-to-person email has grown from a standing start to traffic levels which The Radicati Group expect to reach a staggering 21,000 Bn messages communicated worldwide this year (not counting spam). Only a short 10-15 years ago email was no more advanced than the green and black screen and now we send email with frequency and regularity in explosive volumes never before seen before.

But lately, simple mobile messaging has taken on a new look and a new social communications mode, especially interesting to the SMS market.

In Tokyo, Yokohama and Seoul, where these new communications devices, modes, and systems are usually first born, users have been growing the self-expression phenomenon to new communication formats. Japan was the first nation to implement 3G technology which facilitates these communication modes. These trends are later emulated throughout other parts of the world, most notably by the youth of China but more surprisingly, not by the youth of North America where IM is in more common use. (24 is the average daily number of SMS sent by users in Asia surveyed by Acision. This compares with 6 per day in Europe and 2 per day in the US.) (There are exceptions, I realize. Recently, in Vancouver where we live, I was talking to my son about this article: he declared, "Nonsense, I send or receive about 50 messages' a day." You can always depend on an argument from your children.)

Email (or, as they say, "what my father uses") has been replaced in Japan more recently by the emerging "E MOJI" mail and other even more elaborate communications tools variously encoding secret or private messages. Since, in Japan it is not permitted to use voice communications on mobiles in commuter trains (it is considered to be in poor taste and inconsiderate or impolite to others), it has embraced this technology and used even more widely in all circumstances than voice communication,ds as a result. E MOJI is a branch of 'gyaru' (girl or gal) plus 'moji' (text or alphabet) used by Japanese youth as a code for communicating outside of the majority of surrounding society members. The technique involves the use of the Latin alphabet, hiragana, katakana, kanji and Greek.

Now while encoding communications is not new, the use of non-verbal signage to communicate emotions rather than precise information has a more recent history. Beginning with emoticons or 'smilies' in the so named, antiquated email systems, these emotional signs have been replaced or augmented by a variety of new very sophisticated coding systems. And while even non-verbal signage has been with us since the beginning of human communications, emotional sign language in the context of social networking is a new phenomenon.

Some common standards involve the use of homonyms and the use of numbers for example:
• 4-6-4-9 -- yo-ro-shi-ku ("hello," "best regards")
• 3-3-4-1 -- sa-mi-shi-i ("I feel lonely")
• 8-8-9-1-9 -- ha-ya-ku-i-ku ("hurry up, let's go")
• 8-8-- 'ba ba' in China (Bye bye)

Another form, more commonly used in IM but finding popularity in the mobile environments is the ASCII art which is an artistic medium that relies primarily on computers for presentation and consists of pictures pieced together from the 95 printable (from a total of 128).

As you might imagine, constructing these communication codes is much more cumbersome and time consuming than typing common text messages. So why go to the trouble? We may venture to suggest that what may not be spelled out for a variety of reasons, (shyness, culture conduct, or secrecy) these new non-verbal communications solve a growing problem previously unforeseen to social networking systems.

First, even though these signs are relatively new, they are commonly used. And signs can be defensibly either explicit or vague. If a sign is advanced and wrongfully interpreted by the receiver, it could be explained away as a miss-use or ambiguous use of the sign. On the other hand, in the right social communications, for example between courting couples, it can be very explicit and intimate. Signs are also a very simple way of communicating a lot with only a few strokes of the keyboard as is the case in most traditional non-verbal communications.

Gossip, in this way can involve a very secret code for a personal name shared by only a few, plus the use of many more common signs. The communication is successful between intended sender and receiver but puzzling to those who may intercept or read it either by chance of by purpose. (It is now common practice in some circles: ((read young and teenage users)) to pass around your cell phones and look at each other's messages, personal avatars, settings and so on.)

What was unforeseen and now worrisome by technocrats regarding social networking was the fact that even though people are texting, they are not communicating on a personal, emotional level. This system of signage does go to some length in solving this problem. And the bemoaning of loss of communications skills in writing and speaking has developed into a very new sophisticated communication system.

These tools are most widely used by teenagers who are definitely not in a 'hugging' phase of their development, (shunning to hug even their mothers and fathers and certainly not, a 'friend' found on Facebook or MySpace)

But the use of signs is a kind of emotional icebreaker; a way of testing the sender and receivers level of emotional involvement. This media is an appropriate way to introduce yourself (perfect strangers flirtatious approach); flirting (recent introductions); gossip emotional gossip among 'friends') and whispers and secret codes intimate or familiar communications shared among close 'fiends.

Even among strangers it is a way of asking, "Do you speak my language?" These communications can be exchanged surreptitiously among senders and receivers even while conversations both live and virtual are being carried on in the same environment as for example around a common table or lunchroom. If you ever have the chance to visit a coffee bar or internet bar or better yet a campus lounge or lunchroom, you will witness these obvious exchanges taking place evidenced by the questioning and perplexing looks of the un-included members of the group.

Now, this phenomena does not go to lengths to solve the problem of loss of communication skills as is widely noted to be diminishing in most sectors: elementary students are not developing grammar skills as only a generation ago they did; college and university students fail the most fundamental writing and speaking grammatical tests; young workers in most service jobs cannot express themselves adequately enough to satisfy customer concerns; and even in corporate environments, most big talk has been replaced by superficial small talk in both informal and formal settings.

My prediction is that since communication techniques are bound to change, they will continue to change in terms of poorer efficiencies and this is a worrisome problem especially when we must participate in globalization exchanges where most people we will engage, speak English as Foreign language and follow the rules of grammar and civil conversation rather adroitly.

Are We Just Friends - Or Much More? Surefire Signs to Know!

In this article we are going to take a quick peek at some of the non verbal signs of interest and learn to quickly and easily separate what passes as friendly banter, from something much more romantic at heart. Ready to learn more? Great! Read on as we explore.

Have you ever wondered - are we just friends, or something more?

Across a crowded room, he catches your eyes, winks and flashes you his broadest, widest smile. To the casual observer, he's making a pass! But no, he's your best friend and he just wants to remind you of that fact, despite the physical distance between you.

Or does he? In the presence of a stranger, the signs are hard to misinterpret, but how do you differentiate a romantic gesture from a friendly one when you already know the person in question? The answer lies in being able to spot the nonverbal signs of a really good friendship. And failure to recognize these crucial signs can CRUSH a close friendship fast!

The fact of the matter is, when you really like someone simply as a friend, your body language very closely mimics the body language of people in love. Sounds confusing, right?

In the beginning of ANY positive relationship (romantic or otherwise), you will greet each other enthusiastically (perhaps even hugging and kissing, depending on your natural level of demonstrativeness), and look at, smile and nod in agreement more often when in the presence of the other. These are all positive signs of affection!

Because you make each other feel good, you will enjoy being around each other. As a result, you will stand closer, face each other head on and touch each other (linking arms or hands, patting each other on the back, etc.). In a show of solidarity, you will begin acting alike, both verbally and nonverbally.

The key point is - new friendships display more or less the SAME body language as do new romances! However, once the 'newness' of the relationship wears off, the body language will progress in one of two directions.

If the relationship is to settle down into more of a friendship than a romance, many of the overt signs of affection slow down or die completely. At this point, you'll soon find yourselves settling into the "long time friends" role (which mimics a 'married couple'). That is, you'll still be comfortable in each other's presence, but you'll no longer feel the need to outwardly display your affections for one another.

On the other hand, if a romantic relationship is to develop, you will find your partner responding to you in the progression of interest outlined in the previous section. (She will gaze, preen, and close distance more regularly and more intensely, and he will respond in kind - please see the "Sexual and Romantic Gestures" section above).

If you're in a new friendship and you're unsure whether it might lead to romantic possibilities, hold off for a few weeks, and try engaging more frequently in some of the more subtle sexual and romantic gestures outlined above.

If the relationship still settled into a relaxed 'married couple' or 'long time friend' mode, you'll save face by not broaching the topic too soon, keep your friendship intact and avoid some major league humiliation to boot!

Read On to discover 23 Body Language Secrets you can't find anywhere else on the internet...for FREE!

So powerful it's almost like reading minds!

David DeAngelo - The Man Behind "Double Your Dating"

"Double Your Dating" is perhaps one of the most successful e-books on the Internet on the topic of meeting and picking up women. The book was created by David DeAngelo, and in this article I will give you some information about who David DeAngelo is, and how he created such a successful dating system.

David DeAngelo was a successful businessman who had trouble meeting and dating beautiful women. One day he decided that he would get this area of his life handled, so that it would no longer be a problem.

He took a twofold approach - he started studying anything that he could get his hands on and also started hanging around some of the naturals who were amazing at getting women.

He quickly found out two things:

First of all, most of the books and seminars out there on the topic only talked about how to have healthy relationships with the woman you're dating, and not how to meet women in the first place.

The second thing he found out was that most of "the naturals" did things that simply didn't make sense to him - they would tease girls mercilessly, act like girls were hitting on them and other things that on the surface wouldn't seem to attract women.

However, he would see firsthand these naturals leave with beautiful women night after night.

That's when David DeAngelo decided to take a more in depth look at the interactions between these naturals and women, and also started trying a variety of different techniques, and tweaking those techniques to make them better and better.

After many months of dedication, he had become a master at picking up beautiful women.

He took all of the refined ideas that he had tested, and the things that worked the best for him, and put them together into a system. The main part of the system is his famous book -- Double Your Dating.

The transformation David DeAngelo went through from the beginning to the end of his quest on how to meet women is simply amazing.

Now you will almost never find him without a beautiful woman by his side, and he has dated many famous women and models as well.

In fact, there are many of his students and those who read Double Your Dating who also underwent the same type of changes in their life - going from never being able to get a date to dating many beautiful women.

If you want some more information about David DeAngelo, you can read the following article: David DeAngelo and his Double Your Dating.

How Can You Tell If She Really Likes You? 3 Simple Ways to Figure Out Whether She Does Or Not

Ok so you're sitting there wondering if the girl you like - likes you. No doubt women can be tough to read. We all like to play the control game. Nobody likes to show their cards. It's almost like a poker game where you play the player.

The key strategy is to figure out if you have made a correct read. The last thing you want to do is embarrass yourself. The worst thing you can do at this point is prejudge the situation based upon your opinions. Sure she may have a boyfriend or she may not like you. However if you indulge in over analysis you will prevent yourself from taking action and getting to the truth.

Number one you need to pay attention to what is going on around you. Now and then look over in her direction and see if you can grab her attention - if you do then smile at her. A Smile is a warm and friendly way of engaging somebody. If she looks away then looks back and smiles this will prove to be positive. At least at this point you will know that she is comfortable with your attention.

Number 2 - now that you have reached this positive milestone - you can walk in her direction. At this point you do not have to engage her. If she stops what she is doing and looks in your direction as you get close to her - then she is somewhat focused on you and is open to you approaching her.

Now it is time to engage in conversation with her. Rather than asking her name immediately try and converse about something relative to the time and place. People do not like personal questions from strangers - so avoid doing that. If she is with other girls engage them in conversation also. When you feel comfortable and she is relaxed you can now ask for her number.

Guy's if you are serious about getting the girl of your dreams then you need to seriously work on solid techniques to achieve your goal. If you know what a girl is thinking it is far easier to approach her.

If You want to learn the tested psychological secrets of the female mind given to you by a woman because after all only a woman truly knows what a woman wants, then select one of the following links... You can learn this and a lot more.

Learn what you Need to know before approaching a woman

Ten Commandments to Win Over a Woman. You can learn this and more with the Guys Guide To Girls.

The Heart of Friendship

Many of our readers know that, in their country, a man and woman often do not know each other until after they are married. But this is also true in America...

It may take years for couples to really know one another. Relationships of any kind, and especially "intimate" relationships, require good communication if they are to flourish.

A funny story has it that a divorce lawyer was contacted by a woman who wanted to hire him to represent her. He wanted to get more information, so he asked her if she had grounds. She said, "Yes, we have about an acre and a half."

"No, you don't understand what I mean," he said. "Do you have a grudge?"

"No," she answered, "but we have a covered driveway that seems to work well."

He forged on. "I'm not talking about your property, ma'am. I'm talking about your marriage. For instance, does your husband beat you up?"

"No. I generally get up before he does," she said.The lawyer replied in frustration, "You don't understand at all what I mean here! I want to find the reason why you came today. WHY do you want a divorce?"

She said, "I DON'T want a divorce! My husband wants the divorce. He says we can't communicate."

All close relationships require good communication. They begin with KNOWING each other -- as fully as possible. Then comes UNDERSTANDING. And from understanding, grows ACCEPTANCE. Finally, from acceptance comes something vital to any significant relationship, including marriage -- FRIENDSHIP.

As someone beautifully wrote:

"A friend is someone who knows you as you are, understands where you've been, accepts who you've become and still gently invites you to grow."

Friends like that are rare, indeed. But it all begins with knowing the other, for at the heart of friendship is communication. And is there anything better than to be truly known, understood and accepted? That time invested in good communication today will pay big dividends in lasting friendship tomorrow.

http://lovecareshare.wordpress.com

The Importance of Friendships

Recent research indicates people no longer have close friendships. However they are important to your happiness and wellbeing. Friends can offer you an important means of support. Also the support you can offer a friend can be highly satisfying and an important way to boost your mood. A friendship can bring important benefits to the both of you.

Focusing on your friends and relationships rather than material things or simple pleasures will reduce your feelings of depression. Friendships can boost mood, increase self esteem as well as easing stress and worries. Research at Flinders University has found that having close friends can help you live longer. In fact friends reduced the risk of dying by 22% over a 10 year period.

Your friends are there for you to share the good times with. Friends will be truly happy for your successes. Time with friends should be about doing things that make the both of you happy. It should not be about bringing each other down. If some of your friends frequently fail to offer support and sap your confidence and happiness, you may want to ask if they are actually your friend. Remember you can choose your friends. Make sure they have a positive influence on your life, and make you feel good about yourself.

Work to make time for your friends. Email them, phone them, write a letter or send a quick text. Try to arrange a time on a regular basis to meet up. Take the opportunity to phone them and ask how they're doing without dumping all your worries on them.

Do you want more friends? Join a group or class that you are interested in is a good way of meeting people. Chatting in online discussion groups can provide you with friends throughout the world. Else you could get yourself a pen pal. Your friends can live all over the world.

You do not need hundreds of friends. A handful of people you can rely on and trust is plenty so don't feel what you have isn't good enough. Remember: don't take your friends for granted; make time for them and nurture them.

Tips For Finding Some Great Friends

With today’s convenience and technology, it is easy (and even tempting) to live your life with little to no human interaction. Many people are choosing this route, whether they experience social anxiety or they simply want to avoid being around annoying people. But as a result, people are more lonely and isolated than they’ve ever been. This leads to feelings of worthlessness and depression. It is important for everyone to have friends. If you feel like you could use more friends, follow a few simple rules to start meeting people.

First of all, you need to get outside of your comfort zone. The average person probably isn't 100% comfortable with going somewhere unfamiliar, or being friendly with a stranger. Ignore your feelings of inhibition. Sign up for a class for something that you’ve always been interested in. Talk to your classmates and get to know them – this is how friendships naturally develop. This is just one example of many different situations you could put yourself in. You can go to the gym a few times a week, or volunteer to help at a homeless shelter. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you are around new people, and you are trying something new and adventurous.

Sometimes it can seem like you don’t “click” with anyone that you meet. Usually these feelings are caused by an inability to see outside of your own worldview. You should focus on breaking down this barrier, because it is extremely harmful to your social interactions. When you talk to someone, try to imagine what their life is like, and imagine how they must see the world. When you genuinely understand where a person is coming from, you’ll be much more likely to get along.

Ultimately, the only way to make friends is to get out of your chair, out of your house, and out of your comfort zone. Stop worrying, and start enjoying healthy relationships with your fellow humans.

Get discovered, make money, make friends and more at our new social network: http://www.yippykya.com/

Can Men And Women Be Friends?

It's been almost 20 years since the witty romantic comedy - When Harry Met Sally - explored the still debatable question- "Can women and men be friends?"

There are those who say 'No'. Heterosexual men and women can't be true friends. Blame the hormones! Attribute it to jealousy from a spouse. Point the finger at the predatory nature of men (and aggressive women) who "want only one thing". Or simply remember that men and women come from different planets and interplanetary friendships have never worked.

Despite the naysayers, what does the research show and what do the experts say? Since I am one of the experts (this was my dissertation topic) and have just finished an interview on "Voices in the Family", an NPR radio show with Dr. Dan Gottlieb, I'd like to share my findings with you.

Despite the stories of Harry & Sally and Chandler & Monica, men and women can be friends without the relationship transitioning into a sexual one.

In Jane Austen's time, when men and women lived in separate worlds, their primary attraction to each other was romantic or sexual. In today's world, however, men and women live, work and play together. They are fellow students, colleagues, committee members, bridge partners, tennis partners and more. This cultural shift has created a new norm in which people generally keep their sexual involvement and friendships separate.

Do some friendships turn into romantic relationships? Yes. And thank goodness for that; it's been the beginning of many a great marriage. Issues, however, may become challenging when friends are not on the same page with the nature of their friendship or when the friendship becomes threatening to the committed relationship.

So, when you've got a challenge in life, what do you do? Do you give up, saying this is just too difficult, confusing, or baffling for me? Do you avoid the problem or scratch the idea? Or do you deal with the challenge?

My take on the matter is --deal with it. Here's how to do just that:

• DEFINING THE RELATIONSHIP - All friendships, even same-sex ones, can have ambiguous and changing boundaries. It can be a shock to you when you view Joan as a very good friend and her behavior indicates to you that she views you as no more than a "tennis buddy". Or, a friendship that you once considered "near and dear", has changed into something much more casual. With cross-sex friendships, the ambiguous boundaries can be even more tumultuous. So, take the time to define the relationship - both in your head and in a discussion with the other person.

• DEALING WITH THE ATTRACTION - Let's say one or both of you do feel some physical attraction to the other. Does that doom the friendship or can you learn to live with it? Is there such a thing as harmless flirtation? Innocent sexual bantering? Sexual attraction without the desire to act on it? We too often look for purity in relationships. Some people believe that the only workable cross-sex friendship might be between two homely, asexual people - a nerd and a nun (and an old-fashioned nun at that). Stop fooling yourself. You can be attracted to your friend and choose not to make that attraction the nature of your relationship. Why? The short answer: because you are more than your hormones.

• DEALING WITH OTHERS' FEELINGS - Other people, particularly spouses/committed partners, may feel threatened by your relationship. Do not discount their feelings. If the shoe were on the other foot, you would probably feel the same way. It is your responsibility to work to integrate the friendship in some manner into your committed relationship Try including your spouse in on the friendship, either by all of you getting together at times or by not keeping the relationship secret or apart from the rest of your life. Out of respect for your spouse, you may need to change where and when you see your friend. Lunch may be far preferable to dinner - if you are leaving your spouse feeling home alone and abandoned.

Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back Made Simple

When your girl decides that the relationship has run its course, and that there's nothing more to say to each other and nothing left to do together...it sucks. You may not necessarily feel that way, but she does and she's gone. Getting her back wouldn't be easy, but is it possible?

Well, yes...it is very much possible. People do it every day, although for many it just kind of happens that way without much in the way of intent or technique. If you'd like a little more control than that, than just simple coincidence...I can help you out. There'll still be a helping of luck involved, but if you play your cards right you can do a lot towards making chance less of a factor.

It's all in how you handle the hurt, really. There will be hurt, you're only lying to yourself if you try to claim that it doesn't affect you to be dumped by the love of your life. The difference between whether or not you get your ex girlfriend back is pretty much the measure of the difference of whether you let that pain cripple you and hold you back, or if you throw it in the furnace and let it fuel you with motivation to turn things around.

It's really that simple. Either be a victim of the relationship, or stand up and be a man, and fix it. You can't rely on anybody else to put things back together for you, so you have to be the one who steps up to the plate. If you want your ex back as your girlfriend, make it happen.

Start by figuring what went wrong in the relationship, what made it fail. Focus on the things YOU are responsible for...you can't change others, only yourself. Don't worry about anything your ex may have done, those aren't things you can really do anything about. Work on whatever part you had in the relationship's failure. It'll be a little painful to think about and focus on, but it's overall very constructive to your efforts.

Thinking of the problems is only half of it...you have to fix them too. Girls don't give you much credit for just thinking about doing something, you have to do it. You need to solve any issues that were plaguing your relationship. If you don't, any future tries at getting that relationship going again will just end as badly as the first.

It's hard because most of it will involve changing things about yourself that you may not necessarily want to see changed...but if it's worth it to you to have a shot at happiness with your ex-girlfriend, then suck it up and do it. Being in a relationship is a give-and-take sort of thing, and if you're willing to give up what's asked of you to give up, then power to you. I don't advise just doing anything for a woman and letting her take advantage of how you feel about her, but there's a difference between being too stubborn to give her what's due and being wrapped around her finger. You decide what's worth giving up to have her.

Once you've dealt with what needs dealing with, the time comes to show her that you have. This is really just done by spending time with her and being the best that you can be, but breaking the ice all over again after a breakup can be difficult. The best way to do it is to make a simple, harmless contact...an email or phone call seeing how she's doing. Just something that says "Hey, I care about you enough to see what's going on." This can be a nice opener, that's not too up-front about the relationship or the two of you. There should be NO mention of getting back together or anything of the sort unless SHE wants to talk about it. This is a nonaggressive tactic that's much less likely to run off an already-damaged girl.

From here on, it's basically just seriously being the person you always were, without the biggest flaws you used to have. Women are pretty accepting of somebody who seriously tries and does his best for them, so just be the you that she fell in love with without being the you that hurt her enough to leave you. It's also important not to undo all your hard work by slumping back into your old habits and ways once you're together again...it's a common mistake that usually results in the relationship dying again.

The bottom line is that things can be pretty simple if you look at them the right way. Just focus on fixing yourself and be the man she loves without being the man she hates. Follow this advice, and your campaign to get your ex back should be a lot easier.

Just break up? Get instant relief from break up pain and a proven plan to get your ex back. Free articles and info at http://www.getyourexbacknow.com/

5 Ways a Guy Can Completely Ruin His Kissing Reputation

Here's the deal guys. Very rarely will a woman tell you that she thinks you're a bad kisser.

Nope, instead she'll abruptly but politely make up an excuse to end the evening. Leaving you wondering "What happened? We were having such a great time".

Maybe you were, but she wasn't.

Now she's going to go home and tell every single one of her girlfriends about the guy who tried to eat her tonsils, or the dude whose breath smelled like cabbage. They'll probably make up nicknames like "the slobber goblin" for you and laugh about it for weeks. Good luck getting some in that town ever again.

Okay, so I admit that the above scenario is a little exaggerated. But it's a fact that women take kissing very seriously. To them it's an indication of how good a guy is going to be at other things.

It's also a fact that they're going to talk about a bad kissing experience with their girlfriends. So, with that in mind, here are the things that will completely ruin your kissing reputation.

Have a Nasty Mouth

Whether it is bad breath or dry, chapped lips, a nasty mouth will destroy her kissing mood.

This is easy to remedy. Just practice good dental hygiene, carry some breath mints, avoid spicy or strong foods, and keep a tube of chapstick handy.

Get Nervous

Go ahead. Get nervous. I'm sure she'll love having your sweaty, clammy hands clumsily pawing at her while you shake like a washing machine spin cycle from anxiety.

Sounds hot, huh?

Instead, why don't you take a few deep breaths when you start feeling nervous and force yourself to relax. Remember it's just kissing and she's probably a little nervous too. Confidence is a major turn on for women. Fake it until you feel it.

Lick Her Tonsils

Because the deeper you can go with your tongue the more impressed she'll be, right? Wrong. Don't be surprised if she pukes all over your lap.

Want to know what will really impress her? Gently touch her tongue with yours and try to copy her movements. Keep your touch slow and soft. Unless she's trying to suck your face off, of course.

Grab Everything

She's putting her tongue in your mouth. That obviously grants you free reign to fondle anything you want, doesn't it?

Take it easy pal. It's still just a kiss. Don't use it as an excuse to grope her shamelessly. How about touching her hips, back, or face instead.

Rush the Kiss

Some guys think that the sooner they finish the kiss, the sooner they can get started on other things. That might work ten percent of the time, but with a quality girl it's guaranteed to backfire.

She can tell when you're rushing things and it's going to irritate her. You definitely won't be remembered as a great kisser.

Take your time. A good kisser behaves like there's nothing else in the world he'd rather be doing. He savors every second. If you can do that, you'll be way ahead of the average guy and well on your way to having an excellent kissing reputation.

How To Get The Woman Of Your Dreams - Increase You Odds In 3 Amazing Ways

Trust me guys there are a lot of beautiful available women out there. The biggest problem we face is our own thinking. We often entertain notions when we see a beautiful woman that she is out of our league. When you do entertain such notions it is time to sit down and ask yourself why. Why is it when you see a beautiful woman that you think she would be too good for you?

Maybe you are watching too much day time television where you have these almost perfect looking women with good looking guys. Now while this makes good Tv I suppose, in all honesty the world is not made up of perfect couples.

This is a reality if you open your eyes and look without judgment you will see it for yourself. How often have us blokes ever said to ourselves or each other "what is she doing with him"?

Your first step in increasing your odds is to understand your own insecurity. You need to address this. Women like us seek security. Our brains are wired that way through our primordial desire to survive. Women like guys who are comfortable with themselves. Why because they make them comfortable. Women do not want to be with a guy who is insecure and indecisive.

Secondly when you approach a woman you need to look her in the eyes and not focus your attention elsewhere. Sure sex is wonderful and most of us enjoy it but do not lose sight of the bigger picture and that is being with a soul mate that evokes harmony and affection. There is nothing better than when you really make a connect with somebody.

Thirdly understanding how a woman communicates non-verbally. Women are experts in non verbally communication and often wish that we men would understand them better.

Guy's if you are serious about getting the girl of your dreams then you need to seriously work on solid techniques to achieve your goal. If you know what a girl is thinking it is far easier to approach her. If You want to learn the tested psychological secrets of the female mind given to you by a woman because after all only a woman truly knows what a woman wants, then select one of the following links... You can learn this and a lot more.

Learn what you NEED to know before approaching a woman.

Ten Commandments to Win Over a Woman. You can learn this and more with the Guys Guide To Girls.

How To Find A Single Man - Every Woman's Guide

It seems that there are heaps of single men around, yet a 'gorgeous' woman like you can never find a good one! This is a cry that is often heard amongst single women, who are fed up with their lack of success in the dating game. The good news is that working out how to find a single man may not be as difficult as you think. It is simply of matter of being in the right place, having the right attitude and sending out the right signals.

So what is meant by being in the right place? Well, firstly you need to get out there! Staying at home all day and night will not get you a guy and, unless you are Angelina Jolie, or someone like that, men are not going to be turning up at your door step 24/7. You need to get out and go to places where people are interacting. Whilst parties and bars are good for this, so too are coffee shops, supermarkets and even laundromats! Let's face it, you can spend a lot of time in a laundromat and you need to talk to somebody - right?

If you are a little on the shy side, then why not try online dating. This has become a very popular way for people to meet, in recent times, and I am sure that most of us have either heard, or read, many successful stories about couples coming together over the internet. The range of single men, available, is much broader online as well.

If you are in a position to do some traveling, you could try going interstate to find your perfect man. California, New York and Colorado are just some of the best known places for single guys to hang out.

The right attitude simply means trying to meet some, but not all, of the criteria that men find attractive in women. And what men find attractive in women most are confidence and that they look presentable. Despite the popular assumption that men prefer women to be beautiful and 'ditzy', most men are really more attracted to women, who are confident in themselves, women who know what they want and are not afraid to ask.

The right body language can also play a huge role in your interactions with a single man. If you cross your arms, play with your clothes or not look at him directly then he will probably get the idea that you are not really interested in him. On the other hand, good eye contact, frequent smiling and leaning forward in conversation are the right signals if you are keen on pursuing a relationship.

Eventually, how to find a single man will become as easy as pie, once you get all these 'right' things down pat. Then you can go off into the dating scene, with confidence, and men will be drawn to you like moths to a flame!

By the way, you can discover some of the best secrets about how to find a single man and keep him by visiting http://How-To-Find-A-Single-Man.blogspot.com

Dating Advice - Winter Fashion Tips for Single Women

Whether braving the wind tunnels in downtown Toronto or damp nights in Seattle, keeping warm and looking hot is something women coast to coast want to capture. Learn how to dress in layers so you're ready for anything, vamp up the makeup and keep warm and look hot, despite cool temperatures.

Layer Clothing

First, you need to learn the art of layering your clothing so you're ready for any event life throws your way. Remember, skin is in all year round, even when the weather doesn't seem to permit. You can fix this problem by wearing several thin fashionable layers. Your final layer should be a cool, trendy coat. If you're more demure, go for a black coat with a faux fur collar to add some excitement.

Touchable Fabrics

You want that touch-me kind of fabric, which is the basic rule of looking hot and keeping warm. Anything that feels good to touch (such as cashmere or velvet) should fill your closet during winter months. They will make you feel great and look amazing too. Don't be afraid to show cleavage or a little skin in these fabrics.

Just Add Color

When you think of "hot" colors, red comes to mind. Instead of the little black dress, go for the little red dress - even in winter (just make sure your coat is warm). This change of pace will make you look sultry, even if it's not so hot outdoors.

Get Some Color

A tan makes the winter blues run for the door in an instant. If you can't getaway on a warm tropical holiday, why not get the best self tanner you can find and fake it. These days tanners are made with the best possible ingredients ensuring you have a fabulous golden tan. Fashion tip: Put your tan to work with a winter white sweater!

Sexy Makeup

Without sultry makeup, what would most women do during the winter? Good question. To keep looking hot without breaking the bank with a wardrobe full of new clothes, you must master the art of creating smoky eyes with liner, full lashes and gray shadows. This will make you look hot no matter what.

Stunning Accessories

If you're always wearing black, as many women do, get out that colorful sexy handbag. Why not try it in a sexy fabric like purple or green velvet. Earrings should be long and dangle to mid-neck. Anything you can do to draw attention to the face is a must, since you're all covered up everywhere else. If you're showing more skin, try a delicate necklace strategically placed to draw attention to your collarbones. Gold jewelry always looks stunning with skin.

With these tips, you will master the philosophy of looking hot, while keeping warm. Just remember to be yourself, only sexier. Not only will it be easier to get through those cold winter months, but it will give you motivation to look your best all year round.

Are You Still in Love With Your Ex?

Dealing with a break up is not an easy thing to do, but sometimes people can become too confident in their coping abilities. They carry on with their lives believing that they don't miss their ex, when in fact they actually do. This is a common behavior response known as distancing, and while it may temporarily ease the pain, it is not a long-term solution. Here are some signs that you are still in love with your, even if you are having trouble accepting the fact.

Questions

If you find yourself asking a lot of questions about your ex's whereabouts and activities, then it is obvious that you are still thinking about them. You want to know how they are coping with the break up and who they are spending their time with. You may even feel a sense of anxiety when you hear that they are dating someone new. All of these examples are signs that you have not moved on with your life. It is of course natural to be curious about your ex's activities, but becoming obsessed with this information is not healthy.

Adjusting Your Schedule

Making changes to your social plans or work schedule to spy on your ex is another bad sign. You might even try to plan your social appearances at events when you know your ex will be present. All of this is done in an effort to force interaction with your ex and remind them that you are still around. In some cases, you may do this without even knowing it by subliminally visiting the same restaurants and social spots you used to frequent together. Either way, adjusting your schedule with your ex in mind shows that you are still consumed with their opinion.

Using Jealousy

Do you ever talk to certain people or buy yourself flashy gifts only because you know your ex will notice? This is an indicator that you are trying to use jealousy to manipulate your ex. In your mind, you may think these actions are done to get revenge on your ex, but the reality is that you are actually trying to attract their attention. If you were truly over your relationship then you wouldn't be concerned with how your ex perceived you. By using jealous tactics you are proving that you still care about what they think.

Answer the Question

Sometimes the truth is the hardest thing to face, but by confronting your feelings you will be able to effectively deal with them. Ask your self honestly if you still love your ex. Would you accept them back in your life if they asked you for forgiveness today? Only you know the true answer to this question, but it is one that is important to ask.

Being in love with your ex is not necessarily a bad thing. It does however become a problem when you avoid the facts and try to hide from your own feelings. Recognizing that you still have strong emotions for them is the first step in recovery. From there you will need to decide if you want to get your ex back or focus your efforts on moving forward with your life.

Not every relationship has to end after a break up. Find proven strategies to win back your ex at GetBackMyEx.com

Tips for How to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

Breaking up with your girlfriend isn't usually the high point of your day...in fact, it can ruin all your days for weeks or even months! However, that's only if you let it. If you can correct your wrongs and get in gear, you can get her back and go back to living happily at her side! You just have to know how!

It really doesn't have to be all that difficult, either. Girls aren't as insanely complicated as they can sometimes seem, and all the things they ask of you can usually be summed up into one simple desire: they just want to feel cared for. The reason she probably broke up with you is because she wasn't feeling cared for. To get her back, you need to correct this.

Feeling cared for is more than just being loved and knowing it. Sometimes just telling her you love her isn't enough, you have to be there for her and give her what she needs. Being cared for can include a wide range of things, including being loved, having support (both emotional and financial), having stability, and a lot of other relationship and life situations.

Whatever she wasn't getting, you weren't giving. You have to figure out what you were doing wrong, and fix it in yourself if you ever want to get her back again or even to have a chance with someone else. The first step in your road to getting your ex girlfriend back is simple reflection, sitting down with yourself and figuring out what went wrong.

Once you've come up with a list of all the things that you did in the relationship that probably contributed to her dumping you (and this may be a long list depending on your situation), the time comes to start doing something about them. All of the major things that made her unhappy enough to leave need to be fixed, or else you're never going to get her back.

This'll probably take a while, but when you do feel that you've taken care of any and all large problems, you can start to break back into a relationship with her --but take it slow! Even if she still loves you and you have your act together, she may still not exactly LIKE you, and rushing things or pushing too aggressively will lose her for good. Start off small, with a phone call seeing how she's doing. Keep things light and nonthreatening until it's clear she's comfortable with a little more.

Take baby steps until you can walk again, and with the work you've done on yourself you'll have a pretty good shot of getting her back! Keeping her after that is just a matter of keeping the changes you've made to your behavior. Rest assured that if you revert to how you were during the first (and failed) relationship, this one will go the same way. Don't win the war just so you can break the peace again yourself.

Just break up? Get instant relief from break up pain and a proven plan to get your ex back. Free articles and info at http://www.getyourexbacknow.com

Why You Shouldn't Apologize To Your Ex Immediately After Breaking Up

Most of us were taught that offering an apology -- any apology -- will instantly restore good feelings, dissolve anger, mend the fabrics of a broken relationship and heal a broken heart. This is very true -- a good apology does take care of most bad feelings and creates good ones -- but while an apology is a very powerful thing, done wrong, it can backfire big time.

An apology to try and fix things is not the right way to get your ex back. When someone is hurt, angry, suspicious, distrustful, resistant and negatively sensitive to you, a premature apology usually just make things worse.

The first few first contacts with your ex should never start with "I want to apologize". At some point, you'll have to apologize for your part in the relationship going the direction it went, but this is not the right time -- yet -- even if you are dying to get things off your chest.

An emotional "apology" before you've laid grounds for meaningful interaction is simply a communication of your regret and if you're not very careful, you can easily come across as trying to manipulate someone to get on his or her good side (and often it is). And in some instances it does work. Your ex may be too vulnerable to graciously accept your "scheming apology" but only to reject it later -- sort of a delayed reaction thing.

I've seen this same exact thing happen to too many people. Months after the amends event, their ex turns on them and spews out bile (anger, rage, fury resentment etc) for things that they thought they'd apologized for and settled.

The best thing you can do is keep the "apology" to yourself, until you are once again talking and the two of you can "clear the air" without causing further misunderstandings, re-opening the wounds and jeopardizing everything.

And don't demand an apology and don't expect it-no matter how much time you've spent preparing to hear your ex apologize. If your ex brings up the break-up, simply say, "I made a huge mistake (or many mistakes) and if you'd let me, I will prove to you how sorry I am, not with just my words but with my actions. All I am asking at this point is to be able to see/talk/email from time to time Is this something that you would be open to?" or something along those lines. You probably know how to phrase it better since you know your ex more intimately.

Just remember to make sure you phrase it like a request rather than a statement. The question at the end is very important because it seeks cooperation rather than confrontation.

Then when the groundwork has been done. Communication has been revitalized, and bridges towards the restoring of the relationship have been built, you can deliver the powerful apology that holds much hope for the future.

In my e-Book explain in detail how to lay the ground work, revitalize broken communication and build bridges for restoring the relationship. I also explain in detail why an apology that says "Mistakes were made" or "It's all my fault" is dangerous and can destroy everything.

If you are serious about getting back your ex, you might want to check out my e-Book: Dating Your Ex - What You Can Do Tonight, Tomorrow And The Next Day To Get Your Ex Back

About Author: Internationally renowned Dating & Relationships Coach, Christine Akiteng has devoted years of her life re-uniting couples and has seen over and over again first hand what works. She has woven together solid-gold advice on just about every stage of getting back together with your ex to help you make the process less scary and shaky and more exciting and smooth as possible.

Change Can Lead To Letting Go

What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor?

"Make me one with everything." When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill.

The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"

The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."

That Yogi must have felt betrayed, cheated and angry to be taken advantage of because of who he was.

Just what does that mean to you, change must come from within? Your loved one has left and YOU must change from within??

After being left behind by someone we thought would be there forever and always, changing our hearts, changing who we are, is a difficult thing to consider, much less do. Whether they left because of personal choice or because of death, the emptiness is the same.

Being left behind is like being in the middle of the swirls of water going down a huge drain. The "circling" leaves one dizzy and disoriented, unsure. An array of emotions floods the psyche.... fear, anger, resentment and even bitterness occur.

• Anger is there because it happened, wondering why it happened and anger at oneself for not seeing the warning signs. ·
• Fear of what unknown is lurking around the corner. ·
• Bitterness that "it happened to me!" ·
• Resentment that this singleness necessitated change, changes in finances, housing, friends, job choices and plans for the future. Changes not asked for.

Some results of Change

• Change can be good.
• Change is not always welcomed.
• Change brings about new and perhaps untried experiences.
• Change infers letting go.
• Change can be good.

But, why is letting go so hard?

Letting go means giving up power, especially hard for an independent person. When we are accustomed to being in control of part of the "reins" we feel a little more confident, in charge, but when that power is gone, our self-confidence seems to slide away.

When the reins have been taken away from us, our next step is to learn to accept, and then trust.

Trust is a monumental task at times. It requires us to humble ourselves and admit someone else is in charge. Expecting someone to trust, who has been recently betrayed is expecting a great deal. We could liken it to a person who has picked up a hot frying pan and burned his hand. Chances are that he or she will use a "potholder" next time. A person who has been "burned" will have difficulty trusting even his/her own self, much less someone else. That "potholder" could translate to holding people at a distance, shielding one's heart from further pain .

How long this condition goes on, is up to the damaged person. He or she may choose to stew in their own juices for a period of time until they recognize that is a non-productive way of life. Holding on to bitterness, resentment, anger and fear does create a sort of juice in the body that can become toxic and turn on the body, in a form of illness. The choice to change that situation is strictly personal. Change succeeds only when it is accepted and looked forward to, as a new beginning.

So, how do we get past that "getting burned" to trusting again?

• Learn all you can about trust. ·
• Trust yourself to use good judgment. ·
• Know in whom you are placing your trust.
• Are they trustworthy? ·
• How do you know? ·
• What do you know about them? ·
• Why should you trust them? ·
• What do you have to lose if you place your trust in this person?
• Are you fooling yourself?

Trust, wrongly placed, is just as destructive as pulling into your shell for a long period of time. Trust, like a seed, must grow at its own pace; the flower will not appear until the seed is fully matured. Taking time to get to really know the people in your life serves not only you, but takes the focus off of you and places it onto other people. Taking time to know others helps you to know you.

• Pay attention to how much they pay attention to you.
• Do you feel valued?
• Are they interested in what and who you are?
• Or are they still in the 15-year-old stage; does the world even extend past their own fingertips?
• Is it all about them?

The closer you "pay attention," the better you will be at knowing who to trust and who not to trust.

You may even find that the changes in your life have become a good thing.

For more tips and tools on how to survive divorce and loss and make healthy relationship choices you are invited to visit http://www.butterflyintonewlife.com